Exit Wounds
by samandfreddie38
Summary: After facing the prospect of losing Sam three too many times, Freddie decides that he can't risk losing her again. For good. Sam&Freddie Multi-Chap.
1. Chapter 1: Final Hour

**Hey guys; I decided to hold off on "Delirium" because it needs a LOT of work. So I'm working on this new Multi-Chap "Exit Wounds" in the meantime. Don't worry; "Delirium" is NOT cancelled. **

**I do not own iCarly. R&R!**

**This chapter is dedicated to the song "Final Hour" by X-Ray Dog.**

* * *

SAM POV

"Pleeeease?"

"Sam!"

"Please please pleeeeeeeeease?" I dragged out.

"Sam, stop!"

"Come _on_, Carls! I already have the tickets!"

"Rip-Off Rodney?"

"Who else? And not to mention, it's my _BIRTHDAY_!"

"I know _that_." The brunette rolled her eyes. "But you know I'm grounded."

"For _what?_"

She gave me a look that told me I should already know. "For taking Spencer's shower milk away from him. Don't you remember? You were there when he flipped out."

I couldn't believe it. "He was actually serious about the grounding part?"

Carly groaned. "Of course he was! Not that there's a reason behind it, but still."

"So just sneak out!"

"Remember the last time we snuck out? Spencer was almost killed by a half-man half-BEAST!" She suddenly looked around the apartment nervously, as if she expected Jackson Colt to jump out from behind Spencer's robot-soda bottle sculpture.

"Dude, we're not going to an MMA fight this time! It's just a Cuttlefish concert!"

"But those go on for hours! I think Spencer will realize I'm gone in the meantime," she said sarcastically.

"Not if we come up with a distraction…" I stroked my chin thoughtfully.

She looked at me warily. "What do you have in mind?" She knew my devious brain so well.

"Hmm…Ooh! Maybe I could get my-"

"We're not paying someone to hurt Spencer," Carly said flatly.

"That wasn't what I was gonna say!" I retorted, pretending to be offended. She saw through it.

"Then what was it?"

"Um…"

"I'm waiting."

"Ooh; I know! We pack Spencer into a box, don't worry: it'll have air holes. And we ship him off to Yakima for the night!"

Carly gave me a _You can't be serious_ look.

"I don't know; _you_ think of something!" I responded, frustrated.

Suddenly the front door flew open, making both of us jump. Spencer himself ended up solving our little dilemma.

"Hey guys, guess what? I'm going to Yakima!"

Carly and I gave each other incredulous looks. What were the odds?

I tried to conceal my growing excitement. "Uh, why?"

"You know that girl Patty who works at the supermarket across the street?"

"Fatty Patty?" Carly had a disgusted look on her face.

"Nooo! _Hot_ Patty!"

"Oh," she replied, looking relieved.

"Well I finally got her to go out with me! But it gets better! She and her friends are waiting outside in their car and we're leaving for Yakima in five minutes. I'll be hanging out with them for the rest of the day! I'll be back late."

"So you'll be a bachelor for the night?" I smirked.

"Uh, YEAH! By the way, Sam; you gotta leave. Carly's grounded." Carly and I rolled our eyes. "I gotta find my spendin' money!" He stumbled off wildly into his room.

"Don't take ALL of it!" Carly called after him.

"Nyeeeehh!" _SLAM._

"So, are you gonna come with me or what?" I excitedly whispered after nudging her shoulder.

"I don't know…"

"Come on! This is PERFECT! He's gonna be in Yakima all _night_!"

"I'll feel icky."

"But wouldn't you feel even ickier if you made your best friend sit at home alone on her birthday, wasting money already spent on Cuttlefish tickets?"

"Why don't you take Freddie?"

It was my turn to give her a _You can't be serious_ look.

"Okay, okay, stupid question. I…I guess so…"

"Yes!" I yelled, crushing her in a hug. "Thank you thank you thank you thank you! You're the best, Carls!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she grumbled.

"C'mon; it'll be fun. I promise."

We heard Spencer's door swing open and hit the wall. We immediately shut up.

"Yeahooo! Hey, Carls, you'll be okay home alone, right?" He rapidly shuffled around the living room for his jacket.

"Um…"

"Well, I'm going whether you are or not, so see ya, chicas!" _SLAM._

"What a character." I smirked, staring at the trembling front door.

"I swear, that door's gonna fall right off its hinges one day," she responded, shaking her head. "Anyway, I'm not staying in this apartment. Let's go see some Cuttlefish!"

"Wooo! You're driving."

"Figures." We got our jackets and went out into the hallway, where we bumped into Freddie.

"Freddodobird! Sup, nerd?" I mocked.

He rolled his eyes. "Where are _you_ guys going? I thought Carly was grounded."

"Oh, I am. Sam's convinced me to sneak out while Spencer's in Yakima and take her to a Cuttlefish concert for her birthday."

"I _am_ eighteen, you know," I stated proudly.

"Uh huh. Remember the _last _time we snuck out?"

"Shut up, Benson. Carly's already made her decision. Right, Shay?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess…"

"Dude! You _promised_! Don't listen to the dork!"

"But-"

"Please, for me?"

"Even though that phrase is _my_ thing…alright.."

She covered her ears while I cheered and whooped loudly. Freddie shrugged. "Whatever. Just be ready to face a longer grounding when you get back."

I glared at him. "She's not _gonna_, because Spencer's not gonna find out. Or else I will give you harder Texas Wedgies than I give Gibby."

"He's not gonna find out from _me_," he replied. "He'll figure it out when he comes home to an empty house because his little sister and her best friend are rockin' out to the third encore of a Cuttlefish concert."

"Shut your face. C'mon, Carls. We don't wanna hit all the traffic on the way there." I shoved him out of the way and saw Carly shrug and follow after me.

When I looked back over my shoulder, the nub had returned to his apartment.

HOURS LATER; CARLY POV

"But as I need and I want to call you back / to the days of old and heart attacks / where the knives are sharp / the eyes are bright / and the rain is cold / in the day or night…" Sam and I were singing one of our favorite Cuttlefish songs on the way back from the concert. It was _amazing!_ I was SO glad she convinced me to take her.

My voice cracked something awful when I sang the word 'night', and Sam burst into laughter, which of course, made me starting busting up also. My singing voice wasn't the best, but hey, I was comfortable sounding like a dying whale around Sam.

"Okay," I managed in between fits of giggles, struggling to keep control of the car. "Let's stop singing before I accidentally drive off the road." The sky was pitch black and the brights on Spencer's car weren't working too well, so it was hard to see where I was going.

"Agreed," she replied, still snickering.

"That concert was awesome! Sneaking out was _totally_ worth it, and I have _you_ to thank."

"Momma does know best, doesn't she."

I laughed, shifting my hands on the steering wheel. "Uh huh. And we'll totally get home before Spencer does. He'll never know."

She gave me an odd look. "Woah, Carls. You're sounding almost as devious as me! I'm so proud of raising a rebel-Shay. I would cry tears of joy, but I'm not gonna."

I _was_ feeling rebel-ish. The rush of adrenaline and the prospect of getting caught at any moment left me with a _very_ high energy level. It felt…weird. But cool, thrilling, and exciting at the same time.

"Yay, I'm a rebel," I joked. "Puckett has learned me her ways." I loved speaking awkward grammar.

She nodded in agreement. "I have learned you well, my friend."

I stopped the car at a red light. I had the sudden urge to tell Sam how much our friendship meant to me, which was weird because I normally don't have cliché feelings like this.

"Hey, Sam?"

"Yup?"

"You're awesome."

She gave me a smile. "I know. Why the sudden heart-to-heart? I was doing so well with the rebel training; I hope you haven't already gone back to mushy-mushy."

I gave her a sarcastic look. "Gee, thanks. And I dunno. I guess I don't tell you enough how amazing you are."

She dramatically placed a hand over her heart and gave me huge puppy eyes. "Aw, I'm so touched!"

"Shut up," I said, grinning and nudging her with my elbow. The light turned green, so I hit the gas pedal.

"So what are-" I began.

"CARLY!" Sam suddenly interrupted me with a piercing shriek.

I didn't respond when out of my left peripheral vision I saw a bright light. I whipped my head in that direction. I heard Sam emit a blood-curdling scream.

* * *

**So I bet you know what's about to happen, but I'd like to think that it's a cliffy ending anyway.**

**PLEASE REVIEW! I hope to have the second chapter up soon.**


	2. Chapter 2: Life's Deadline

**Here's Chapter Two; PLEASE R&R! I do not own iCarly.**

**OH, I wanted to clear something up...the Cuttlefish lyrics from the last chapter; they're from an actual band called Cuttlefish that I found on Google :P**

**The song is called "I Don't Mind", and therefore, I claim no ownership to it.**

**This chapter's dedicated to the song "Angels on the Moon" by Thriving Ivory. Did you listen to the song from the last chapter?**

* * *

NORMAL POV

Spencer wearily stumbled into his apartment after a lengthy night of mingling, carelessly tossing his jacket and cell phone, which had died a few hours ago, onto the couch.

"Carlaaayyyyyy! Wake up; Spencie's home!" He went over to the wall phone, put it on speaker, and dialed Voicemail after noticing the flashing red button on the receiver. After a few brief computerized greetings, the first message began.

"Yes, this is Dr. Quamstein. I'm calling regarding a Spencer Shay. The prescription for your blemishes is ready to be picked up at the pharmacy. Have a nice evening."

Spencer blushed and furtively glanced around the apartment, hoping his little sister didn't hear the embarrassing recording. She still hadn't come down; she must still be asleep.

"Carlayyyyyyyyyyy! I'm back; wake UP! Come give your older bro a hug!"

The second and final message started.

"This is Dr. Lynda Reynolds from Seattle City Hospital calling about a Carlotta Yvette Shay…"

Spencer groaned, grumbling about the excess of stupid doctors.

Wait, wait-she was calling about _Carly?_

"…and a Samantha Puckett. Both were involved in a serious automobile collision."

His heart stopped.

"I am unable to release any more information over the phone, so it would be highly convenient for Ms. Shay's legal guardian to come to the hospital as quickly as possible. Thank you and have a good night."

Spencer's body shook as he grimaced at the irony of her last sentence.

This was too unreal...it...it just couldn't be happening. Carly was in bed. Sam had gone home _hours _ago.

"CARLY!" He started screaming frantically, stumbling blindly up the stairs and down the hallway to his sister's room. Flicking the light switch on, he felt all the heat drain from his skull. The perfectly made bed. The lack of a warm body under its covers.

_No, no…no!_

He sprinted back down the stairs, grabbing his jacket and racing out of the apartment down the main stairs to the small parking lot behind the apartment complex. His car. It wasn't in its spot.

He couldn't breathe. Carly. She had taken the car. Reality came crashing down on him.

_No, no…NO!_

Spencer fled the parking lot, where all the other cars seemed to be mocking him, situated nicely in their neat little parking spots. He heard a faint ringing in his ears.

Eight flights of stairs later, he stood gasping in front of apartment 8-D. His fragile fist pounded on the door. After what seemed like an eternity, a haggard Freddie Benson opened it.

"Spencer? It's three o'clock on Sunday _morning!_ Why-"

"Where's your mom?" He interrupted through gasps.

"Uh…working the night shift…she won't be back until 6:30…why?"

The older of the two threaded his fingers through his short hair. The hair that Carly had him cut last July. For her seventeenth birthday. It all seemed like yesterday instead of nine months ago.

"So you don't have a car?" He asked the tired teen desperately.

"I do…my mom carpooled tonight…um, _why_ again?"

Tears sprung into Spencer's eyes. "Drive me to Seattle City Hospital."

HALF AN HOUR LATER; FREDDIE POV

I could barely keep up with Spencer as he burst through the glass doors of Seattle City Hospital. My legs were throbbing and shaking and I felt lightheaded. I almost fell over backwards when the doors quickly shut behind Spencer and smacked me right in the face. Rubbing my forehead, I stumbled into the lobby after him.

"Carly...Carlotta Shay!" I heard Spencer yell at the woman at the front desk. "W-what room is she in? Please…please…she's okay, right? Please, just say she's okay!" I saw a tear slide down Spencer's cheek.

That _really_ scared me. I had _never_ seen Spencer cry, and I'd known him for _years_ as the fun-loving and carefree guy who never got too serious over anything.

This was bad.

From the broken sentences he had sputtered on the ride there, I understood that there had been a car accident, and that both Carly and Sam were involved. I didn't know how serious the situation was. It just seemed impossible for something like that to happen. I mean, we were the iCarly gang! Crazy and somewhat famous teenagers on the web who spent almost every living moment of every day together. I didn't think anything would ever change that.

I started to panic. _Welcome to the real world, Fredward Benson._

The nurse checked her computer and shot an apologetic look at Spencer, who was about to shatter into a million pieces. "Carlotta is in the Emergency Department right now; you can't see her. I'm sorry, but you're just going to have to wait patiently-"

"But she's my little sister! Please, _please_!"

"I'm sorry sir-"

A sudden thought occurred to me. "Wait, wait, what about Sam? Is Samantha Puckett on your computer?"

She hit a few keys. "Samantha is also in that department. If you would just have a seat-"

"They're going to be okay, right?" I was panicking; this couldn't be happening.

"Sir, if you would please-"

"What seems to be the problem here?" Another feminine voice interrupted our heated conversation with the overwhelmed desk lady. A young woman with straight light brown hair in a long white coat entered the lobby from deeper inside the hospital.

"Doctor Reynolds, these men are requesting information on Carlotta Shay and Samantha Puckett." The front desk lady seemed relieved at her arrival.

"Wait, wait, you're Doctor Reynolds?" Spencer inquired loudly, his eyes coming to life.

"Yes, are you the legal guardian of Carlotta or Samantha?"

"Carly, my little sister. She's okay, isn't she?"

The woman looked around at the people in the waiting room staring at us with concerned faces. I hadn't even noticed that they were there until then.

"Let's go into another room and discuss this, okay?" She put an arm on Spencer's back and the other on mine, guiding us into the hallway from where she had come.

I heard our footsteps echo loudly on the white floor, the vibrations shattering my fragile eardrums. My eyesight became blurred, and I had to blink frantically to see clearly again. The whole situation still seemed so surreal. It was just a dream…Spencer hadn't really pounded on my apartment door and sent my world crashing down on me.

Eventually arriving at a secluded and quiet location, she turned towards us. She opened her mouth to speak and then seemed to realize that I wasn't old enough to be the legal guardian of anybody.

"May I first ask who you are, young man?"

"Carly and Sam's best friend, Freddie. Whatever you tell him-" I motioned to Spencer, "-you gotta tell me."

She sighed. "Alright. Would either of you like to sit down?"

"Just tell us what's going ON!" Spencer suddenly exploded before I could myself.

Dr. Reynolds sighed again. "Alright. Carlotta-excuse me, Carly-and Samantha were involved in an automobile collision about five miles from here. There was a drunk driver on the road who ran a red light and collided right into them. From what information we've gathered from witnesses and the emergency unit that responded to the 911 call, the girls' car flipped and rolled a few times, stopping with the roof of the car on the ground."

_No, no...This can't be happening... _My thoughts swirled around my brain, overwhelming me with their intensity and force.

Dr. Reynolds continued. "Did you have any knowledge that the two girls were out so late at night?"

"No, no…Carly was grounded…but…I was out of town, and…" Spencer started to choke on his tears, and stopped speaking.

_I knew, I KNEW! It's my fault, it's MY fault! _My conscience screeched at me and I swayed on my feet, becoming very dizzy.

The doctor nodded understandingly at Spencer. "It's alright, it's alright. _None_ of this is your fault…um…"

"Spencer," I managed, noticing his inability to talk. I had one hand on the wall to keep my balance.

"Thank you, Eddie." I didn't bother correcting her. "Do _not_ blame yourself, Spencer. These things happen."

"How is she? And how's Sam?" I asked frantically, urging her to say that everything was alright, just a few broken bones and bruises on both girls.

"Samantha is in an unstable condition, but she is under constant supervision and our best doctors are doing everything they can to bring her back to consciousness and stop the bleeding." I felt my heart drop and my stomach turn over itself. An unstable condition?

I wanted to throw up. My cheeks burned and saliva dominated the space inside my mouth.

"Carly is…um, Spencer, would you like to si-"

"NO I WOULD NOT LIKE TO SIT DOWN!" He screamed at her, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Dr. Reynolds struggled to maintain her calm composure. "That's…fine. Alright, well...Carly was a DOA. I'm so sorry."

My eyes widened. _No, NO! DOA _has_ to stand for something else!_

"DOA meaning…Department of Accidents, right? RIGHT?" I sputtered, lamely trying to avoid the inevitable. My eyes glanced at Spencer. The expression on his face shattered my heart.

"I'm so sorry. She was pronounced dead on arrival."

"B-but the lady said…she was…the Emergency Department…a-and…s-she's alive…she HAS to be!" Spencer stuttered, giving the doctor a desperate look.

I saw tears form in her eyes as she slowly shook her head. "I'm so sorry…"

My body went numb. Carly…she was…_dead?_

"NOOOO!" I heard Spencer yell. "NO! SHE'S NOT DEAD! NO NO _NO!_"

I couldn't move. I couldn't blink. I couldn't breathe. I had died along with Carly and possibly Sam.

All I could do was stand there, staring off into the hazy distance, as Spencer collapsed onto the floor and sobbed his heart out, leaving a stunned and heartbroken Dr. Reynolds looking down at his curled-up and childlike figure.

* * *

**I'm sorry to all the Carly-lovers; this had to happen for the development of the story. I love Carly's character, so I'm not a Carly-hater who loves it when she dies in FanFiction stories. I was seriously tearing up as I was writing this because I know how it feels to lose someone you really love.**

**Review! The more I get, the faster I write. No joke.**

**THANK YOU to 'PurpleSeddier', 'OhSoIris', 'MysteryWriter95', 'Waffles of Doom', 'Bacon', 'Weasleyishere2', 'icecoffee18', 'johnh8616', 'Geekquality', and 'KarlaRockAngel' for Chapter One reviews! You guys ROCK.**


	3. Chapter 3: Transparent Ghost

**Hey; it's me with Chapter Three! PLEASE R&R! I don't own iCarly.**

**This chapter's dedicated to the song "Your Ghost" by Greg Laswell [hehe I love him]. Did you listen to the song from the last chapter?**

****Have you heard about the 8.9 earthquake in Japan and the terrible tsunami? Please help them out by starting fundraisers at your school or donating money or ANYTHING. My heart goes out to the poor people that are suffering and those who have died at the hands of mother nature. Rest in peace.****

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FREDDIE POV

_Beep...beep…beep…beep…_

I closed my eyes and massaged my fingers against the sides of my forehead. Hard.

I hated that noise. It taunted me, making sure that I knew that it could simply take life away, even though it notified me that life still existed. But life can end at any moment.

I squeezed my eyes tighter, trying to block out tears. Crying wouldn't do anything. It wouldn't bring Carly back. It wouldn't save Sam.

I felt the stiff skin on my face crack with the sudden movement of its features. Dried tears remained on my cheeks. When it had finally sunk in that I had lost one of my best friends, someone I could talk to at anytime, someone I could confide in, someone I spent every day with; I completely lost it like Spencer did.

I had punched a hole in the wall. I had dragged my fingernails against its skin, ripping off wallpaper. I had torn hair from my scalp. I had created a river on the hospital floor with my tears.

_Beep…beep…beep…_

I could have stopped this. I could have prevented them from leaving. I should have knocked some sense into them. This was my fault.

My eyes cracked open and I snuck a glance at Spencer in a chair a few feet away. I immediately wished I hadn't.

His eyes were lifeless. His body looked numb. He was just blankly staring at the bed and the girl in it. No trace of emotion or thought or movement was visible.

_Beep…beep…_

I swallowed and let my eyes fall where his had fallen. I felt my throat close up and my nails claw at the skin on my cheek.

White, white, and more white. The color of the sheets, the walls, the curtain, the ground, the bed, the gown around her broken body. The casts, the bandages…her skin….

_God, please make this end,_ I silently pleaded, my hands pulling at my hair.

Dr. Reynolds had let Spencer and me fall apart. She watched me destroy the walls. She watched me destroy myself. She watched my life get destroyed.

Then our energy ran out. Our sobs subsided because our voices became hoarse. I wanted to see Carly. I needed to say goodbye. I needed closure. But Lynda…she said something about her body not being in the best condition…and suggested that…it would be best if we didn't…and…did we want to make funeral arrangements now?

Neither of us replied. I vaguely remember her asking the two of us if we wanted to see Sam, because one of the nurses told her that they had stopped the bleeding and taken care of the more serious injuries.

I don't think Spencer even responded. His entire world was ripped out of his hands in an instant. Carly was his life. His reason for _living_. He was _nothing_ without his baby sister.

I just hiccupped at her. I couldn't speak.

She had taken that as a 'yes' and guided us with a hand on each of our backs again. Down more hallways, through more doors, and into a small curtained room. I let her softly push me along, not knowing if my legs were moving out of their own will.

She was in a coma.

That was all I could remember Dr. Reynolds saying after we entered the curtained area. She looked dead already. If she ever woke up, her brain might not return to its full function. I was trying to prepare myself for the worst, which I was sure was going to happen. But Carly was gone. And it was impossible to imagine life without Sam, let alone life without the both of them.

Her chest was barely moving. Every other part of her body was motionless and paler than the flimsy sheet that covered her. I had never seen her look so vulnerable. Even when Sam cried she was tough because she still had control over herself.

This was something completely different.

Carly. Gone. The Spencer I once knew. Gone. Sam.

Sam.

I began to see red. Patches of the color invaded my sight. Looking at her limp figure made it worse. I blinked several times. It didn't help.

I tore my eyes away from Sam when Dr. Reynolds pulled back the curtain and entered the room again. Spencer didn't move a muscle.

"Eddie? Spencer?" Spencer was still blankly staring at the bed, so I nudged him softly with the back of my hand. He seemed to start, blink, and look at her.

"These aren't visiting hours, technically. I'm sorry. If there's anything I can do…"

"There's nothing you can do," I shot back a little too harshly. I looked back at Sam and saw red again.

I heard her swallow and speak up again. "You can come back in a few hours at ten. Our hours are 10 AM to 9 PM. We'll take excellent care of Samantha until then and you will be notified of any changes in her condition."

I stood up first, but slowly, everything around me still red. I saw Sam; I saw a deeper and darker shade of red.

I lightly tugged on Spencer's arm to help him up and pushed him in front of me, allowing him to leave the curtained area first in complete silence. As I passed Dr. Reynolds, I paused and told her, "My name is Freddie. And hers is Sam."

And then I left.

* * *

HOURS LATER; FREDDIE POV

_I don't want to be here, I don't want to be here, I don't want to be here…._

That's what I kept thinking to myself, but I was still following Spencer's figure down the hospital hallway. I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder but didn't turn my head around. I didn't want my mother's comfort.

After her night shift ended and she got home, I briefly told her what happened. I don't remember how much I told her. I don't remember what words I used or what approach I took. I don't remember her reaction.

I was revisiting the only thing I did remember from that morning: the white. That room. _Her_.

Spencer gingerly pulled back the curtain and I heard my mom's breath catch in her throat. Her motherly instincts took over and she swiftly moved towards the head of the bed. I let myself plop into a chair away from the bed. Spencer pulled another chair over to the side of the bed my mom wasn't at.

_Beep, beep, beep…_

My mother gently fingered the bandages around Sam's head. I saw Spencer hesitate, then lift up one of his hands to caress one of Sam's.

I kept looking on as Spencer played with her lifeless fingers, inspecting each one as if they contained a secret message. Her pale skin contrasted his slight tan.

I don't know how long I sat there for before Spencer told us he had to leave, giving one final glance at Sam's broken body. I don't know how many more minutes I sat there before my mother excused herself also.

"I'll be in the car, Freddie," she half-whispered. "Take your time."

The scrape of the curtain's rings against the metal bar signaled her departure.

I didn't want to touch her. I didn't want to be reminded of the life that was permanently damaged and fading away. I didn't want to become attached, because I knew the chances of her surviving.

And if she survived, odds were she would suffer brain damage.

And that's never good.

I reflected on everything Carly, Sam, and I had been through. The fights. The laughter. The webshow.

Some of elementary school. All of middle school. Most of high school.

We wouldn't be graduating together as we'd always dreamed.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Carly would never receive her high school diploma. She would never get to see herself go to the college of her dreams. She would never marry the man she would ultimately fall in love with. She would never have kids. Never see her daughter walk down the aisle in a gown of white. Never have grandchildren. Never die in her husband's arms like in that Notebook movie.

And then I let myself cry.

When I was done, I forced myself to stand up and sit in the chair Spencer had occupied. Sam's hand was in the same position Spencer had left it in. I didn't want to touch it.

My hand lifted off of my lap and rested on the bed, inches away from her fingers. I moved it closer.

A cold shock raged up my arm when I made contact. I withdrew my hand in surprise, feeling like the touch had burned me but with intense cold. My heart was pounding.

I sniffed, rubbed my face, and forced my hand onto hers again.

Cold. That was the first sensation I felt. I was touching a block of ice.

I then felt the heat from my hand seeping into hers. I was transferring warmth. Energy. Life.

I shifted my hand so that my fingers threaded through hers. I felt more heat drain from my hand.

I was becoming attached. I was giving myself away. If she was taken away from me, I would be nothing. I couldn't do this.

I shot up from the chair after letting go of her hand. I felt cold where I had touched her. She had taken my heat. I couldn't let her take away more; she would become dependent on me, and in turn I would become dependent on her. And I can't depend on someone who will slip away.

And Sam can't be dependent on anybody. That's not how she works. And that's not how she should work.

I left the room, never looking back. I bit my lip to stop the tears.

* * *

THE NEXT DAY; NORMAL POV

"Friday it is, then." Spencer swallowed. Hard. "Uh huh. Yeah. Thanks." The phone returned to its original place on the counter. He couldn't believe he had just arranged a seventeen-year-old's funeral.

He turned around and faced the emptiness of the apartment. It suddenly seemed too big and silent. He dreaded the day he would have to go through her stuff in the room he had spent $82,000 on.

He sighed. Mondays were never his favorite day of the week. He put on his jacket and went across the hall. After knocking on the door and waiting, Mrs. Benson appeared in the doorway.

"Are you guys ready?" He questioned softly.

"He doesn't want to go," came the response.

His eyebrows raised. After a long silence, he managed, "Oh."

"Here are the keys to my car. You go and see her. I'm going to stay here with him."

He sighed at the thought of his destroyed car as the cool metal hit his palms with a jingle.

Spencer didn't know why he felt an urgent need to visit Sam daily. Freddie had told him what the two girls were doing out so late at night. He should be blaming Sam for Carly's death, shouldn't he? She took away his _sister_. She was too young to die. She didn't_ deserve_ to die.

But he couldn't. Sure, his life was destroyed; he couldn't deny that. That didn't mean he should abandon his other 'sister'.

Was Freddie doing that? Was that the reason he didn't want to come?

When Spencer arrived at the hospital and took the elevator and hallway to the room, Sam's mother was there.

Her head whipped around when he pulled the curtain back. She seemed to relax a little and give him a sad look. His eyes told her that he could relate to what she was going through.

He sat in the same chair he had the day before. After a few minutes of silence, interrupted by the constant beeping of the machines hooked to the girl in the bed, she spoke up.

"A coma?" Her voice was tentative, fearful. Almost soft. Basically the opposite of the normal Pam Puckett.

Spencer nodded. Another minute passed.

"Melanie called. How much should I tell her?"

Spencer thought and just shrugged helplessly.

"She wants to take time off school to stay here and see Sam. Should I tell her not to and that everything's going to be fine?" A hopeful tone.

He didn't know how to respond. He recognized the question behind the question.

"Well…the doctor said she might wake up in a week or so. It depends on the damage done to her brain."

"And if she wakes up?"

Pam wasn't stupid. Reckless and irresponsible, sure. But not stupid.

Just like her daughter.

"She might have permanent brain damage."

Spencer inwardly grimaced at the double meaning behind the word 'might'. She might wake up…probably not. She might have brain damage…probably.

He saw Pam hesitate and bring her hand to a lock of Sam's hair, playing with the limp strands.

"Do you think she can hear us?"

His eyebrows raised in contemplation. He hadn't even thought about that.

"Dunno. Maybe."

A long lapse of silence prevailed.

"Sam, wake up. Pucketts don't just give up."

She mumbled it, embarrassed to say something like that to her daughter in front of him. But he heard her.

He should leave her alone. He knew that.

So he got up and left.

* * *

THE NEXT DAY; NORMAL POV

"He doesn't want to go."

Again?

"Why? Sam's his best friend!" Spencer got frustrated. Sam needed all of the love and support she could get.

Mrs. Benson sighed. He felt a pang of regret.

"His way of coping? I don't know. He's never had something so traumatic happen to him. He was too young when his father-"

She stopped and began again.

"He's not even talking to me. He just stays in his room. He won't eat. Just…just give him some time, Spencer."

He began to turn away, her car keys in his hand, as she closed the door. It opened back up immediately, and she stopped him with a hesitant, "Spencer?"

He turned around again.

"I'm…I'm sorry...about..."

He felt a searing pang in his chest. He gave a brief nod to her and went on his way.

Sympathy always made things worse.

* * *

FRIDAY; NORMAL POV

The funeral was short. Many family members were there. Mr. Shay came home for a few days. Many people from Carly's school were there. Wendy was. Gibby was. Mrs. Benson was. Freddie was.

Many said a few words about Carly. Spencer didn't.

Neither did Freddie.

* * *

ONE WEEK LATER; NORMAL POV

Lynda pulled the curtain back. Spencer turned his head and immediately spoke.

"Why isn't she awake yet?"

She seemed to have expected the question. She sat down slowly in the seat beside him.

"Well, it could be that there is a lot of brain damage. She should be awake by now, though."

"Then why _ISN'T_ she?" He almost shouted.

Lynda struggled to remain calm. She had a lot of practice doing so over the years, but for some reason she was having trouble doing it just then.

"Well, Spencer, some patients don't want to wake up. Maybe they're haunted by some traumatic event that happened to them. There's a whole psychological aspect behind situations like this if that's the case. And if patients don't want to wake up, they don't."

Well _that_ sure didn't help ease his worry.

Spencer tried to contain his composure but was failing quickly. Dr. Reynolds noticed and quietly left the room.

He held one of Sam's small hands in between both of his. "Sam, you've got to wake up. Please."

Nothing.

He squeezed her hand tighter. "Sam…Sam please…I can't lose you too…"

He murmured her name over and over again for several minutes, grasping her hand and burying his head in the sheets covering her. After what seemed like an eternity, he felt like giving up. And then…

_Beep….beep….beep…beep..beep.._

Spencer picked his head up at the quickening sound of the machine. Huh?

He saw her right eyelid twitch. "Sam?"

Her breathing gradually but steadily became faster and more labored. Her body started to quake.

"Sam?" He started to panic.

Her body shook harder. Her face began to contort into expressions of pain. Her eyes remained shut. The bed squeaked under the convulsions her body was having.

"Dr. Reynolds? Nurse!"

_Beep..beep..beep-beep-beep-_

"NURSE!" Spencer stood up, frantically trying to decide whether he should stay with Sam or look for a nurse.

Sam began to utter slight whimpers as her body took over. Her eyes seemed to be racing from side to side behind her eyelids.

"NURSE!"

A pudgy lady in white threw back the curtain and tried to restrain Sam, calling for more help when she couldn't. Two more nurses rushed in. Another came and told Spencer he had to leave for a moment.

But she was unable to do so before Spencer witnessed an image that would emotionally scar him for the rest of his life.

The machine's noise picked up in speed, and so did her body's shaking.

He stared wide-eyed as all at once, her slightly bloodshot eyes flew wide open and she screamed in utter terror, struggling against the three nurses holding her down and the machines hooked to her arms and the insides of her nose. He felt a strong hand grip his shoulder and pull him out of the room.

"Anita, stay with him in the waiting room." It was Lynda speaking rapidly to the fourth nurse. "Spencer, you need to go. I promise I will do everything-"

An ear splitting scream cut her off. All three of them winced.

"-everything I can do to help her. Please…just let me do my job."

She disappeared behind the curtain. The echo of the machine remained in his mind as Anita forcefully led Spencer away from the room, away from her screaming, and away from Sam.

* * *

**PLEASE READ: **

**To 'as' and others concerned: **

**When I came up with the idea for this story, I immediately thought of the similarities between it and the movie with Hilary Duff: "Raise Your Voice". I began thinking that I shouldn't continue with this story for that reason, but then I realized how different it will become and how I didn't intend to copy that movie in the first place, so I continued. I hope you understand that I had no intention to copy that movie's plot; you'll see with the future plot line how different my story is. **

**Hope that helps?**

**If any of you are mad about the lack of Sam&Freddie-ness in this chap, don't worry, a LOT of that to come ;)**

**Hey: 'Beautiful soul 2 you', 'mamaluvsangst', 'bluejay63', 'iBrown-eyed-blonde', 'johnh8616', 'alwayssmiling11', 'as', 'Geekquality', 'Seddieforeverx3', 'The Donut Eater', and 'Luna188'.**

**Guess what? I LOVE YOU. **

**Haha, so sorry for the wait for this chap; I just started water polo and my schedule is craaaazy, and writer's block sure didn't help at ALL.**

**I hope to have the next chapter up before I leave on my spring break in two weeks. Hopefully you guys can motivate me to get off my lazy butt and write by reviewing? ;)**


	4. Chapter 4: Pushing Limits

**Chapter Four before you all leave for spring break :) **** My name isn't Dan…well…**

**So no, I don't own iCarly. PLEASE R&R!**

**This chapter is dedicated to "Brothers on a Hotel Bed" by Death Cab For Cutie. Did you listen to the song from Chapter Three?**

* * *

SAM POV

"_I have _you_ to thank…thank…"_

_Pavement whirled by and the broken yellow lines raced past the car._

"_He'll never know…know…know…"_

_The yellow circle hanging in the air transferred to red._

"_You're awesome…how amazing you are…are…"_

_Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock._

"_Shut up…up…shut…up…shut up…"_

_Green._

_Bright white light. _

_A sickening scream._

_The first impact sending the right shoulder into the window. Shattering glass. _

_The world becoming upside down. The blood rushing to the head. The edge of the seatbelt cutting into the neck._

_The world becoming upright again. The forehead smashing against the dashboard. Stars invading the vision. The sound of a car horn._

_Hanging upside down another time. Gravity making dizziness inevitable. The sudden urge to vomit._

_Another flip. The left knee slamming into the armrest. Hands frantically trying to find something to hold onto. More shattering glass._

_The seatbelt cutting off the air tube, struggling to breathe. Upside down as the car wavers and slides to a stop. Blood rushing to the head. Red stars attacking the eyesight._

_The struggle to turn the head towards the driver's seat. Blood. Dark eyes boring into the wide blue ones._

_The death seen in the darkness. The pupils that had no gleam. The brown irises once full of light and sparks._

_The glaze that covered them now._

_Screaming at what was the end of the world._

"_Sam…Sam…"_

_Terror._

"_Sam…"_

_This is it._

"_SAM!"_

_This is the end._

_Tick, tock. Tick, - - -_

My eyes shot open and I was greeted by white. My head throbbed. My nostrils had something inside of them. I panicked, trying to breathe. I felt painful tugs near my wrists and elbows. I saw figures in white.

Was this what it was like to die?

They were holding me down, trying to put an end to my existence. I could sense it. I couldn't let that happen. But it hurt the more I struggled against them. What was going _on_?

Then I heard screaming. Where was it coming from? Where _am _I?

It took me a few more seconds to realize that it was coming from me.

I took a deep breath for a second, still trying to figure out my surroundings. Voices. Three, four, five of them? _"Stop…it's alright…sshhh…"_

"Sam…? Sam…!"

This voice wasn't as hazy as the others. I fought against my drowsiness and nausea, trying to make out the words.

"Sam, everything's going to be fine, sweetheart." My mind was foggy, but I promised myself that I would kill whoever said that to me, once I figured out what on earth was going _on_, that is. "You're in the hospital but you're safe, alright? Do you know what month it is?"

I muttered unintelligibly, my head spinning. What…month…? What?

What _happened_? I was in the car, and Carly, and bright light, and pain…

Chiz. _CHIZ_!

No, no, no…this wasn't happening. It _WASN'T!_

I was eighteen now. "Eprl…" I managed, blinking several times. Light brown hair. "Say it again, honey. What month is it?"

Okay, this chick seriously had to _stop_ calling me nicknames for four-year-olds.

"April…" I said a little clearer.

I heard a relieved sigh. "Alright, good. Do you know what your last name is?"

"Carly…"

"Sam, what's your last name?"

"Puck…Puckett…w-where's Carly?"

But I already knew the answer. I had watched her die inches from my face.

Her blank stare would forever be etched on my brain.

* * *

FREDDIE POV; ONE HOUR LATER

_Rrringgg. Rrringgg._

I groaned and shoved my head under the pillow on my bed. Couldn't the world see that I wanted to wither away to nothing on my own?

_Rrringgg. RRRINGGG._

"GAH!" I shrieked and snatched my cell phone off of the bedside table. I quickly glanced at the caller ID. Spencer.

"What?" I answered a little rudely.

"I need to talk to you."

"Well, here I am," I responded with a monotone.

His voice was dead serious. "It's about Sam."

My heart leapt into my throat, choking me. She was dead.

I started cursing myself, hating myself for the times I refused to visit her, just because I was too afraid of becoming attached. Her time was limited. I should have been there. I should have cherished every second that she was still alive. I gave up on her when she needed me the most. And I was supposed to be her best friend. But I couldn't go back and redo what I'd done. I had lost Carly, and now Sam. My life was over.

"She…woke up."

What?

"S-she…she _did_?"

I bolted out of my bed, one arm already in a sleeve of my jacket. "How is she?"

"She's…decent. She apparently knows what her last name is."

I didn't know how to take that last sentence.

I raced out of my room, grabbing the car keys off of the kitchen counter. "Okay, well I'm going there now."

"Don't you need a ride?"

"No; my mom carpooled to work again." I scrawled a brief note to her so she wouldn't freak out when she came home to an empty apartment. "I'll take her car." I heard my stomach growl as I slammed the front door shut and ran to the elevator.

"I'll see you here, then."

"Okay." I made a move to hang up.

"Freddie?"

I put the phone back to my ear. "Yeah?"

A brief silence. The tone of his voice made my heart thud.

"Drive safe, okay?"

I breathed in shakily. "You got it, Spence."

* * *

TEN MINUTES LATER; SAM POV

"Fine."

"And your head?"

"Okay, I guess."

"What about your arm?"

I frowned. "Spencer? Why are you even talking to me?"

His eyes widened a little and his eyebrows scrunched together.

"What are you talking about?"

I sighed and looked away. "I killed her."

"Huh?"

"I killed your sister."

His face hardened. "Sam. Don't _ever_ say that again. You did _not_ kill her. It was an accident. _None_ of this was your fault."

"But if it wasn't for me, then-"

"Sam. Stop."

I fiddled with the bed sheets. "I know you hate me Spencer. Who wouldn't?"

"Sam, don't be ridiculous." He rose from the chair and went over to the bed. "I love you, alright? You're like a sister to me."

It got deathly quiet.

I suddenly burst into tears, his last sentence echoing in my mind.

Spencer immediately wrapped me in a hug and I let myself cry. No matter what he said, this was _all _my fault. I would never see Carly again. Carly would never realize life to its full potential.

"I'm sorry Sam. I'm so sorry," Spencer whispered as he lightly stroked my hair. I could tell he was struggling not to cry, which made me feel even worse. I was the cause of his pain. Of everyone's pain. Everyone who knew Carly was in pain because of _me._

When I was done, he pulled away and reluctantly returned to his chair. I wouldn't look at him.

I heard the curtain scrape against the bar attached to the ceiling and I immediately closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep. I didn't feel like talking to any more doctors. Hadn't they put me through enough?

"Spencer?"

I knew that voice.

"Hey."

"I thought you said she was awake!"

"She is-oh." I heard him pause. _Please, don't give me away Spencer._ "Um, I guess she got tired. Look, I have to go, are you okay here by yourself?"

"Sure."

_Scrape._ That was the curtain, signaling Spencer's departure. _Screech._ The sound of someone dragging a chair. _Squeak_. The sound of someone sitting in a chair, now near the head of the bed. My heart was pounding. I didn't want to face him. Not here. Not now.

A loud breath. _Please, let him think I'm asleep._ I had killed the one he loved. He hated me.

"Hey," he spoke softly. I struggled to keep my breaths even and calm.

"I…I'm glad you're okay."

Hmm, that's something anyone would say. He definitely hated me. I could tell.

"I know you're awake."

_Chiz._ How'd he know?

I hesitantly opened one eye. "Dang it," I muttered.

He half-smiled and I saw his eyes trail over my battered face, the bandages around my head, and back to my face.

When his eyes met mine, I had to look away. I had caused him so much pain.

"Why are you here," I stated, rather than asked.

"Because you're here."

"You know what I mean."

"Not really, no."

The dork just loved torturing me, didn't he.

I sighed as I realized I couldn't roll over on my side to turn away from him. Stupid tubes. Stupid casts. Stupid restrictive bed thing. It took all I had just to turn my head away.

"I know you hate me, Freddie."

Pause. "For what?"

"You know what."

"No…"

If this nub was stupid enough not to know, then he didn't deserve to know. "Never mind."

"Sam, what are y-"

"Never mind."

"Sa-"

"Never mind."

I heard him sigh. "Okay. Well, how're you feeling?"

"Fine."

He snorted softly at my obvious lie.

I turned my head back. "Well how do you _think_ I'm feeling?"

He shrugged. "You're right, stupid question."

I couldn't believe how simple and nonchalant our conversation was. He should be sobbing over Carly. I should be struggling to hold in tears of my own. It should be like one of those cliché medical TV series, right?

Well, this was real life. Unfortunately.

I didn't have much else to say, and a silence prevailed between us. But for some reason it wasn't very awkward. It was…a comfortable silence. A silence constantly broken by that stupid beeping from that stupid machine.

One thing I did hate was how weak and pale I must have looked. And the fact that I couldn't hide my weakness this time. And what my stupid mouth made me say next.

"I'm sorry, Freddie."

He searched my eyes for answers, obviously confused. I felt even weaker under his scrutinizing gaze.

"For what?"

Just as I thought that I wasn't going to get out of this one…

_Scrape._

I smiled softly, oddly happy at the appearance of the newest occupant of the room. "Hey, mom."

Her face broke into a grin. "So you did wake up…"

"Spencer called you?"

She nodded and came over to awkwardly hug my bandaged figure. "And you're still…functioning."

I smirked a little. "Yeah, Spencer told me I knew my last name, so that's good."

She chuckled and twirled a blonde lock of my hair around her finger. "I knew this Puckett would pull through."

I glanced over at Freddie, who was oddly silent during this whole exchange. He seemed to be deep in thought about something. He was frowning.

"Freddie?"

He looked up.

"You…okay?"

He nodded hard and fast. "I'm gonna go." His voice had an odd monotone to it.

And before I could reply, he was gone.

_Scrape._

* * *

FREDDIE POV

Why didn't Carly get that second chance at life that Sam did? Why did _her_ life get taken away? Why couldn't I have had the chance to say goodbye? Why does life have to be so fragile?

_Sam shoved me out of the way, making me almost collide into the opposite wall. I barely concealed my anger towards her._

_I looked at Carly, trying to tell her that she didn't have to go to the concert. She shrugged and followed Sam's retreating figure. We made eye contact for a brief moment._

_I knew I wouldn't be able to change her mind, so I entered the apartment. But I was unable to shake off an uneasy feeling._

If only I had acted upon that feeling. If only Spencer hadn't gone to Yakima. If only Sam hadn't gotten the tickets. If only Sam hadn't taken Carly with her. If only Sam didn't always have to break the rules. If only Sam had a conscience. If only Sam knew how many lives she had screwed up.

I felt the monster coming over me, devouring my insides, invading my vision, controlling my brain. I felt it place all of my anger, frustration, pain, and blame all on one person. One female. One blonde.

And I couldn't stop it.

* * *

**So…how'd I do? **Did you have any favorite quotes? ** Pretty please review? :D**

**Btw, I was listening to "Closer" by Anberlin while I was editing this. BEAST. My fave band of all time. **

**THANK YOU to: 'Geekquality', 'Complicated-Love', 'Seddieforeverx3', 'Purple xx', 'mekaylawrotethis', 'Spaghetti tacos and stuff', 'mamaluvsangst', 'icecoffee18', 'TnxDan', 'Take this and kick it', and 'alwayssmiling11'. **

**You guys motivate me to keep writing. :) **


	5. Chapter 5: Broken Boundaries

**I WAS AT THE KCAs!**

**Well, sorta.**

**The Wednesday before the KCAs, I was at Cali for spring break (I now have that whole sun-kissed feel; my hair got lighter and my skin got darker :D ) and saw USC for a college visit. After the tour, we were driving around and I saw people putting up KCA wallpaper on the street at the site where they interviewed stars and stuff. IT WAS AWESOME! I actually screamed, and my mom was like…wow…you need a life…**

**But it was SO COOL! I felt so special that I was there :D Too bad I flew out on Saturday and didn't get to meet anybody, like Jennette.**

**Sigh.**

**I'M SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE! *runs away from angry mob* Busy, busy, busy. And I got a visit from my long-time nemesis Writer's Block.**

**AND FANFICTION STOPPED WORKING! Ugh, it was the most frustrating thing EVER...**

**This chapter is dedicated to "Call Your Name" by Daughtry and "Sheets" by Damien Jurado. Listen to them while you R&R! DO ITTTTT!**

"**I've got some imperfections / but how can you collect them all / and throw them in my face?" ***NAME THAT SONG*** (perfect quote for the chap)**

**One more thing (sorry :/ ) - I don't own iCarly.**

* * *

SAM POV

"…_how amazing you are…are…"_

_Screeching tires._

_A car horn._

_Breaking glass._

_Car metal scraping against pavement._

_Dark, empty eyes._

"_Happy birfday!"_

What?

I jolted awake and bolted upright in the bed, head and heart pounding away. Cords connected to my skin created painful tugs that made me grimace.

"Guppy! I told you to be quiet!"

Bewildered, I swung my head to the right and saw that the two chairs near the bed were occupied.

"Happy birfday!" A small bundle of flowers was shoved in my lap.

I couldn't help but smile a little through the pain. "Hey, Gup." I noticed the other visitor. "Gib."

"Sorry, Sam. I told him to stop saying that about fourteen times, but nothing's working."

"Happy bir-"

"STOP!"

I was suddenly really glad they were there. It felt nice not to be so alone. Not that I would ever admit it out loud, of course.

"Thank you for the pretty flowers, Gup." I forced myself to pick them up and sniff, pretending to love their scent. I never was a huge flower kinda girl.

His cheeks flushed and he looked at the white floor, grinning from ear to ear. Suddenly he came over and put his arms around me and rested his head on my chest. "You're welcome, Sammy."

I didn't really know how to react; I wasn't used to this sort of thing. So I just awkwardly placed my hands on his back. After a moment, he pulled away.

He returned to his seat next to Gibby, who was saying, "So, Sam…how are you?"

As if he cared. I was sure that he hated me along with everyone else.

"Fine," I replied curtly. I tossed the flowers on the little table next to the bed.

He cleared his throat. "How's the food here?"

"Terrible. It doesn't even deserve to be called food." Don't I sound pleasant?

"I figured as much. And they only have bar soap in the bathrooms; it's disgusting."

I rolled my eyes at his sudden obsession with liquid soap.

"_Pick up the phone, 'cause you want this call and you cannot lie, you other brothahs can't deny, when a girl calls in with a custom tone that's ringin' on your brand new phone you get sprung! Better pick up, son-"_

"Hello?" Gibby was holding his Pear Phone to his ear.

Was that a _ringtone?_

"Hey Mom!...No, I did not shampoo the couch…no…but I'm at the...okay, _okay_! Fine! We'll be right there."

He shoved his phone in his pocket grumbling to himself. "C'mon, Guppy. Sorry Sam. Our couch got mysteriously shampooed again and my mom's ticked off big time. We'll come back soon, okay?"

I shrugged, wondering how you could shampoo a couch. "Whatever."

The two of them got up and exited the room. Before the curtain closed, I heard Guppy call out, "Happy birfday!"

I started to smile, and that's when I realized it. It wasn't happy. It wasn't a happy birthday at _all_. I had ended the life of my best friend on the anniversary of the day that my life had started. And that was just too much.

I broke down. I completely lost it, sobbing away and trying to hold it in but failing miserably. I couldn't let anyone hear me, so I used my pale hands to cover my face and mouth, almost smothering myself in the process. It was probably better if I died anyway.

I heard footsteps down the hall, approaching the enclosed area I was occupying. I forced myself to stop crying and turned over on my side, away from the entrance, so that I would have a little more time to compose myself.

_Scrape._ "Hey," he said flatly.

"Hi," I mumbled into the sheets, blinking hard to erase any leftover tears.

"Got you something."

A wonderful smell permeated my nose. Forgetting about my complexion, I sat up and looked at him. A beautiful sight awaited me.

"A bucket of fried chicken from B.F. Wangs! Finally, someone who knows my needs!" I snatched the container from him and took a huge bite. My taste buds danced with joy.

"Yeah." He sat down.

Suddenly, her dark and lifeless eyes attacked my vision, filling my heart with a searing pain that made me want to vomit. I ditched the bucket and dropped it next to the flowers. I felt my throat close up.

"Not hungry?" He asked me in a weird monotone. I shrugged and looked away. He would never understand.

"Your face is red," he commented.

Chiz. "Well…I just woke up."

"That's funny, because I saw Gibby and Guppy on the way up here. He said they were just visiting you." His tone sounded challenging, almost…demeaning?

"They weren't here long."

He grunted.

"Why are you acting so weird?" I asked him.

"Define weird." Very brief. Very abrupt. Very blunt.

"That." I shifted my position in the bed. "You're talking funny."

He sighed and snapped, "I'm fine, alright?"

I looked away.

I heard him sigh again. "Sorry. Just…stuff."

Stuff that I caused. Pain that I was responsible for. I ruined his life. I ruined everything.

I was silent, so he spoke up again. "So when're you getting out of here?"

"I don't know. No one here ever gives me a straight answer."

Silence prevailed once again.

"I'm gonna go," he announced in that weird monotone again. "Bye."

Before I had time to respond, he had left. I didn't even hear the scrape of the curtain.

* * *

FREDDIE POV

I was going to ask her to the senior prom, you know that?

No, I guess you don't. I had this entire plan worked out. I was going to put a clue in her locker, which would lead her to another clue in the lab. Which would then lead her to the principal's office. And then the cafeteria, where I would be standing on a table in the midst of all the swarming Ridgeway students, a single rose in my hand, and I would pose my question in front of the entire school.

Don't get me wrong; I didn't have feelings for her. I crossed that bridge a _long_ time ago. I was asking as a friend. I thought it would be a fun experience for the both of us.

And then she died.

And every time I look at her killer, that blonde-headed demon, I start to lose my mind. I can't help it. I'm infected with some disease that I can't control, maybe a disease that I don't even _want_ to control. It's her fault. This is _all_ her fault.

I couldn't see straight when I was in that room. She noticed, but didn't know why. How could she _not_ know? If she hadn't already realized everything that had happened was her fault, then she couldn't be human. What kind of human doesn't have a conscience?

What kind of person can kill her best friend and be able to eat afterwards?

True, I _had_ brought the chicken to her. I was trying to erase that anger, that rage, that utter _hatred_ that I felt towards her. But I soon figured out that it wasn't going away anytime soon. I shouldn't even try. I didn't _want_ to try. She deserved to be hated. She deserved to have the consequences of her actions finally bite her back. She deserved to feel alone, lost, and torn. She deserved to feel like I did.

I didn't know how much longer I could hold it in.

* * *

SAM POV

A couple weeks passed. Spencer visited daily. My mother almost daily. The Gibson's a couple times a week. Freddie…well…it wasn't really consistent.

I remember one visit so vividly, even today. Guppy came with his older brother for a half hour or so. After they left and closed the curtain, I heard him ask Gibby, "When are we seeing Carly?"

My body started trembling. My skin crawled; I felt millions of tiny insects running across my body. I tore at the hair on my head and curled up into a ball, shaking so hard I could hear the bed rattle.

And I cried. I had cried more in those couple weeks than in my entire life. By far.

No one had come outright and said that it was my fault. It made me suspicious and nervous of course, but it added a sense of…I don't know…comfort? I mean, I could be wrong. Of course I blamed myself, but did everyone else? Did I have at least _some_one on my side?

May 23rd. I came home on that day. My mother drove me home. I sat in the back, staring at the empty passenger seat the entire ride home.

The week that followed was spent doing work. For school.

Needless to say, I wasn't in the mood to do it. Carly was gone. It had only been a little over a month. But my teachers and especially Principal Franklin sympathized and didn't make me complete all of the assignments; maybe about half, maybe even less. I took my finals online. Spencer offered to drive my finished work over to the school.

Freddie never did return to school. He went through the same process that I did, but I heard from Spencer that his grades plummeted.

I made him suffer. I caused that.

* * *

June 1st.

* * *

"_Why did you do this to me, Sam?"_

_Her black hair was matted with dark red. The gash on her forehead was bleeding profusely._

"_What did I ever do to deserve this? I thought we were best friends!"_

_We are, I wanted to scream. We were._

"_And I see you're perfectly recovered. I never did get that chance that you did." _

_Her eyes were black glass._

"_Do you know why I didn't get that chance? It was YOU, Sam. You stole it from me. It was _mine._"_

_She walked closer. Fresh cuts and bruises appeared on her seemingly transparent skin. Her eyes began to show a faint red tint. _

"_Now look at me, Sam. Are you proud of what you've done? Are you happy now? Did you get what you wanted?"_

_No, Carly. No. This was never what I wanted. No, no, no._

"_I can't HEAR you, Sam! Speak up! Say it to my face!"_

_Her eyes were glowing red now. I could see furious flames in them as she floated closer._

_I can't talk, Carly! I'm sorry, I'm SORRY!_

_She snorted with a disgusted look on her face. "Totally like you. You're so tough except when your free will comes from the future to haunt you. Have a nice life. I sure won't."_

_Her eyes transformed back into black glass. Her body became more and more transparent until she completely disappeared into the air. Her eyes remained visible._

_I silently screamed._

And then I was screaming out loud, sweaty and twisted in the wrinkled sheets of my bed.

* * *

June 2nd.

* * *

I was at the Groovy Smoothie. He came in.

He sat down with me. He had the same monotone voice.

He walked home with me. We were in my room, sitting on my bed.

He had been acting weird all day again. Well, he had been acting weird for over a month. I felt that barrier between us and honestly, it felt awful.

"I heard Spencer had you and your mom over for dinner last night. How was it?"

"Fine."

"Did you…have fun?" I asked lamely. It was hard to make conversation with him now.

"Whatever."

"Freddie, what is _up_ with you?" I'd had enough. I needed to know.

"What?"

"Don't say 'what'. I'm serious. You've been acting weird for the past month and it's really starting to get to me."

"You're mad? _You're_ mad?"

"Uh, I'm starting to get a little mad, yeah."

"I can't _believe_ you."

"Excuse me?"

He shot up from the bed. "You of _all_ people are mad."

"Get to the point."

And then he exploded.

"How DARE you! YOU KILLED HER! _You're_ the one that convinced her to leave that night! She would've stayed home if it weren't for you! You're so _selfish_! You made her disobey Spencer just for a stupid concert for your STUPID birthday! And now look at what you've done! You KILLED her! Now she won't be ABLE to have an eighteenth birthday!"

I was at a loss for words, but his just kept coming.

"I was going to ask her to the _prom_! We were all going to graduate together! She was going to go to college and start her career and LIVE! I hate you Sam, I HATE YOU! You killed Carly! You ruined my life! You ruined Spencer's life; you've ruined _everything!_ This is YOUR fault! _I hate you_! It should've been YOU! She deserved to live; _you_ should have taken her place! I hate you! I wish YOU were dead! I hate you, I hate you, I HATE YOU!"

He stormed out of my room and slammed the door shut, nearly breaking it off the hinges.

I didn't cry. I didn't move. I didn't blink.

I didn't do any of those things because I couldn't. I was frozen. Lifeless. Hollow.

Destroyed.

* * *

FREDDIE POV; ONE WEEK LATER

I knew I couldn't hold it in. I wasn't strong enough.

The words just slid from my mouth. I admit it; I was out of control. I was completely _wrong_.

It was bad enough that Sam had lost her best friend. I couldn't be the other friend that turned against her.

I'd had multiple days to let my steam die down. As the anger died, my conscience was reborn. I had constant headaches from its screams.

So I was lamely going over to her house to apologize. I didn't know _how_ on _earth_ I was going to do it, but I had finally worked up enough courage to do it and I wasn't turning back.

I gingerly touched the doorbell and backed away from the front door a few steps. A precautionary measure.

Sam's mom opened the door. "What?"

"Uh, can I talk to your daughter?"

"Why?"

I was already starting to get fed up with her, but I controlled myself. The last time I let my anger take over didn't go too well.

"It's important. Really."

"Well, you can't."

"You don't understand; I really need to."

"I'm sorry."

"But if you could just-"

"Look, I don't know who you think you are, but Sam's not here right now."

"When will she be back?"

She gave me an exasperated look. "Not for a while."

I clenched and unclenched my fists, shutting my eyes for a brief second to control my temper. "And why not?" I asked evenly. I heard my teeth grind against each other.

She glared at me and responded.

"She moved out. She's gone."

* * *

**Soooooo….was it worth the wait? Cliffy... :D**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**A **_**huge**_** thanks to 'Purple xx', 'mamaluvsangst', 'bluejay63', 'alwayssmiling11', 'Gerren', 'Geekquality', 'iBlowDandelions', 'Beautiful soul 2 you', 'TnxDan', and 'icecoffee18'.**

***Special Thanks* 'seddieforever16' and 'Luna 188' - your reviews made me smile so much! thank youuuu!**

**If you want to know where I heard Gibby's ringtone, you can ask in a review or message me for a link :)**

**PLEASE notify me of any grammatical mistakes! I edited this at 2 in the morning X/**


	6. Chapter 6: Inception

**PLEASE READ: Last weekend I came close to witnessing a shooting. Not more than a block from where we had our water polo tournament, there was a shooting at the same time we were arriving at the school by bus. Minutes before it happened, our bus driver decided to get to the school by a different route (not where the shooting was). If he hadn't done that…we would have been there…**

**I'm just saying that the whole point I'm writing this story is to show you that LIFE IS FRAGILE. Many learn that the hard way.**

**Listen to "Start Again" by Red while you R&R. Pretty please? And I hate having to keep saying this, but I think it's necessary. I don't own iCarly.**

*****THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO MY THREE EMAIL BUDDIES 'Geekquality', 'TnxDan', AND 'alwayssmiling11'. LOVE YOU ALL! :) *****

* * *

FREDDIE POV

"Wait, _what_?"

Her mother shrugged. "She's old enough, I guess. I tried to talk her out of it, but she had…a valid reason..."

My heart pummeled. Sam's mom knew. I was _so_ dead.

But I was still having a hard time processing what she had said before. She was…gone? I just didn't see how that was possible.

"Where did she…go?" I ventured.

Instead of answering my question, I got a "Who _are_ you, anyway?"

She seriously didn't know who I was? I guess Sam wasn't lying when she said that her mother had never seen an episode of iCarly. The few times I went over to Sam's house were when her mother wasn't home. So no, I guess she didn't.

"Uh…a friend."

"Her friend's dead."

A chill went up my spine.

"No…I'm her other…friend." The word tasted bitter on my tongue. I had lost the privilege to call her that.

"Does 'other friend' have a name?" She rudely responded, eyebrows raised.

"Uh…Freddie Ben-"

"YOU?" She suddenly shrieked, her eyes exploding into a fiery pit of flames. Her voice transformed into a low growl. "Get out."

I could only blink.

"Get OUT!" I stumbled backwards, falling onto the rough concrete as the door was slammed in my face. My left hand instantly clutched onto my now bleeding right elbow.

As I slowly made my way back to the apartment complex, I had an uneasy feeling that this was only foreshadowing what was to come.

* * *

FREDDIE POV; THE SAME DAY

Where did she _go_? This whole situation seemed so un_real_. I knew that Sam wasn't going to college, but moving out and living on her own? _Already?_

In the middle of denying that all this was my fault, I heard pounding on the front door. My mom was working so I answered it.

A hand shot forward, grabbed my T-shirt, and dragged me across the hallway into the opposite apartment. I was thrown onto the couch.

"Spencer?"

"What did you DO?" he basically screamed at me.

"Uh…" I trailed off, even though I knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Sam's _gone!_ I just got off the phone with her mom!"

Maybe I could convince Spencer to tell me. "Where is she?"

Fury blazed in his eyes. "What did you _say_ to her?"

I looked away and faced the truth. "Some pretty bad stuff, Spencer," I whispered, hating the sound of my own voice.

"Like what," he demanded lowly. I could tell that he was on the brink of exploding.

I started breathing funny as my vision became blurred with the liquid that was forming in my eyes. "Bad things…"

"Freddie, I'm asking this for the _last_ time. _What_ did you _tell_ her?"

I felt a drop slide down the skin of my cheek. "Th-that it was…her fault…and that…s-she killed her a-and I hated her…" Spencer's eyes widened more and more with every detail. "…and that she ruined everyone's lives-but Spencer, I was just so upset over losing Carly that I-"

"Don't you DARE try and justify what you did!" he interrupted. "Do you think you're the only one that misses her? Huh?"

"No…" I pathetically managed.

"Sam was _devastated_. She couldn't stand the fact that it was her fault. Every time I visited her in the hospital, she kept telling me that she killed Carly and that she was sorry. She told me to stop coming because I hated her. _She _actually told _me_ that _I_ hated her."

"I…"

"And how do you think she felt about _you_? She was _terrified_ of you, Freddie! You were obsessed with my sister at one point and she probably thought that you still had feelings for her!"

I hated how he always used the past tense. He made it seem like it was over. That was it. There was nothing I could do to fix this.

There had to be. There _had_ to be.

"I…"

"You were the only friend she had left. She has _no_ one now. I tried to be there for her but she wanted _you_, Freddie. Someone she spent every day with. Someone who might _understand_."

I stopped sputtering "I…" and just listened, head hung in silence.

"I don't know how you're going to fix this, but this is on you. So _do_ something."

He didn't need to tell me that. I had already decided myself.

* * *

SAM POV

"See ya, Sam!"

I glanced over my shoulder and grinned at Tara. "Tomorrow at six, right?"

"In the _morning_."

I gave her a look and hung my dirty clothes over my arm. "Thanks for reminding me."

Her laugh harmonized with the bell that jingled as I walked out the door. I shivered and pulled my jacket tighter around me as a gust of wind pierced through my clothes. It was June…the weather was supposed to be warm, right?

Wrong.

My apartment was about fifteen minutes away by walking. Yeah, my apartment. It sounds so fancy and mature, right?

Wrong.

Rent was only $650 a month so it was pretty dumpy. It was small too, but I didn't really need a lot of space. I did spend the entirety of yesterday cleaning it though, which I think we all know is NOT something I like to do. But life moves on, and so do people.

I got a job; I didn't want my mother's help in paying. I knew everyone was expecting this kind of job out of me, and it came true. I wasn't some insurance agent. I wasn't some pre-med intern or something.

I was a waitress at a breakfast and lunch diner.

And it sounds easy, right?

Wrong. You guys seriously need to get your facts straight.

Being nice to people wasn't one of my strong traits. But if I wanted tips to pay for rent and groceries and all that stuff, that was what it took. My hand constantly cramped from writing so fast and balancing multiple dishes on one arm was always a scary experience.

And don't even get me _started_ on the dress and apron I had to wear.

But at least I had life.

I knew my mother thought that I had taken my whole situation a little too far. But his words cut me deep, to say the very least. The best thing to do was to start again.

I jumped when my cell phone vibrated in the back pocket of my black jeans. Shifting my filthy work clothes onto my other arm, I answered it without checking the Caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Sam? Sam, hi!"

I bit the inside of my lip. "Hey…"

"Sam, where are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Yeah, but where _are_ you?"

I pressed the phone between my ear and shoulder and zipped up my jacket all the way. "Not to be rude or anything, but does that really matter?"

I heard him sigh. "Okay, okay. Man, I can't believe I reached you. How're you doing?"

I shrugged before realizing he couldn't see me. "Average."

"Are you staying with someone?"

"Spencer, I'm eighteen. I can handle living in an apartment by myself."

"But how do you pay? Does your mom-"

"No," I snapped. I didn't know why I was so touchy about that.

"Oh." I could hear the wheels in his brain turn. "Sam…"

"What?"

"Why…why don't you come home?"

"I am home."

"You know what I mean."

"Nothing's changed. Except for, you know, the obvious."

"But I can't visit you or anything?"

"No."

I hated talking about this. I hated hearing him in pain. I hated experiencing what I thought would go away. I hated communicating with the ones I cared about. The ones I destroyed.

"Goodbye, Spencer." _Click._

* * *

NORMAL POV

"_I am home…Nothing's changed…"_

She _had_ to be in Seattle still. He could feel it.

* * *

FREDDIE POV

I was gulping down a glass of Wahoo Punch and deciding how to fix everything when another round of fists hacked away at the door. I grimaced. "Come in, Spencer. It's open."

His face was flushed as he stumbled inside. "She's still in Seattle!"

I hadn't even thought about her being in a different city or state. "Huh? How do you know?" I heard a beating in my chest. "You…talked to her?"

He nodded and a wave of an unknown emotion enveloped me. "And she told you where she was?"

He shook his head.

"Oh, just that she was still in the city?"

He hesitated and shook his head again.

I was confused. "So…her mom told you?"

"NO!" he shouted. "I just _know_, alright?"

I was doubtful but wasn't ready to disagree with a disoriented Spencer. "Okay…so what do we do?"

"_We?_" he began. "_You_ are fixing this, Freddie. _Not_ we."

"But…"

"Eh!"

"I…"

"EH!" His arms folded across his chest. "_You_."

"But I don't even know where to start!"

"She said she was living in an apartment and when I called her, horns were honking in the background. So she's probably somewhere in downtown Seattle. Just ask around; I'm sure _someone's_ seen her."

* * *

FREDDIE POV; ONE DAY LATER

Well, yesterday turned up a whole lot of _nothing_. Right after Spencer talked to me, I drove downtown and began my search. No one had seen her and none of the apartment complexes I visited had recently rented an apartment out to a Samantha Puckett.

Granted, I was looking at some pretty nice apartments. I was in such a dazed state that I didn't realize Sam would have gone for an apartment as least expensive as possible.

Which was why I went back today and redid my search.

It was two-thirty and I had been looking for six hours straight. I talked to the owners of the most dumpy apartments in town and came up with nothing. Their answer was always 'no' or 'I can't give out personal information; sorry'.

A fat lot _that_ did.

My stomach was erupting from hunger and even though I felt that I shouldn't stop the search yet, I saw a sign that read "Elle's Diner" and pulled into the small parking lot.

I jumped a little as the bell over my head rung when I opened the glass door. Before I could walk forward a few more steps, an eager voice sang out "Welcome to Elle's Diner! Table for one?"

I blinked and saw black hair. For a few seconds I _swear_ I saw Sam's face. Her blue eyes. Her definitive features. Her bright smile.

I did a double-take and the girl looked at me strangely. I quickly realized her eyes were dark and her face was too narrow to be Sam's. "Uh…sure, sure…sorry," I muttered and followed her short dress and pale apron to a small table. She handed me a menu as I sat down. "Someone will come by momentarily to take your order, okay? You got here just before we start to close up, so enjoy!"

I nodded and rubbed my forehead. I _swear_ I saw Sam's face. It was official; I was losing it.

* * *

SAM POV

I pulled the pale pink dress down for about the fiftieth time that day. It was _way_ too short.

"Sam, you got another customer at table five."

I groaned. "Already? I'm having trouble just serving the first four tables!"

She grinned. "I just put up the 'Closed' sign so no one else is coming in. Don't worry."

"Tara…help me…?" I pleaded, half-joking.

"Nuh-uh. This one's yours. I've got tables six through twelve and they're all full. Table five only has one dude; you can handle it."

"Fine…" I grabbed my pad of paper and started to shuffle out of the kitchen when I heard, "Sam, wait! Table seven's tuna casserole is ready!" I turned on my heel and grabbed the plate from him. "Thanks, Manny." One of the cooks, if you hadn't figured that out.

"Wait, table seven? Tara, this is yours!"

"Oh, um, could you get that for me?" She looked so exhausted and overwhelmed that I really didn't mind.

Table seven was right by the window and the sun was blaring inside the diner, so I had to squint a little bit. "Here you go, sir. Sorry for the wait." As I set the plate down, he winked at me and replied, "Don't worry 'bout it, babe." I shivered and quickly walked away, pulling my dress down again.

On my way to table five, I brushed by Tara on her way to one of her tables. "Uh…who is that?" I stopped her and motioned to the table I was just at. A frown appeared on her face. "Oh, I forgot to tell you about him. Always sits in the same spot, always orders the same thing, comes in every Tuesday. He's creepy, but we need the business. Long story short; don't make eye contact."

I gave her a bizarre look and responded, "Thanks for letting me know…"

She laughed and I moved on. "Hey, blondie!" I suddenly heard and swiveled my head around towards a customer from another table. "Another Pepsi over here, alright?" I resisted rolling my eyes and nodded.

I approached table five and halted in my tracks. My heart pounded in my skull, shattering it. My feet instantly became lead and I had trouble keeping my hold on the pad.

What was _he_ doing here?

* * *

**I HATE to do this to you all…but please review? Because the more I get the more motivated I am to get out quicker & better updates…I dunno, lately I've been feeling…down? Less determined to write? It would be AMAZING if I got 14 for this chap.**

*****When I get FOURTEEN reviews, you can be SURE you will get a NEW CHAPTER within a day or two.*****

**I know I'm asking for a lot…but it takes me a LONG time to get these chapters written, edited, & uploaded. Also please let me know if I have any grammatical errors.**

**Thank you ALL for your support: including my amazing reviewers 'PurpelSeddier', 'mamaluvsangst', 'Geekquality', 'Luna 188', 'seddieforever16', 'Purple xx', 'Take this and kick it', 'TnxDan', 'alwayssmiling11', 'icecoffee18', 'TotallyAwesomeSuperFan', and an anonymous reviewer without a screenname. XD**

**Again, 'Luna 188' and 'seddieforever16'…you guys ROCK. 'TotallyAwesomeSuperFan', your review made my night…THANK YOU. Really. :)**


	7. Chapter 7: Chasing Thin Air

**May I just say that you guys are AMAZING! The feedback I got on the last chapter made me so happy; you have NO idea! A lot of you said that you were crying while reading; that almost made ME cry! I love it when I get people to feel such emotion with my writing :) I am so blessed!**

**So as I promised, here's Chapter Seven… Listen to "Set Fire to the Rain" and "Turning Tables" by Adele as you R&R. She is SUCH a PHENOMENAL musician, love her so much. And I don't own iCarly. Still. Sigh…**

* * *

SAM POV

_He's-he's…here…_

I was so stunned that I couldn't move for a couple of seconds. When I somewhat came to my senses, I felt the order pad slip out of my hands and my feet race me into the kitchen. When I was safely inside, I stood in place as my eyes and head darted around, searching for an escape. I _had_ to get out of here. My heart was throbbing in my chest and every ounce of my being was on fire.

I soon realized that Tara was staring at me with the strangest look on her face. "Uh…Sam?"

"I-is there a back d-door to this place?" I pathetically stuttered.

"No…"

"Chiz!" I hissed. I tore off my apron and grabbed my regular clothes from a nearby counter. I tugged on my jeans under my dress as Tara asked, "Why?"

"If the guy from table five wants to come in here, don't let him, okay?"

"Is he a creeper like table seven?"

"No! Just…please, okay?" I stumbled over to a corner and ordered, "Manny, don't look."

"Okay..." He resumed cooking, eyes averted. I ripped the dress off and pulled the sweatshirt on over my head.

"But-" Tara began.

Random tears started to form. "Please. It's really important." She took one look at me and nodded quickly.

As I searched for my phone amidst the clutter of the kitchen, I saw Tara exit through the swing door. Not soon after that, I heard a voice.

_His_ voice.

"Can I talk to the waitress for a sec?"

I froze. Out of my peripheral vision I saw Manny give me a questioning look, but I was too busy being a deer in the headlights.

"You got her," Tara responded.

"No, no; another waitress. She's blonde. Can I go in there for a minute?"

"Sorry, only employees are allowed in here."

I snapped out of my daze and groped around for my stupid cell phone.

"Well then can she come out here?"

I could hear the suspicion in Tara's voice. "Why?"

"I just want to talk to her; that's all."

_Where is my stupid PHONE!_

"Why?"

I heard him sigh out of frustration. "Okay, then could you just tell me her name?"

I stopped short with my newly found cell phone in hand. _Tara, DON'T…!_

"Why do you need to know?" I sighed as the tiniest bit of relief seeped through my pores. _Now how am I going to get out of here?_

"Just _TELL _me!" I winced at the rage in his voice as I recognized that tone from a week and a half ago.

"Sir, can I ask you to return to your seat?"

"But-"

"Sir," Tara spoke firmly. "I wouldn't want to call the police, now would I?"

I heard grumbling and a muffled "Fine". Tara reentered the kitchen and when she saw me, threw her arms out in a questioning gesture. "Who _was _that? Sam, what is going _on_?"

"Long story, no time." I jerked my head towards the door. "Is it all clear?"

She peeked through the small circular window in the door. "Uh, not really. He's at the table but not taking his eye off the door."

I breathed loudly, clenching my phone in my hand. "Then I'm going to make a run for it." I set my jaw.

"But Sam-"

"I'll call you later and explain everything, okay? I'm sorry; I really have to go." I took a final look around to make sure I didn't leave anything behind.

"Um…okay?"

I gave her a final and sad look. "Thanks for everything, Tara. Bye Manny." They were so confused that all they could do was nod.

I took a deep breath. _Here I go…_

I let my hair fall over my face as I sped-walked through the swing door and towards the entrance. _Twenty feet…nineteen…eighteen…seve-_

"_SAM_?"

_Run, Puckett, RUN!_

* * *

FREDDIE POV

So one moment, I see out of the corner of my eye a waitress coming over to take my order. The next moment when I look up, a pad of paper is abandoned on the floor a few feet from the table and the door to the kitchen is swinging back and forth, recently used.

I didn't see much. But what I did see was the bottom of a pale dress. And dark high tops. And a flash of blonde.

I thought I was hallucinating again. I mean, I thought a girl with dark hair and dark eyes was Sam. And I was staring _right_ at her face. But this disappearing waitress? All I saw was a lock of hair vanishing behind a swing door.

But something told me to listen to my gut.

I approached the door to the kitchen right as the dark-haired girl came out. "Can I talk to the waitress for a sec?" I asked, tension rising in my throat with every word I uttered.

"You got her," came the reply.

I furiously shook my head and tried to peer into the circular window of the door. She moved so that she blocked my vision. "No, no; another waitress. She's blonde. Can I go in there for a minute?"

"Sorry, only employees are allowed in here." Her arms crossed over her chest.

This girl was really starting to tick me off.

"Well then can she come out here?"

"Why?"

I clenched and unclenched my fists. Why was she being so defensive? I just wanted to see the freaking waitress! "I just want to talk to her; that's all."

"Why?" Her lips pursed a little, letting me know she was getting annoyed. But I didn't really care. Because Sam was here. I could feel it.

"Okay, then could you just tell me her name?" I clenched and unclenched my fists, trying to hold in my anger.

"Why do you need to know?" Her eyes flashed.

I couldn't help it, so I yelled at her, "Just _TELL_ me!" I was so close to finding Sam and this girl was the only thing in my way. I _wasn't_ going to let her disappear again without a fight.

"Sir, can I ask you to return to your seat?" Her tone was even but her eyes were shooting daggers at me.

"But-"

I leaned over to the left to catch a view of the kitchen through the window again. I saw a flash of blonde hair and my breath caught in my throat.

She leaned over to her right to block me again. I inwardly cursed at her. "Sir, I wouldn't want to call the police, now would I?"

_Sam's in there, Sam's in there, Sam is IN THERE!_

I muffled my vulgar speech and managed, "Fine…" and made my way back to the table after stealing one last glance through the window.

_One thing's for sure,_ I thought to myself._ I am NOT taking my eyes off that door._

So I sat there for what seemed like an eternity, drumming my fingers noisily on the table and running my other hand through my dark hair. I could feel myself sweating.

What was I going to say to her? Would she forgive me? Would she even listen? How would I make her come back? What if that wasn't even her?

I shook my head hard, feeling my brain bump against the sides of my skull. I immediately ruled that last question out. It _was_ her. It _had_ to be.

I resumed staring at the motionless door. I could barely make out hushed voices from inside. After multiple seconds, my eyes began to sting. After a while, I couldn't help but blink for just a moment.

Which ultimately turned out to be a huge mistake.

When my eyes reopened after a millisecond, the door had been opened and a human-shaped blur was making a beeline for the front door. She was wearing normal clothes.

_Wait a second…aren't customers not allowed in there?_ My eyes widened in realization as I recognized the blonde waves that concealed the girl's face. It was _her_.

I had trouble breathing as I shot out of the chair, but somehow had the ability to shout out her name. "SAM!"

She broke into a run.

And so did I.

The bell sounded as the door burst open. I felt no control over my legs; they were somehow moving and my arms were pumping back and forth as I raced towards her fleeing figure. "SAM!" The door slammed backwards and smashed into my face, making me fall back a few steps. My memory instantly shot back to when Spencer did the same thing at the hospital. Before all of this happened. Before all of this got even worse.

_No, no…NO!_

The sun stung my eyes as I swiveled my head from left to right, searching for the hair that matched its rays. At first I thought I had lost her already. No words can describe that moment.

And then a split second later I saw gold shimmering among the sea of people on the crowded streets of Seattle. I broke into a sprint, shoving random people out of the way and hearing shouts of "Hey!" and "Watch it!" along the way. Kind of like what you'd see in a movie. Except for the fact that this was _real_.

"SAM!" The swarm of people seemed to extend into eternity. I felt like I was losing her. The only thing that was keeping me on the right path was hearing yells of protest twenty feet in front of me as she pushed people aside.

And then the crowd thinned out and disappeared.

Everything was happening so quickly that I couldn't collect my wits together. All I could do was chase after her and call out her name.

"_SAM!"_

* * *

SAM POV

Every time he screamed my name, it was like someone taking a steak knife and stabbing me 26 times in the chest. And I'm not trying to be all dramatic or soap opera worthy or anything. I'm just stating the truth.

So what does this genius of a Puckett do next? She turns her head around to look behind her.

It was probably the stupidest thing that I've ever done.

So my head whips around at the sound of his voice before I can stop it. I don't know why I did it that time. He had been calling my name several times…so why _then_?

I see his frantic and flushed face. I see his wild hair, blown in all directions because of the wind. I hear nothing because everything becomes silent and time seems to stop. The only things I do hear are the thuds of my high tops slapping against the pavement and echoing in my skull.

What snapped me out of my trance was a lock of my hair, thrashing violently from the wind and blowing across my face, blocking my eyesight. His face vanishes from my mind for a split second, and it's enough for my head to swing back forward. And that's when I realize that I'm unconsciously running towards my apartment. It obviously wasn't the best idea for him to know where I lived. I had to lose him. Fast.

So I raced around a sharp corner, and the nearest one after that, and then another corner, and another. I caught sight of an alley and dove behind a dumpster, praying with all that I had that he didn't see me.

I heard approaching footfalls and shrunk into the shadows more, holding what little breath I had left.

"SAM!" I bit my lip so hard that I tasted blood.

I heard the steps slow down and stop, replaced by ragged breathing and gasps for air. I couldn't see him yet, but I was scared that he could hear my heart pounding from behind the trash.

And then he was there near the entrance of the alley, keeling over and catching his breath, while swinging his head around, no doubt looking for me.

"Sam!" he said a little softer, still breathing hard. "Sam…"

A drop of blood from the lip I was biting landed on my jeans. I didn't feel any pain.

I watched from behind the dumpster as he grabbed his hair with both of his hands and pulled. Hard. "Sam…"

_Stop saying my name…stop it… _

"No…_no…"_ I heard him mutter. His breathing became faster and his chest rose up and down. "NO!" he suddenly screamed. He kicked the brick wall and hit it with his fist a couple times while resting his forehead on its rugged surface. "_No…"_ he whispered.

I was torn beyond reality and comprehension. _I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…_

I waited until he left and relaxed into the shadows, a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. I then let my breath out in shudders and let a couple of silent tears stream down my face.

I couldn't let this happen again. I might actually be killed by emotions if that happened.

I needed to go or find somewhere that I could _really_ start over. Away from those I knew. In some kind of sick and twisted paradise that only I could exist in.

The first idea that popped into my mind seemed crazy. But then I twisted and turned it around and made a few minor adjustments. _No…that's insane…_

I crawled from behind the dumpster and peered around the corners of the alley walls. No Freddie anywhere.

I took a deep breath and made my way to my apartment, deep in thought but always on the lookout. _That would never work…_

I shakily slid the key into the lock and entered, securely shutting the door behind me. I leaned against the door. _What am I doing?_

I saw the pen on the small kitchen table. I glanced to the right and saw the pad of paper next to the phone. I see my reflection across the room in the bathroom mirror.

_Am I absolutely sure?_

* * *

FREDDIE POV; ONE DAY LATER

I lost her. I let her go.

I was so close. She could've been home by now. I could've been able to tell her I was sorry. I could've been able to hug her, to have her cry in my arms, to do all of the things I should have done instead of what I did.

And now I couldn't. But I had to keep looking. I found her once; I could find her again.

Mom had sent me downstairs to get the mail. I halfheartedly opened the mailbox in the lobby with our key and flipped through the envelopes.

_FREDDIE_ was scrawled on the front. My heart stopped for multiple seconds as I recognized her handwriting. I tore open the envelope and shakily unfolded what was inside.

* * *

_Freddie_

_You can stop looking for me now. You were right. I do deserve to take Carly's place in the grave. She's the one who should be alive right now; not me. I killed her. _

_I can't deal with this anymore. I've decided to start over. Somewhere where I can't feel pain; I can't feel the guilt, the hatred. I know you hate me. I know Spencer hates me, even if he doesn't show it. I know everyone who loved Carly hates me. I know I hate myself._

_I'm ending my life when I finish this letter. Don't bother looking for me anymore. No one will find me, or what will be left of me for that matter._

_Just because I don't have the strength to deal with what I've done doesn't mean you don't. Don't give up. This is what's best for me, _not_ you. I'm sorry._

_Sam_

* * *

NORMAL POV

He reads the letter.

He reads it again.

He reads it again.

He drops the letter.

* * *

NORMAL POV

She stares into the mirror and glances at the reflection of the clock.

She yanks the pale yellow towel off her head, letting auburn hair freely cascade over her shoulders.

* * *

**Guys, THIS IS NOT THE END BY **_**FAR**_**! There's at LEAST 70% of the plot left to go… XD This chapter was a little bit on the long side…hope you don't mind :)**

**If you're confused by the ending of this chap, don't worry! You'll get it soon enough ;) **

**FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT THINK SAM IS DEAD: Reread the last few sections again.**

**THE PEOPLE WHO MADE ME SMILE: 'TheRockAngel', 'ccQTccQT', 'TotallyAwesomeSuperFan', 'alwayssmiling11', 'Geekquality', 'PurpleSeddier', 'xodingoesox', 'eimi 262', 'DeDe', 'Seddieforeverx3', 'SeddierFTW', 'hitmewithyourpunchdrunklove', 'icecoffee18', 'Silver-Creasent-MOON1995', 'mekaylawrotethis', 'FallingLOVEDeeper', 'Jessica', and the anonymous reviewer without a screenname again XD.**

**It's because of you all that I updated so fast! I'm **_**still**_** having trouble believing that I posted this so quickly. Watch out for the next chapter! AND PLEASE REVIEW! Thank you SO much for your support & compliments! **


	8. Chapter 8: A Pirate's Life

**So I just watched the CSI: NY episode 'Rest in Peace Marina Garito' and noticed that the beginning collision scene was similar to the one Carly and Sam were in…so if you want to get a better idea of what happened, watch it :) I don't own iCarly and all that fun stuff. **

**So I love the song "Never Too Late" by Three Days Grace; I guess you should listen to that as you R&R. :) **

****Whatever you do, listen to "Hurt" by Johnny Cash. It made me cry, and if you know me, I don't cry.****

**Italic paragraphs are flashbacks…ITALIC SENTENCES are important quotes & represent a TIME CHANGE.**

* * *

"_Pain is the payment for each precious thing."_

* * *

FREDDIE POV

_DING._

"Where does she live?"

She whirled around, eyes widening after a few seconds when she recognized me. "Uh…"

"Sam. Where does she _live_?" I enunciated every word, looking her dead in the eye.

Her eyebrows rose. "Why?"

My hands turned into steely fists and I struggled to hold back random tears that were forming. "Don't start that again. Just tell me, _please._"

"Who _are _you?"

I rubbed my forehead. "Sam and I were friends. Well, best friends. And I said some things…and she left."

Her expression was doubtful as she tried to comprehend my short and choppy explanation. "Uh…"

"Please, do you know what apartment complex she lives in?"

She studied me for a moment. "Simson Apartments. Turn right and it's a fifteen minute walk."

I let my breath out in shudders. "Thanks…uh…" I glanced at her nametag. "Tara."

She gave me a slight nod, still scrutinizing me. "Sure."

* * *

"_We were the victims of ourselves."_

* * *

"She left yesterday. Apartment's empty." The toothpick danced around in his mouth as he spoke. "Funny thing is she left me a full month's rent on the kitchen counter. All of her things are gone too. She only stayed for a few days."

I felt the letter burn a hole in my back pocket as my shaky voice penetrated the thick and dusty air. "Do you know where I can find her?" She couldn't be dead, she just _couldn't_ be_._

"Nope."

* * *

"_Lose your clothes and show your scars; it's who you are."_

* * *

"Spencer…"

"Freddie, what's going on?" He opened his front door the entire way, allowing me to stumble inside.

I shoved the letter into his hands and collapsed on his couch, shaking like a madman.

When he was done reading, his mouth opened and closed but no sound came out.

And that was when I broke down.

* * *

FREDDIE POV; THE NEXT MORNING

2:37 AM, the red letters screamed at me. 2:37.

I was so tired, yet unable to fall asleep. I just continued to stare at my alarm clock, the red light leaving dots in my vision. I wasn't blinking; the numbers became so blurry that I didn't notice when they changed.

Red. The color that attacked me when I saw Sam in the hospital.

Red had filled me with rage. Now it filled me with…nothing. I was nothing. I would never be _any_thing.

"_You're not gonna fall!"_

Sam…? I shifted slightly under the covers, swiveling my head.

"_Yes I am; I'm slipping!"_

Carly?

And then I relived it.

"_Hang on; I'm coming to get you!"_

_Your heart pounds in your skull. "Sam, be careful!"_

"_THANKS FOR THE TIP!" She screams at you. Your hands are shaking._

"_Okay, momma's comin'…" you hear her say uncertainly. "I'm not scared…this is fun…"_

_Spencer is suddenly behind you. "Carly, don't let go! Sam, what are you doing!" You felt like asking the same thing a second ago._

"_JUST RELAX!" Her voice is full of fear. Something that is never there. Your chest almost explodes at the thought of losing them. Losing _her.

"_Sam…" you hear Carly whimper._

_She is inches from her friend. "Here, grab my hand!"_

"_I'm scared…"_

"_Me too; just grab it!" You start sweating profusely. If _she's_ scared, the world _has_ to be ending._

_You see pale hands grasp each other. Relief and panic race through your veins all at once._

"_Sam! You're not strong enough to pull her up!" Spencer yells into the roaring wind. Your body starts to shake. This is it. This is their end. _Her_ end._

"_REALLY?" You hear her challenge. Sam, you can't do it, you silently tell her. Sam, I'm sorry._

_And she starts to pull._

_The gleam of dedication in her eyes. The strain of her muscles under her jacket. Her blonde hair whipping around in the wind. The love she has in her eyes. The love for her friend. Her best friend. Her sister._

_And your heart swells as you see Carly next to her on the platform. You are awestruck, wondering how she mustered the strength to pull Carly up. "Okay, I'm gonna throw down a rope!" Spencer shouts._

_The rope falls down. And so does she._

_You scream her name, trying to fight against Fleck and Dave, trying to get closer to the window. She's falling…you're losing her…_

_And Carly pulls her up by the foot. She's alive; she's alive._

_Tears are threatening to break free as you pull…pull…PULL!_

_Blonde hair appears at the window. You wrap your arms around her and pull her in, almost shuddering at the sudden warmth your body receives. She's safe. She's alive._

_She's in the building but you don't want to let go. But Carly's body falls backward against the wall and Sam's does the same because the two are attached by the rope. _

_Your arms remain outstretched; you need to make sure this never happens again. You need to make sure she stays here forever._

_And then they cry and collapse in each other's arms and you realize how much Carly means to her. This may be the first time you've seen her cry._

A chill ambushed my spine and I pulled the covers over my head, hoping that sleep would put me out of my misery, erase the guilt, and correct my wrongs.

* * *

"_And I can't wait until I wake up so I can fall back asleep."_

* * *

ONE DAY LATER; FREDDIE POV

I didn't have the desire to get out of bed that day. She was gone. And _really_ gone this time.

It was all my fault.

I suppose my mother came into my room a couple times that day, but I don't remember. I was too busy staring at the wall. I wasn't counting the scratches on it; I wasn't fascinated by an uneven coat of paint. I was just blankly staring.

I don't know how much time passed from when I woke up to when I blinked and saw two trays of food on my nightstand. I looked away and resumed staring.

No music played from my PearPod speakers. No birds sang outside my window. No horns sounded from the streets below. Not that I was aware of, anyway.

I wasn't really having any coherent thoughts. The only word on my mind stayed there, haunting me and draining the life and soul out of my being.

Sam…

"_Hey, Benson!"_

_You roll your eyes and turn around. Walking backwards on your way to English, you respond with an annoyed "What, Puckett?"_

"_What are you afraid of?"_

_You're taken by surprise. "Huh?"_

"_I need to find new ways to torture you. The old stuff is getting, well, old."_

_You snort and reply, "Like I would tell you." Suddenly you fall backwards on your butt and she bursts out laughing. You look around, confused, and realize you tripped over an abandoned biology book. You get up and walk by her side, facing forward this time._

"_Killer textbooks, apparently," you joke. She tries to hold in another laugh._

"_What else?"_

"_You seriously think I'm dumb enough to give that away?"_

"_Maybe."_

_You give her a look and approach the first flight of stairs._

"_Okay, fine. You tell me something and I tell you something."_

_Your eyebrows rise in contemplation. "You first."_

_She grumbles to herself in irritation and you smirk. "Uh, trains."_

"_Trains?"_

_She shrugged. "Yeah. They can explode."_

"_Right…"_

"_Your turn," she orders._

"_Okay…gangsters." You can see her thinking about ways to torture you with that new information. She frowns suddenly. "Hmm. What else?"_

"_Nuh-uh. It's your turn."_

"_Gah! Fine. Uh, airplanes are weird."_

"_They're the safest form of travel."_

"_Shut up; I didn't ask for an encyclopedia. Now give momma something to work with."_

_You are slightly breathless from the stairs. "Um, my mom's medicine cabinet."_

_You're heart skips a beat when you see her smile evilly. You're afraid to keep playing the game but she says something else._

"_Buses in San Francisco."_

_You smirk. "So basically every form of transportation except for cars, the most dangerous way to travel?"_

_She glares at you. "Didn't I tell you to shut up?"_

_You're near your English classroom. She walks down the hallway to her next class as you open the door. You think of something else and turn around to call after her. "Yo Puckett!"_

_Her head whips around. You smirk at her. "I'm afraid of _you_."_

_She smirks back and for some reason you can't wipe the grin off your face for several minutes._

It seemed to be physically impossible to cry. I just buried my head in my pillow and prayed for the umpteenth time for a dreamless sleep.

* * *

FREDDIE POV; THE NEXT DAY

Sleep never happened. I kept reliving moments of my life; some moments were with of all three of us, many were just with Sam.

Closure didn't exist. I never got to see Carly or say goodbye. With Sam…

It was like an anti-closure. So many words were said and others left unsaid. The only solution was impossible, unless I could somehow defy all the laws of science and build a time machine.

When I received that letter, when I found out she was dead too…she took my life along with hers.

All those years I thought we were sworn enemies. All that time I spent hating her because we were two opposites forced into communication because of Carly. All of the looks and words I mistook. All of the insults I took too seriously.

We were friends all along.

"_Cuz I wanna be a pirate; that's one thing I've decided. It's the only thing that could ever intrigue me…"_

_Huh? You walk forward a few more steps and peer through the glass of the studio door. The headphones of her PearPod are shoved in her ears and her back is facing toward you. Sam's…early to rehearsal? Is she…singing?_

_Are you in an alternate universe?_

"_There's no start or end in sight and I guess I'll have to try it. Worse case I'll get swallowed by the deep blue sea…" _

_You hesitate: should you open the door or remain where you are?_

"_And I believe in miracles but there's no way that I'll ever fit in to the modern way of living; it's just not me…"_

_You slowly turn the handle and crack the door open a little, still frozen in your place. She might punch your face in if she realizes your presence._

"_But I can tell you it's a guarantee that I'll always run away from every problem or severed relationship 'cause that's who I am…"_

_Heart pounding, you close the door softly behind you and approach your tech cart._

"_I wanna be a pirate 'cause they get to be whoever they want on the deep blue sea…here I come…"_

_She stops, and you break out in a sweat when she turns around, sees you, and rips the headphones from her ears. "DUDE!"_

"_Sorry…I, um….uh…"_

_She comes over, the menacing glare you know so well never leaving her face. She shoves you and growls, "Not cool."_

_You want to defend yourself but instead blurt, "You're here early."_

"_Well don't expect it to happen again."_

_Carly comes in, finally, and asks you both if you're ready to start rehearsal._

_Sam seems to scrutinize you as she replies. You feel strange under her stare._

I woke up with a start. I moaned as I realized I couldn't even escape life in my sleep.

* * *

NORMAL POV

"Mrs. Benson? Um, come in." Spencer opened the door wider and closed it behind her.

She immediately addressed her worries. "Do you think I should take Freddie to see a psychiatrist?"

"Uh…"

"I'm beginning to think that he's clinically depressed."

While he understood how difficult it must have been for the poor kid, he just couldn't understand her logic. "Marissa, it's only been a few days."

"And he hasn't eaten since then! My Freddie bear's gone anorexic!"

"Marissa-"

"Don't call me that."

"Okay…Mrs. Benson, just give him time. Imagine how hard this must be on him. His two best friends are…" His throat closed up and he swallowed. Hard.

Her demeanor seemed to change. "Well, alright. But I'm forcing him to eat tonight."

She left Spencer alone to wallow in his self-misery. _Sam, why didn't you say goodbye?_

* * *

NORMAL POV

The fiery blonde growled in annoyance as the phone rang _again._ After she received the news about her daughter, life was a complete mess. "_WHAT_?"

"Uh, Ms. Puckett?"

"I said '_what'_!"

"This is the bank letting you know that a large amount of money was withdrawn from your daughter's account a few days ago."

"That's not possible." She rolled her eyes, irritated at the incompetence of that stupid bank.

"Well our records say that-"

"My daughter's dead." Pam angrily cut her off, struggling to keep her emotions under control.

"Oh, I'm, um, deeply sorry for your loss, Ms. Puckett. I can assure you that I'll personally look into this and figure out-"

"Tell it to someone who cares." She slammed the phone into the cradle, rubbing her eyes furiously.

* * *

NORMAL POV

Seagulls sang in the wind. Palm trees swayed from side to side and whispered chants of peace and nirvana. The shimmering waves collided into the warm sand which caressed her feet.

Was this the sick and twisted paradise she had always wanted?

Was she finally a pirate?

* * *

**I need your opinion: should I start naming the chapters or leave them as they are?**

**YOU GUYS HAVE TO KNOW HOW GRATEFUL I AM! You guys reviewed like craaaazyy (I REACHED 100!) and included some predictions/analysis of your own on the end of the last chap. I LOVE that. **

**A HUGE thanks to: 'Gerren', 'TheRockAngel', 'icecoffee18', 'alwayssmiling11', 'TotallyAwesomeSuperFan', 'Seddieforeverx3', 'hitmewithyourpunchdrunklove', 'TnxDan', 'ccQTccQT', 'Geekquality', 'ThePenIsMighty', 'PurpleSeddier', 'SeddierFTW', 'Purple xx', 'Luna 188', 'KressxBlack', 'Kaitley', 'FallingLOVEDeeper', 'Take this and kick it', and FIVE anonymous reviewers without screennames XD.**

**TO ONE OF THE ANONYMOUS REVIEWERS: Your email address didn't show up on the reviews page, so I guess I'll answer your question on here :) I don't watch torchwood (never even heard of it); I got the title from a song that I love.**

**The song Sam was singing is "The Life of a Pirate" by Cady Groves.**


	9. Chapter 9: Fate vs Free Will

"**Dismantle. Repair" by Anberlin and "Take It All Away" by Red. Both of these songs really move me; hopefully they'll do the same for you.**

**Listen and PLEASE R&R!**

* * *

NORMAL POV

HELP WANTED.

She took a deep breath and opened the door, jumping slightly when the bell sounded. The overwhelming smell of freshly baked bread and steaming pastries delighted her senses and soothed her nervousness.

"Hi, what can I get you?"

She seemed to blink out of a trance and see a salt and pepper-haired woman at the counter. Black rectangular-rimmed glasses framed her thin face and freckly complexion. Her apron was smothered with dried dough and various jellies.

"I'm here for the job offer." _Please hire me._

"You're hired."

Well _that_ was fast.

"Um, don't I need an interview or something?" _Shut up! Just take the stupid job!_

"Hun, I'm desperate. At this point, I'd hire a leopard seal."

She gave the woman a half-smile. "Okay, so what would you like me to do?"

"Our hours are from nine to five every day. You don't really get paid; I offer housing, meals, the whole deal. I live upstairs." She motioned towards some stairs in the back of the shop.

"That's really generous of you…"

"Oh." She seemed to realize something. "You probably already live somewhere, huh?"

"Actually no, I just moved here from Sea-"

She stopped short. She didn't want anyone to recognize her or know where she came from. But it was too late. "Seattle," she finished.

The woman's dark eyebrows rose. "How old are you, hun?"

_Should I lie?_ "Eighteen," she blurted before she could make up her mind.

"College?"

"No."

"Well, do you want to work here? You'd sweep floors, take orders behind the counter, call food numbers, and clean tables. Eventually I'll let you in on some of my secret recipes and get you in the kitchen."

She was confused. "Do you run this place by yourself?"

"I recently lost my husband." She looked down while furiously kneading some dough.

"Oh, I'm sorry…"

"Nah, don't worry about it. So do you want the job?"

_Should I trust this woman? She's telling me to live with her and I met her two minutes ago…_

It might be the only shot she'd get to live somewhere for free.

"Sure."

The woman suddenly rapped her knuckles against her head, leaving dough in her hair. "I forgot something pretty important, hun. I'm Mrs. Chamber, but call me Sue. Your name is?"

Her breath caught in her throat but she had an immediate response.

"Carly."

* * *

FREDDIE POV

"_I HATE you…you…you…"_

_The hurt and utter shock in her eyes._

"_You KILLED her…her…her…"_

_Her figure floating away from your reach, the same expression on her face._

"_YOUR fault…fault…fault…"_

_Gone._

_No, no…NO!_

"Fredward!" I heard someone shriek in my ear. My heart pounding, I twisted around in my bed to find my mother hovering over me. "Fredward!"

"Yeah?" I blinked multiple times and tried to keep my focus fixed on her. But images were fading in and out and I was seeing double. I felt nauseous and my head was killing me.

"Get up, sweetie. Come on, let's eat something."

I melted against the pillow once more.

"Please, Freddie?" Her worry-stricken face made me even more depressed, if that was even possible.

I was starting to close my eyes when the covers were suddenly ripped away and arms encircled my body and hoisted me up. "Mom?"

She was surprisingly strong and carried me to the kitchen and plopped me in a chair. "What are you _doing_?"

"Saving your life."

I wanted to cry, but again, it was physically impossible. "My life can't be saved."

"It _can_ be if you eat!" She placed individually wrapped broccoli stalks on a plate in front of me.

She always took things literally, which was why she would never understand what I meant or what I was going through. "Mom…"

She tore open one of the wrappings, physically opened my mouth, and shoved the broccoli in. "Now chew and swallow."

So then my mother basically force-fed me for another half-hour. I wanted to throw up afterwards.

I didn't make a move to return to my bed. I just sat there, gazing at the white plate with random broccoli leaves scattered on it. I don't know for how long I was just staring at it; time didn't really matter.

"Freddie…?" I glanced at my mother's face, noticing a tear rolling down her cheek.

My heart sunk lower. "Yeah?" I could barely keep my eyes open. I stayed in bed for basically the entire day and yet I was always so tired.

Her mouth opened, closed, and opened back up again. "Let's get you to bed."

* * *

"_It's not that I keep hanging on; I'm just never letting go."_

* * *

NORMAL POV

How could Sam have done something so selfish? How could she leave her Freddie-bear in this situation? Losing Carly was bad enough, especially since he had feelings for her. He did, right?

She took the easy way out by ending her life. How could she not realize how catastrophic this would be for Freddie?

Mrs. Benson hated Sam. That pure contempt raged in her blood, taking advantage of her weakened state. But she didn't want to stop it; Sam was already dead. Hating her wouldn't make things worse than they already were, so she did.

And it felt good.

* * *

FREDDIE POV

"Freddie?"

I recognized my mother's voice again. I didn't have to open my eyes; they were already open. I just had to snap out of the trance I always seemed to be in, which was easier said than done.

When she thought she had my attention, she began. "We're still going to visit Irvine next week. You know that, right?"

I was stunned. "You're still making me go to college?" How heartless could she be?

"Freddie, you can't let this ruin your entire life. You have a _future_ ahead of you."

I just started screaming at her. "Why should I of ALL people have a future? I don't deserve one! I ended _Sam's_ future, Mom! This is ALL my fault!"

My mother's eyes flashed and her voice lowered multiple octaves. "Don't _ever_ say that again."

I shook my head, falling against the bed once more. "You don't get it. You'll never get it."

I heard her take a loud breath and move away from the head of the bed. "You're going to college whether you want to or not. This is not your choice, Fredward Benson."

And then she was gone.

I knew she was already mad about me not wanting to go to some Ivy League school. It seemed like everyone was expecting that out of me, but I just didn't want to. I applied to the University of California at Irvine even though I hadn't visited it yet. They offered many degrees in areas that I was interested in pursuing and the city was also one of the safest in the country, so of course my mother was okay spending the money for an application.

For some reason I decided to go there and not to Yale, where I had also been accepted. It was a last minute decision, and I was still confused as to why I chose Irvine.

I thought that I could just take off a year after what happened, or maybe even skip college altogether. But my mother wasn't having any of that.

I didn't _want_ a future. I didn't _deserve_ a future. I would never amount to _any_thing.

Sam…

I don't know what came over me, but for the first time in a while, I began to sob. I just bawled my soul away until my wish for sleep was granted.

* * *

"_Lines and phrases like knives, your words can cut me through. You dismantle me."_

* * *

NORMAL POV

"…And this is where you'll be sleeping." Her eyes rested upon a small and dusty room with a single bed, a small dresser, and a mirror. "It isn't much, but…"

"No, it's perfect. Thank you." _Remember, you're living here for free. Suck it up._

Sue let out a tired sigh. "Alright, well I'll leave you to unpack your things, Carly." Her heart jumped. "We open up in about half an hour."

"Okay." Her new boss left the room. _Her_ room.

She sighed as she looked out of the only window, covered in dust and grime. She used her hand to wipe most of it away and came face to face with a view. Of the brick building a mere foot away.

The life of a pirate, huh?

* * *

FREDDIE POV; ONE WEEK LATER

I was someone who believed in free will rather than fate. The reasonable side of my brain always took over, and so that's what I thought.

You are given choices in life. You exercise free will to make decisions on those choices and that determines what happens to you in your lifetime.

But as I lugged my suitcases through the airport and took the window seat next to my mother, free will had nothing to do with it.

Fate would determine the beginning of the rest of my life.

* * *

_"Fate is not satisfied with inflicting one calamity." - Publilius Syrus_

* * *

**PLEASE review…tell me how I'm doing, if I'm living up to your expectations, what you think is going to happen, what you want to SEE happen, or any random words that come to mind :) Sorry about the awful ending…XD**

**I REALLY appreciate 'TotallyAwesomeSuperFan', 'ccQTccQT', 'Purple xx', 'Thanks a LOT', 'Sabrina-Princess of Mt Olympus', 'tiredandhungry', 'Georgia', 'Luna188', 'Geekquality', 'KressxBlack', 'alwayssmiling11', 'SeddierFTW', 'icecoffee18', 'Kaitley', 'FallingLOVEDeeper', and one anonymous reviewer.**

'**tiredandhungry' and 'Georgia' 's reviews made me laugh…thank youuu :D**

**Next chapter soon, promise. **


	10. Chapter 10: Hallucinations

**Hellooooo! Okay so I was watching Nick and the episode called 'iWas A Pageant Girl' or something and realized that Tara was an actual character on the show, with both dark hair and eyes. I did NOT mean to reuse this character for the waitress at Elle's Diner! COINCIDENCE!**

**PLEASE R&R! (I don't own iCarly) And listen to "The Reason" by Hoobastank and "Cold" by Crossfade.**

* * *

"_They say that absence makes our heart grow fonder and I know it's always worth the wait but it's lonely on the road."_

* * *

NORMAL POV

"_Sam…Sam, Sam…"_

_She whirls around, coming face to face with the last girl she wants to be confronted by. No words can escape her frozen lips._

"_What are you doing, Sam?"_

_She has to explain. She needs to let her know that this is all for her and always _will_ be about her. "I'm doing this for you, Carly…"_

"_What are you doing?" She can see her reflection in the black glass of her friend's eyes._

"_You are alive, Carly. Isn't this what you wanted?"_

"_Is this what _you_ want?"_

_She shakes her head. "We both know that doesn't matter."_

"_Sam…Sam…" her voice disintegrates into the air. Carly's image raises a nearly transparent hand and reaches toward her friend's cheek. She can't feel a thing when the brunette's hand passes through her face, not making any contact._

"_Sam…I'm not real…"_

"_I'm trying, Carly. I'm trying so hard."_

_The brunette's head tilts to the side. "Don't."_

"_I need to."_

_The black glass transforms and her eyes begin to appear. "I don't want to see you like this."_

"_Carly, it's working; don't you get it?"_

"_No. Don't throw your life away." Her eyes return to glass and her figure starts to fade away._

"_Don't leave me, please…"_

"_I'm over, Sam. You have a long way to go."_

"_No, that's not true…"_

_And then she's gone._

She woke up with a start and fell out of the narrow bed, wincing when the inside of her hand bled from trying to avoid the inevitable fall. Glancing at the clock on her phone, she decided to get up and prepare the bakery for the day's sales.

As she stepped into the shower and the frigid water attacked her skin, she knew she couldn't listen to her.

_I _will_ live for you because what I took away, I _will_ give back._

* * *

NORMAL POV

It was basically the complete _opposite_ of Seattle.

The people. The architecture. The scorching heat.

Sweat dripped from her forehead as she finished her last order. When Sue flipped the OPEN sign on the front door, she almost cheered. This job sure didn't get easier, and it was only her eighth day.

"Thanks; great work today, Carly." Her heart didn't jump this time. Instead, she felt like puffing out her chest with pride.

She nodded and gave Sue a smile. "Thank you." If her name was Carly, then so were her personality and manners.

"Why don't you take the rest of the night off and go to the beach or something? I'll clean up around here."

She hesitated. "You're sure?"

"More than anything. Go on now."

Taking off her apron, she replied, "Thanks Sue."

After about a five minute walk, she was there. It was around dinnertime so hardly anyone was on the beach. She slipped off her high-tops and let the sand massage her sore feet as she approached the sapphire waves. The sun was beginning to set and the colors amazed her with their deep hues. Orange collided into a pale but angelic yellow that melted into pink which in turn molded into a shade of purple that suddenly made her want to cry.

Smiling softly, she whispered to herself, "Do you like it, Carly?"

* * *

FREDDIE POV

Concrete, concrete, and more concrete.

"…and if you look to the right you'll see one of our science and engineering institute buildings. Here's an interesting fact," I rolled my eyes as our ditzy tour guide giggled. "Did you know that those walls over there are removable? Back in the day, computers were so large that _cranes_ had to be used to pull them in through the walls! They couldn't even fit through the front doors!"

And…more concrete.

It wasn't that I didn't like the school; I just did _not_ want to go to college. I wanted my life to be over because that was what I deserved.

My mother raised a hand and blurted out a question before she was given permission to speak. "And the safety in this area of campus…it's safe, right?"

That had to be the sixteenth time she'd asked that.

"Yes, ma'am! Irvine: one of the safest cities in the USA!" She giggled. _Again._

The tour seemed to last for hours. I numbly followed the group as more buildings and landmarks were explained, not paying attention to a single word. My mother and I then returned to the hotel room in Newport Beach. She told me that she was unbelievably tired and was going to bed right then. She closed her door and I heard snores within the next couple of minutes.

I swallowed and took out the letter. As I read it over and over again, tears fell from my eyes and landed on the paper, smudging the penned words.

_You were right. I do deserve to take Carly's place…I know you hate me…_

_Don't bother looking for me anymore…You can stop looking for me now…_

_Don't give up. This is what's best for me, _not_ you. I'm sorry._

I looked up from the paper and set my jaw. That was where she was wrong.

* * *

NORMAL POV

Another lonely evening where the sun was vanishing behind the horizon and the waves were darkening as the sky did the same. Another time she walked along the shore, allowing the water to send shivers up her spine every time it made contact with her feet.

"You like the ocean," she whispered, lifting up her chin to stare at the sky above.

After a couple seconds, she looked at the sunset again. "I know you do."

A few more minutes passed and she noticed she was walking too far; it would get dark soon. She paused for a moment, deep in thought. She looked at the sand and shook her head.

This isn't what she thought it'd be.

* * *

FREDDIE POV; ONE DAY LATER

I was driving the rental car to the beach. I wanted to see something beautiful before I ended my life.

I stopped at a red light and turned the radio on. Music immediately filled my ears.

"I'm staring at the mess I made / As you turn, you take your heart and walk away..."

I immediately turned the knob to a different station.

"Yeah, this is living but without the will / I'm backing out, I'm shutting down / You left a hole when you walked out…"

I punched the knob and the music abruptly ended, filling the car with an eerie silence. I stared at the red light ahead as if I could make it change with my mind.

"_There was a drunk driver on the road who ran a red light and collided right into them…"_

My heart pounded in my chest.

"_The girls' car flipped and rolled a few times…"_

I started to cry, leaning my forehead on the steering wheel and squeezing my eyes shut. I did this until the car behind me honked and scared the living chiz out of me. I saw that the light had turned green.

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. "Sam... I'm so sorry…"

* * *

FREDDIE POV; TEN MINUTES LATER

It was around five thirty and the sun was lowering its position in the multi-colored sky. I parked the car and got out. I left my shoes inside and my toes explored the grains of sand glistening in the fading sunlight.

A few people were tossing Frisbees here and there, but the population of the beach was scarce. I liked it better that way.

I walked along the shore for a minute or so and passed by a girl in a green T-shirt staring at the ocean. She was humming to herself.

At first I didn't recognize the voice and kept walking. But a few steps later, every single bell in my brain was going off. I backtracked a few steps and watched her for a moment.

Wavy, auburn hair. I didn't know anybody with this combination. Wendy had auburn hair, but it was straight.

Then why did…

She suddenly grunted and turned around.

_What the…_

* * *

NORMAL POV

Another day after work.

Another day of walking on the shore.

Her green T-shirt rippled in the wind and the auburn hair swirled around her face. Everything was so peaceful and serene…and yet it wasn't perfect.

Maybe this plan wasn't working out the way it should have been. Maybe she could've done something different. Maybe she shouldn't have left.

But she wasn't going back, _that_ was for sure.

As she gazed at the horizon, she began to hum random songs that came to mind. She knew that she was only trying to hypnotize herself in some twisted way. A way to convince herself that this situation she was stuck in wasn't so bad. It was for the best.

A tingling sensation began in her right leg. She groaned and rolled her eyes when she recognized it. _Not again…_

She awkwardly shifted her balance onto her left foot and turned around to head back to the bakery.

Her eyes landed on him a few feet away and she halted in her tracks. No thoughts and a million thoughts raced through her mind at the same time. She couldn't speak. This was just like a couple weeks ago.

Except this time she couldn't run.

* * *

**Anyone smell a cliffy? [I'm so evil ):D] You have no idea how much I hate doing this to people, but more reviews = faster update. They keep me motivated and many times give me AMAZING ideas. A few reviews from the last chapter gave me HUGE ideas for the one you just read (no joke). The radio songs were "Mess I Made" by Parachute and "Exit Wounds" by The Script.**

*****Now you know where I got the title of the story from! I was originally going to name it 'Mess I Made' but…didn't.*****

**PLEASE let me know if I made any grammatical mistakes…**

**Sorry if this chapter was kinda bad; for some reason my depression was just awful this past week.**

**Newport Beach, CA is my favorite vacation spot…which is why I chose there for a setting. **

"**THANK YOU I LOVE YOU" TO: 'TheRockAngel', 'TotallyAwesomeSuperFan', 'Kpfan72491', 'mekaylawrotethis', 'KressxBlack', 'Purple xx', 'Georgia' (x2), 'Geekquality', 'mamaluvsangst', 'SeddierFTW', 'FallingLOVEDeeper', 'icecoffee18', 'James Austin Valient', 'alwayssmiling11', 'ccQTccQT', 'Anon075', 'Rasivel', 'RevealTheBeast', 'Luna188', and 'Kaitley'. **


	11. Chapter 11: Ironic Reconciliation

**This is finals weekend (STRESS!) but I felt like I owed you guys another chapter. And I wanted to procrastinate from studying. :/ I don't own iCarly.**

**Oh, and a lot of people mentioned that the beginning scene of the last chapter was creepy. Sorry. XD**

**Listen to "Ever the Same" by Rob Thomas and "Black Balloon" by Goo Goo Dolls.**

* * *

SAM POV

Have you ever been in a situation when you felt like time stopped?

Well, this was similar to that. Except in my case, time froze.

The blood in my veins ran cold, almost making me shiver in the sweltering late June heat. He didn't recognize me, did he? I was dead. There was no _way…_

_How did this even _happen_? Why is he _here? _How did he _find _me?_

Hundreds of thoughts flooded my brain in a matter of a few seconds. After just standing there like a complete idiot, my mouth opened.

"Excuse me," I half-whispered, altering the tone of my voice. Pretending to be someone else. Trying to walk away from the situation without any damages done.

I stepped to the side and almost immediately my other leg acquired that sensation of a million needles being stuck into it. I bit my lip and was about to suck it up and take another step when…

"Wait."

* * *

FREDDIE POV

This had to be a dream, right?

Or maybe it was another hallucination. I wanted to believe that she was there. I wanted to believe that she was still alive. Maybe the only way I could cope with her loss was through delusions of my vulnerable mind.

We both just stood there staring at each other for a few timeless seconds. I knew that she was only a figment of my imagination. Or maybe she was another Tara but with auburn hair whose face I molded to look like Sam's. If the latter was the case, I didn't want to seem like a psychopath and continue gaping at her.

But she beat me to words. "Excuse me." She started to sidestep me and take a clumsy stride on the wet sand. Maybe this _was_ just another Tara. Obviously this girl was trying to escape the awkwardness that was born when I continued to stare at her.

But when the wind blew a lock of her hair back as she took that first step, my heart exploded.

"Wait."

The girl froze, as did time. Her shoulders tensed and her fingers curled into fists. She didn't turn back around to face me but I knew that I saw what I saw. I approached her slowly and deliberately, pausing when I was in front of her.

I ever so calmly reached a hand out and up to her right cheekbone. When I softly tucked her hair behind her ear, I almost had another heart attack.

A thin scar from the side of her forehead to the top right edge of her eyebrow.

* * *

"_I wanted to see something beautiful before I died…"_

* * *

SAM POV

As he started to lift his hand up to my face, I knew it was over. His knuckles lightly bumped against my cheek and I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to see his face when he realized that I had betrayed him. Abandoned him. Deceived him and made his life even more desolate just so that I could get away from my own problems. I didn't want to see his life fall apart again.

After a few seconds of waiting in the dark, nothing was happening. I didn't want to open my eyes; I really didn't. But no progress was being made and I was starting to get antsy. The feeling or lack of it in my legs was getting worse and I felt myself start to lose my balance. Had he figured it out yet?

I felt soft fingers skip across my skin, tracing the line where the scar was. The scar that exposed my identity.

_The first impact sending the right shoulder into the window. Shattering glass…The forehead smashing against the dashboard…more shattering glass…_

I almost shivered under his touch and couldn't stop a lone tear from slipping down my face. I hesitantly opened my eyes when I felt a thumb wipe it away.

I prepared myself for the explosion. I braced myself for the yelling, the screams demanding a reason for my departure. The pain I had caused them all. The accusations that blamed me for the annihilation of a family. Two families. Many families.

It was like looking at the timer of a bomb. Frozen in place, not knowing how to diffuse it. Watching in horror as the red numbers merge into each other. Four…three…two…one…

Silence.

And when you realize that you aren't dead yet, terror remains but a sliver of relief infiltrates your body. The bomb…is broken?

The explosion never happened. I waited for him to move. To speak. To do something. _Anything._

_Sam?_ his eyes questioned.

_I'm sorry; it was stupid and reckless and I made everyone go through so much and-_

His right hand suddenly grabbed the back of my head and the other wrapped around my back, making me collide into his chest. Sudden warmth spiraled throughout my body and raced through my legs, causing the needlelike sensation to turn into fuzzy and numb nerve cells.

I felt him shudder and heard a sniffle. I buried my face in his neck, trying to apologize without words. I had no idea what was going on in his head.

I sensed a sudden pressure on my left foot and before I knew it, I was tumbling backwards and crashing into the shallow ocean water with him practically falling on top of me. A little water got into my nose and I had a brief coughing fit.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" His concerned tone made my heart soar into my throat, making it difficult to breathe.

I managed a soft smile and responded, "No, um, my legs just fell asleep."

A wave surrounded us with frothy water, soaking our clothes, as his mouth eased into a smile and he enveloped me in his arms again.

* * *

FREDDIE POV

"And then I just thought that everything would work out for the better…I'm sorry. It was stupid."

I shook my head and risked a glance at her before I returned my eyes to the road. "You had every right."

She looked at me in disbelief. "Even faking my own death?"

"After what I said to you? Definitely."

She got quiet and my mood dropped when I understood her silence. "Look, when I said those things…I didn't really mean them. Well, obviously I was upset and…"

_Stop, you idiot! You're making it worse!_

I cleared my throat and tried again. "I, just, wasn't me. It's complicated, I guess. I don't know…"

_Yeah, and that was SO much better._

Her silence prevailed. I felt like crying all over again when I realized that it would take a lot of time and patience before she trusted me again.

* * *

SAM POV

It suddenly hit me. "I can't go back…" I whispered to myself, becoming fascinated with the folded hands in my lap.

"Huh?"

I took a deep breath. "I…can't go back."

"What!" His head whipped sideways to look at me in shock and disbelief.

"I got a- -FREDDIE!"

He turned back to the road just in time and slammed on the brakes, screeching to a halt in front of the red light. My heart was exploding in my chest and my hand was white from gripping the arm rest.

After a few seconds, I heard his shaky voice. "S-sorry."

When the light turned green again, he checked both ways three times before creeping through the intersection. A thick muteness encompassed the car for the entire ride.

* * *

FREDDIE POV

I pulled into the hotel parking lot and turned the car off, taking the key out of the ignition.

"What do you mean you can't go back?" I asked after many noiseless seconds, not knowing if I wanted to hear the answer.

She looked away. "I got a job. And my boss…she needs me."

"_I_ need you, Sam. Spencer needs you. Melanie needs you. You're _mother_ needs you."

"I know," she murmured.

We sat there in silence for another minute. "Come on, let's go inside." I got out of the car and went over to the passenger side. She was still sitting there.

I opened her door. "What's wrong?"

"Is your mom in there?"

I was perplexed. "Yeah, why?"

She shook her head. "She hates me."

"What on earth makes you think that?"

She looks at me. "Because I left."

I had a sinking feeling that she was right but didn't show it. "C'mon, Sam." I held out a hand.

She glanced at it and ignored it, slowly getting out of the car and shutting the door. When she turned around, I was right in front of her and she looked up at me.

I tried to communicate with silence. I hadn't looked into her blue eyes for so long and her new hair left me in confusion and low spirits. There were so many things I wanted to say and not enough words to say them.

After a moment she looked away and followed me through the hotel as I led her to our room.

* * *

SAM POV

It was a lot more than just Sue. I needed to live for someone else too.

* * *

NORMAL POV

Where _was_ he?

She paced around the room like a madwoman, biting away at her nails and wondering where her Freddie-Bear could be. He never snuck out like this.

She heard the room key jiggle in the lock and her heart soared. The door opened and she let out a sigh of relief when she saw her son. "Fredward! Where have you _been_? I was so worried…!"

She stopped when a girl with auburn hair entered behind him. Who was _this?_

Her voice hardened. "And you are?"

After a moment, she recognized the facial structure and blocked out the unfamiliar shade of hair. _This…this isn't possible…_

A red tint permeated everything in her vision and her hands trembled with rage. She growled her next word.

"_You."_

* * *

**YAY! ****SAM POV**** is back! Oh Mrs. Benson, calm down before you do something stupid… **

**I had a lot of fun writing this chap ;D. But let me know if there are any grammar issues.**

**I hope you all understood the scar thing and where the quote in italics after the first FREDDIE POV came from. Let me know if you don't.**

**I cannot stress how eternally grateful I am! THANK YOU 'KressxBlack', 'Geekquality', 'TheRockAngel', 'TotallyAwesomeSuperFan', 'SeddierFTW', 'hartful13', 'Kaitley', 'Allybooklover6677', 'veeheart914', 'FallingLOVEDeeper', 'Georgia', 'Kpfan72491', 'deviocity', 'alwayssmiling11', 'mamaluvsangst', 'planes oceans and symphonies', 'Anon075', 'Luna188', and an anonymous reviewer. You guys are what keeps this story going.**

'**Georgia' - Your reviews continue to make me laugh…thanks for the compliments!**

'**Kaitley' - You're so nice, thanks for saying how much you like my story all the time :)**


	12. Chapter 12: Forsaken Escapes

**Yo peeps. SCHOOL IS OVA! **

**Chapter 12 for all you awesome people. Listen to "Last Dance" by Camera Can't Lie and "Closer to the Edge" by 30 Seconds to Mars. These two bands are just AMAZING.**

* * *

FREDDIE POV

I was stunned by her reaction. "Mom?"

"_You,"_ I heard her snarl again. "You made my son's life _miserable_."

I didn't like where this was going.

She approached us with slow, deliberate steps, the menacing glare never escaping her eyes. I immediately moved in front of Sam so that she was shielded from the beast that was my mother.

"Mom, stop."

"He wouldn't _eat_, he couldn't _sleep_…"

"Stop!"

"He wouldn't even get out of _bed_-"

"MOM!" I grabbed Sam by the arm and pulled her into my room of the suite. She was silent.

"Just…just stay in here for a sec, okay?" She wouldn't look at me so I touched a hand to her shoulder. "Sam?" When she didn't respond or make eye contact with me, I spoke up again. "Everything's going to be fine. Trust me."

I raced out of the room, shutting the door behind me. Tossing the rental car keys on the small coffee table near the small TV in the entrance room, I dragged my mother into her room and slammed the door shut.

"Are you KIDDING me?"

"Watch your tone, Fredward!"

I was so angry that I was shaking. "No, _YOU_ watch it! I finally get her back and THIS is how you treat her?"

"How _dare_ you talk to me like that!"

"I can do whatever I _want_!"

She scoffed and folded her arms across her chest. "It's not like what I said isn't true! She _deserves_ to be punished. She almost ruined your future!"

I shook my head at her in disbelief. "I don't know you anymore."

Her mouth dropped open and she just stood there looking like a dead fish for a few seconds. Then she came back to life and sputtered out unintelligible words that meant nothing.

I then heard a faint click. I froze as all of my senses went on red alert. _No…_

I burst out of my mother's room and raced across the suite to mine. Swinging open the door, I yelled her name. "SAM?"

She wasn't there.

I spun around on my heel and darted out of the room. I jumped around in place and tugged at my hair for a while before I noticed the lack of shiny metal on the coffee table.

_NO!_

I sprinted out of the suite, abandoning my still stuttering mother, and took less than a moment to decide elevator or stairs. I practically twisted my ankle on the last flight and swore.

I did my best to ignore the searing pain in my leg and raced out of the hotel lobby and toward the back parking lot, watching with horror as the rental car backed out of its spot.

Without realizing what I was doing, I sprinted in front of the car as she shifted to Drive and flung both hands on the hood.

Her eyes widened to the size of watermelons as she slammed on the brakes. "ARE YOU _CRAZY_?"

I breathed hard for a moment, realizing what could have happened. "Are _you_?" I screamed back. I approached the driver-side window, leaving my left hand on the car the entire time. Lowering the sound of my voice, I asked her the question while slightly shaking my head.

"What are you doing, Sam?"

She opened her mouth to respond and closed it again, rethinking her response. "It's not like _that_; I was going to come back, you know…"

I gave her a look.

She groaned and covered her eyes with her right hand. She gestured with her other hand when she continued, "Just get in the car."

I went around to the other side and shut the door behind me, making sure that my seatbelt was fastened tight around my waist. "Where are you going?"

She gripped the wheel and stared straight ahead. "There are some things that I need to take care of."

* * *

SAM POV

I wasn't _actually_ going to run away again. Right?

I still don't know. I just heard them screaming at each other and had to get out of there. So I grabbed the keys, took the elevator, ran into the parking lot, and drove away. That is, until Freddie practically _killed_ himself.

We'd been driving for a while in silence until he spoke up. "Don't listen to her."

My eyes remained on the road. "Whatever."

"Sam, I'm serious."

"So am I," was my immediate response. I didn't let any emotion cloud my face.

I heard him sigh and after a while he spoke again. "Where are we going?"

"Look, we're here, alright? Stop talking." I parallel parked on the street and opened the car door after turning off the ignition. He unbuckled his seat belt and started to get out of the car when I stopped him. "Stay here."

He gave me a look. "You're kidding, right?"

"No…stay in the car." I folded my arms across my chest and squinted at him in the dim light that remained after the sun disappeared behind the ocean.

He made a move to open the door so I darted around the front of the car to stop him. "Stay in the car!"

I was trying to close the half-open door as he resisted, trying to push it open more so he could get out. "And have you run off again? I don't think so."

I scoffed. "Freddie, where am I gonna run? Down the street?"

His eyes collided with mine. "You did last time."

My heart dropped and I looked away. "Well, you're sitting right here. It's not like I'll get very far."

"You did last time," he repeated.

I just stared at him in silence while keeping a firm hold on the door so he continued. "Nine hundred and ninety miles too far."

My eyebrows rose. "You looked up the number of miles?"

"My mom did. She wanted to know how far away I'd be at college."

I froze for a moment. "Where?"

"Irvine."

"Oh." I didn't know what else to say; I was in shock. For some reason I thought that he'd stay in Seattle after...everything.

We were still kind of battling over control of the car door. I found my voice again after a few more seconds of struggling. "So that's why you're here."

He gave me a small smile. "No, I just somehow knew you weren't dead and came to this exact city to look for you."

I smiled a little in return. "Wouldn't _that_ be something."

Silence reined between us for a few extra seconds until I sighed and gave in, letting the door swing out with a loud _woosh_. He tumbled out of the car and on the ground, unprepared for that maneuver.

I snorted and mumbled to myself, "Same old Fredward."

* * *

FREDDIE POV

I followed her so closely that I was almost stepping on her heels. I wasn't about to let her out of my sight again.

As Sam approached the door of a building, she suddenly halted and spun around. I took a few steps back when I saw the seriousness of the look on her face. Holding a finger up, she talked with slow and distinct words. "Now if you say _one_ word in there, I promise to personally punch your face in. Not one 'hi' or 'huh'. Got it?" I nodded, staring at her with wide eyes.

What was up with _that_?

She led me into a bakery that smelled so good that my stomach instantly rumbled. I couldn't help but sniff in the scent of chocolate pastries and sigh. "Mmm…"

In an instant, Sam whirled around and gave me a glare that could've seared right through my skin if that's what she wanted. "What. Did. I. Just. Say."

"I-"

"Hey!"

I nodded meekly and motioned her to walk further into the shop.

Suddenly a woman with dough in her hair and all over her clothes emerged from the bakery's kitchen. "Hey, you're back! I was starting to get worried…" She seemed to notice my presence. "Who's this?"

I opened my mouth to answer but slammed it shut at the last second.

"This is Freddie," Sam verbalized for me. "A…friend." My heart instantly warmed when she said the last word.

The woman got a rag and started cleaning the counter. "Well he looks starving. What would you like, hun? It's on the house."

"He's not hungry," Sam interjected. "Um, Sue? Can we talk for a minute?"

"Sure, Carly. Just let me finish up here…"

Any fantasy about a jelly-filled doughnut melting on my tastebuds was immediately destroyed.

Wait. _What?_

* * *

**R&R! Tell me what you want to see next, how I'm doing with the story, or just rant about how excited you are for the CROSSOVER and/or iOMG PART TWO! WOO! Oh, I don't own iCarly.**

**Or maybe someone can explain the whole concept of black licorice to me. It just doesn't make any sense. That stuff is VILE.**

****Look out for another S&F oneshot within a week or so. ****

**I received so many compliments this past week! Gah I'm so grateful! A HUGE thanks to 'TheRockAngel', 'TotallyAwesomeSuperFan', 'Nameria', 'Georgia', 'SeddierFTW', 'Anon075', 'Geekquality', 'ccQTccQT', 'Surf', 'Kpfan72491', 'jhuikmn08' (x7), 'icecoffee18', and 'Music Addict Chick'.**

'**Surf' - aw, thank you!**

'**Georgia' - you should! thanks! and you continue to make me laugh… :)**


	13. Chapter 13: Pendulum

**THE iLOST MY MIND PROMO! AHH! I MUST BE GEORGE LOPEZ B/C I CAN'T BREATHE!**

**I'm SO sorry about the one-shot that never got posted. It needs a LOT of work and I'd like to tell you guys to expect it in June, but anything can happen. I don't own iCarly.**

**Listen to "Illuminated" by HURTS and "Just A Little Girl" by Trading Yesterday. These two songs are the definition of beautiful.**

* * *

FREDDIE POV

"Huh?" I blurted before I could slap a hand over my mouth.

I saw Sam stiffen, but she didn't spin around and give me one of her infamous death glares. She just calmly led the woman upstairs without looking at me.

That scared me even more.

* * *

SAM POV

I brought Sue into my small room and closed the door. "Um…Sue?" _Perfect start_, I thought sarcastically.

"What's up?" She sat on the edge of my bed so I joined her.

"I'm really sorry…uh…" Hmm. This seemed to be harder than I'd thought it would be.

"You're quitting, aren't you?"

Oh. Well then.

I smiled wryly. "How'd you guess?"

She shrugged and grinned back. "Instinct."

"I know I'm giving you, like, _no_ warning and all…but…"

"I understand, hun."

How could she understand when she had no idea what I was going through? "It's just that…there are some things back home that I need to take care of."

"Don't worry about it, Carly. Honestly."

I bit my lip and decided not to tell her.

"I can find another employee," she continued, rubbing my shoulder. "Go home, sweetie."

"You don't need me for a few days while you find a replacement?"

"Nah, I'll be fine." She got up. "Well, you better see your friend downstairs; it's like he was attached to your hip or something a minute ago."

I smiled to myself. "Yeah, I guess he was."

* * *

FREDDIE POV

Sue came downstairs after a couple minutes without Sam. Panic immediately caught in my throat.

"Where's Sam?"

Her eyebrows scrunched together. "Who?"

Uh-oh. "I mean, uh, Carly."

"Oh, she's upstairs packing."

Packing?

She took one look at my concerned face and chuckled. "Don't worry, she'll be down in a minute. How about some coconut crème pie to go?"

My mouth was instantly on fire. "You make that?"

"Sure do. Want some?"

"You bet!"

She cut a slice, put it in a paper bag, and gave it to me while Sam emerged from upstairs carrying a backpack. "Let's go, Benson." She hesitated, then gave Sue a brief hug and whispered something in her ear.

Sue gave her a smile and replied, "Don't mention it."

* * *

FREDDIE POV; TWO MINUTES LATER

Sam tossed me the keys and collapsed into the passenger seat. When I got in the car, I immediately grilled her.

"So how long have you been working here, _Carly_?"

Instead of glaring at me like she normally would've, her face was full of guilt and embarrassment. "Look, I really don't want to talk about it. Just drive."

"Not until you-"

"No."

"Sam-"

"No."

I sighed. "Let's trade. A slice of coconut crème pie for your secret."

She looked interested for a brief moment, but that moment disappeared. "Not now."

"You? Turning down food?"

"Freddie, please?" I was stunned by her protocol. "I'm tired. Shut up and drive."

And the civility was gone.

She turned over on her side, facing the window. I started the car and pulled out of the spot. A few minutes later, I heard soft snores from the passenger seat and smiled softly.

It was good to have her back.

* * *

FREDDIE POV; FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER

I turned into the hotel parking lot, not quite ready to face my mother yet. "Sam?" I asked softly. "You awake?"

_Snore._ Guess not.

I sighed as I realized she'd probably kill me later for doing what I was about to do. Maybe I'd bribe her with the pie to keep my face looking the way it did.

I got out of the car, opened her door, and unbuckled her seatbelt. I made sure not to wake her up, because if she did, I was in some serious chiz.

"Alright, Sam," I whispered. "Since you won't do this the easy way, here we go."

I moved forward and her head lightly bumped against my chest as I snaked my right arm under her knees and my left around her lower back. With a low grunt I hoisted her up and her narrow frame was instantly swallowed up in my arms. She was lighter than I had expected. For a girl so strong, she was so small.

The stairs were obviously out of the question, so I maneuvered my body in a certain way so that I could nudge the up button for the elevator and twist the knob to the suite once I found the room key buried deep in my pocket. Although she wasn't too heavy, my arms were getting numb as I gently placed her on my bed and draped a blanket over her figure.

I sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb her, and fiddled with a lock of her auburn hair. It was like touching plastic; my fingers tingled from its feel. The superficiality and numbing sensation traveled up my arm, snaked around my shoulder, and pierced through my heart. Its auburn venom swallowed the blue of my blood and the result was a dirty brown mess. Even when I let go of the strand, I could still feel the tingle.

So I leaned in towards Sam's face, examined her features, and whispered.

"I like you better blonde."

* * *

SAM POV

"_Sammm…Sa-am…Sam…!" Her figure materialized but she was transparent._

_I'm going home, Carly. I'm going home._

_The black glass molded into scarlet. "How could you do this to me…?"_

_Huh?_

_Fury was now painted in the scarlet. "You're letting me die…again…"_

_No, no. You told me to leave._

"_You took my life…why aren't you giving it back…?" Her outline slowly began to fade._

_But you said-_

"_You should have known better…I was alive…alive…" Emerald specks appeared momentarily in her scarlet eyes but vanished as quickly as they had come. Dark cerulean splotches now invaded the scarlet glass._

_But I have to go back-_

"_Just because you've been found…? How could you…? You promised me…!" A shard of cerulean glass shattered from her eye and shuddered down her transparent cheek._

_I'm sor-_

"_Don't apologize…look at what you've done…" The glass was entirely cerulean now._

_Please-_

_But she was already half gone. "I hate you…" _

_No words could escape the blonde's lips._

"_I hate you…I hate…you…I…hate…you…" With every word, her glass eyes pulverized and her companion's heart imploded._

_And then she was gone._

I gasped awake to blackness and couldn't slow my breathing until I found a switch that flooded the room with rays of illumination. Where _was_ I?

Sue. Car. Freddie.

Hmm, the hotel room. Freddie's room? Where _was_ he?

I creaked open the door and tiptoed into the blackness that was shattered by the light from my, well, Freddie's room. I glanced at the couch a few feet away from the TV and there he was, sprawled on the couch in a position that I knew couldn't be comfortable. I might have laughed if Carly's glass eyes weren't haunting my vision.

And then, like something that would happen in some cliché movie, he stirred and his eyes cracked open and landed on me. He gave me a small smile. "Hey." Then he awkwardly sat up and I swear I heard his neck, back, and hip crack at the same time. He stretched and rolled his shoulders while muttering, "I'm never sleeping like _that_ again…"

Again, I might have laughed if I didn't hear a whisper behind me, inches from my ear.

"_I told you that you were amazing, and _this_ is how you're going to repay me?"_

I whirled around, immediately recognizing her voice.

No one was there.

"You okay?" I must have looked strange as I tried to catch my breath while staring at blackness destroyed by random beams of light.

I didn't say a word when I turned back around. I just nodded.

"I'm not falling for that." He stood up and approached me, my eyes never detaching themselves from his outline. "What's wrong?"

How could I go back? How could I betray Carly like that? His eyes made me want to return to the life I left behind, but hers had guilt chasing me, seizing me, and dragging me down by the ankle. I couldn't return to my life by abandoning hers.

And now I had to make that decision in less than a second.

* * *

**20 reviews? I know I'm asking too much and I hate doing that. But I'm losing motivation lately and it scares me. Oh, and some of you've been asking when I'll post stuff…dates are on my profile.**

**I had so much fun creating the dream scene! Ah, you have no idea how much I love that style of writing. And yes, I HAD to include a Freddie-carrying-Sam scene. Classic/sappy but necessary. :D**

**Man. I LOVE you people. 'TheRockAngel', 'TeenageVampyre' (x2), 'Purple xx', 'alwayssmiling11' (x2), '', 'ccQTccQT', 'Surf', 'Geekquality', 'Kpfan72491', 'TotallyAwesomeSuperFan', 'SeddierFTW', 'Luna188' (x2), and 'mamaluvsangst'. You guys honestly own the world.**

'**Surf' - haha, I include all my reviewers. thanks for…being awesome I guess :)**


	14. Chapter 14: And Then

**Okay. ! You're all totally amazing. Wow, I say that a lot. But I mean it :) Thanks for letting me reach 200!**

**PLEASE READ****: If you checked my profile, then you saw that I'm going to be working on yet ANOTHER S&F Multi-Chap. And you're probably thinking…so are we going to SEE any of this stuff you're supposedly working on in THIS lifetime? **

**Well, I'm sorry; I couldn't help myself. This idea is SO good that I HAVE to see it through one day. So maybe "Delirium" and my Jade&Beck Multi-Chap will be pushed aside for now. Sorry… :/**

**Listen to "21 Guns" by Green Day and "Breathe Me" by Sia and PLEASE R&R!**

* * *

SAM POV

With a billion thoughts swarming in my mind, my mouth was physically incapable of doing anything.

But the next thing I heard was, "Nuh-uh. You're coming back." My head snapped up to look at his raised eyebrows and stubborn expression. _How did he…?_

I found myself following the random shapes of casted light on his dark face with my eyes and becoming fascinated with how they changed when he continued, "It's not your choice."

I was silent for a few more seconds. I could've screamed at him. I could've broken down and admitted how haunting it was to have the weight of Carly's life on my shoulders. I could've thrown a couple punches. I could've even tried to run again. But _how_ did I respond?

"You mentioned pie earlier."

After a moment of some serious tension, he smirked and jerked his head to the right. "In the mini-fridge over there."

I wasn't very hungry, the dream having stolen my appetite, but I made my way to the small white fridge anyway. And there it was in all its glory, a whopping slice of coconut crème pie.

I grabbed it and plopped down on a stool next to the counter. He dragged another stool next to me as I took my first bite and sat down.

"Good?"

I avoided his gaze and shrugged. The silence that followed devoured my flesh and seeped into my brain, resulting in a headache, so I broke it. I never meant to say what I did, but I had to spit out _some_thing.

"You remember what I said to her?"

He was silent for a while, probably trying to figure out what on earth I was talking about. "Uh…"

"I said I told her so."

Another lapse of silence reigned the night. And then, "Oh."

My gaze remained fixed on the partially-eaten pie in front of me. "And you were mad at me."

Silence.

"And then she cried."

The quiet lasted for an infinitesimally shorter period than the previous pauses. "But you can't assume she cried because of what you said."

For an instant I believed him but that acceptance, that trust, vanished immediately. "I'm not stupid. Or ignorant."

"But-"

"And then you went to beat Stephen up." _As if you could…_I thought to myself.

Silence.

I felt like someone else trapped inside of my body when I uttered the next sentence. "Now do you get it?" I swallowed hard and inspected the dessert in front of me. "Why I'm sorry?"

When I felt a slightly cold and calloused hand on my forearm, heat invaded my face. "You know I loved Carly." After a moment of hesitation, his hand returned to where it had come from but the flush in my face prevailed. "Just…not in that way."

I didn't respond. What was I supposed to say? That I didn't believe him?

Suddenly he laughed softly and spoke again. "Remember when you had a rap battle against that puppet?"

I half-smiled but still wouldn't meet his eyes, although I could feel them trained on my face. "Yeah."

"You were pretty awesome."

I snorted and tried to rhyme in reply. "Improv and luck only made me _look_ like a rap queen / but if you say so, I'd have to agree."

I saw him smile out of the corner of my eye. "Although you're here, you could've disappeared to Paris or Rome / Now won't you take a chance and come back home?"

That was when I took that chance and met his gaze. Something about the hopeful expression on his face made me grin and look down for a brief second. "By the look on my face you probably can guess / but if you're blinded by the dark, then my answer is yes."

We then proceeded to smirk and laugh at each other like idiots.

* * *

FREDDIE POV

Sam grabbed a T-shirt and shorts from her backpack, changed, and insisted on sleeping on the couch while I returned to my bed because she wasn't, and I quote, "a prissy buttercup".

I don't know if it was the fact that my back was still totally screwed up from the couch or that I still couldn't believe that Sam was alive and mere feet away, but I couldn't fall back asleep. I just kept replaying our conversations and everything that happened in California back in my mind; over and over and over…

"_I said I told her so…and you were mad…and then she cried…now do you get…why I'm sorry?"_

I thought I did. But maybe I didn't.

"Carly? What are you doing here?" a muffled voice materialized.

_Huh?_ I quietly got out of my bed and crept to the door, placing my ear against it.

"Leave me alone…"

At first, I was blinded by stupidity and thought she was talking to me because she heard my approach. And then she spoke again.

"I didn't mean to! Please, stop!"

_She must be talking in her sleep_. So I quietly opened the door and my eyes found her dark figure on the couch. The sparse light of dawn seeped through the two windows in the room, providing me with a little illumination, but not much.

"No, you don't understand-"

Then Sam seemed to make a hiccup sound, as if she was being interrupted.

"No, no; get away from me!" It looked as though she was pushing herself into the back of the couch, trying to shrink away from something I couldn't see.

Her arms suddenly flung out in front of her and she cried out. "You're hurting me!"

I was shocked to recognize the choke in her voice and took a few more quick steps toward her shaking body.

"I tried! I did everything I possibly could…!" She seemed to wrestle with thin air and then hide her arms under her body. I advanced closer.

"Stop it! Go away!" I froze.

"Your eyes…!" she gasped out. "I'm sorry…" And then she was silent, but still trembling. _It must be awful to have dreams like that…_

I waited a moment and ventured closer, noticing dried tears on her cheeks. I almost fell over backwards.

Her eyes were open.

* * *

SAM POV

I blinked and Carly disappeared with Freddie in her place.

I sat up a little on the couch. "You…made her…where'd she go?"

"Sam…"

"It was _you_…!" I softly exclaimed, more to myself than to him.

"Huh?"

"_You_ were saying all those things? B-but I thought…" I struggled to keep from breaking down.

"Sam…it's okay, just calm down-"

"But you said…and it w-wasn't my…you _lied_ to me!" I pushed myself up, keeping my distance.

"What are you talking about?" He took a step closer and I took a step back. "Sam, tell me."

"N-no, you have to believe me!" I put my hand on my chest for emphasis. "It wasn't my fault!"

He looked hopelessly confused. "I…I know that…" He kept approaching me and I kept shrinking away.

"But you j-just said that…i-it was…"

"No, no…" he replied, shaking his head. "I would never do that."

"If it w-wasn't you…" I held the sides of my head with my sweaty palms and yanked at my hair. "B-but she's dead…" I felt like crying. I had no idea what was going on.

I was too busy trying to process what was happening that I didn't notice Freddie peel my hands from my hair and sit me back down on the couch. "Sssh…just go back to sleep." I shivered as I laid back down, but not from the cold.

I let my eyes close and utter exhaustion take control. I drifted off as I felt a hand thread through the locks of my auburn hair.

"_Go to sleeeeeeppp…."_

* * *

"_If the human heart desperately wants something to be true, does the human mind have the power to make it true?"_

* * *

FREDDIE POV

And then I watched her sleep for four hours.

Call me creepy or a stalker. But after what I'd just seen, I don't think I could've left her alone anyway out of fear she would wake up and…experience whatever that whole episode was again.

I heard a door behind me open and I turned my head, only to immediately squeeze my eyes shut. _Not now…_

"Here." I felt something drop in my lap and hesitantly opened my eyes. "It's a ticket. They happened to have another seat open." A slight pause. "Start packing; we leave in a couple hours." The door closed.

I inspected the sheet of paper. American Airlines. Orange County to Seattle. July 22nd. 2:15 PM departure time. Samantha Puckett. Born: April 17th, 1994. Seat 18D.

I closed my eyes and sighed. _Thank you, Mom._

And then…

* * *

**Okay, here's what I'm going to do. I'm letting laziness and writer's block get the best of me as you can tell. I'll force myself to update ****two days**** after I get 20 reviews. It's the cure! Thanks for the 20+ reviews I got last week! I was reeeeally happy, to say the very least =]**

**And I WON'T keep asking for a specific # of reviews in the future. Sorry if I'm bugging any of you… **

**Thank youuuuuu to 'TheRockAngel', 'mamaluvsangst', 'TotallyAwesomeSuperFan', 'Luna188', 'Anon075', 'alwayssmiling11', 'Cati', 'justshine09', 'Allybooklover6677', 'icecoffee18', 'Kpfan72491', 'ennaj60', 'lucywatson', 'Pleaseeee', 'ThereWillBeSeddie' (x2), 'Kaitley', 'AlexisTheCrazyBookFanatic, 'ccchat8, 'Purple xx, 'SeddierFTW, 'veeheart914, 'Geekquality', and 'TeenageVampyre'. I wish I could give you all cookies.**

'**Cati' - wow, thanks!**

'**Pleaseeee' - haha, that made me laugh. thank you :)**

'**Kaitley' - you're back! no problem, I definitely know the feeling. thank you! :)**


	15. Chapter 15: Lift Off

**So I was supposed to post tomorrow but I realized I'll be out of the house all day. Better early than late, right?**

**Pwetty pweeeease listen to "The Adventure" by Angels&Airwaves and "Plane Crash Dreams" by Josh Farro and Hayley Williams. I don't own iCarly. If I did, I wouldn't be writing this story; I'd be making it happen on the show. Sorry Carly… :/**

* * *

FREDDIE POV

"Attention travelers. Flight 211 from Orange County to Chicago with departure time of 3:00 PM has been canceled." I looked up from my book, shifted my position in the awkward navy blue chair, and risked a glance at Sam. The same emotionless stare. "Please visit Customer Service to make separate arrangements. Thank you for your cooperation."

Dark green headphones occupied her ears as she listened silently and motionlessly to her music. I suddenly wished that I could break into her head and explore the intricacies of her mind. Her blank face must've been masking all of the activity in there.

I shoved my insanely boring book back into my backpack and looked at her again. I would make her talk to me if it was the last thing I did. I needed to _know._

Gently removing one of the green buds from her ears, I whispered, "Yo Puckett."

I couldn't tell if the corners of her mouth were slightly curved or not as she glanced at me. "What?"

I jumped a little as a voice crackled over the loudspeaker. "Boarding for flight 325 from Orange County to Seattle will now begin for first-class passengers."

"How you doin'?" I lamely began.

She just grunted.

"What is it?"

She shrugged a little and avoided my gaze. "Remember when we told each other our fears?"

My memory played an instant re-run. Right. Airplanes. Because they're weird.

"Trust me; you'll be fine. Safest form of travel, remember?"

Her head swung around to meet my eyes and she studied me. After a moment, the same emotionless stare dominated her features as she resumed gazing at nothing. That's when it hit me. I told her to trust me.

I rubbed my forehead and thought about how screwed up things were between us. "Wow..."

"Huh?" Her eyes were back on me.

I shook my head. "Nothing." I scooted closer to her, took her abandoned headphone, and maneuvered it into my ear.

"_Always left to leave; that's why he has returned / I know I should have been thrilled…"_

I became fascinated with the movement of her right pointer finger on her leg, aimlessly roaming in small circles on her bare thigh, just below the edge of her brown shorts. "Song?"

"Kansas City. Damien Jurado," she replied, crossing her legs.

"Group One will now be seated," the voice on the loudspeaker boomed.

"_Kansas City, thanks for your concern / I will learn to get back on my own…"_

Sam pinched her shoulders together and cracked her back. "What group are we?"

"Two."

"Hmph," she grunted in response, uncrossing her legs and leaning on the armrest.

"_Orphaned by my stake / call him by his name…"_

Out of my peripheral vision, I saw my mom peek out from behind her reading material, squint, and return to her Aggressive Parenting magazine.

"And her?" she asked a bit softer. No doubt referring to my mother.

"Four." We couldn't get three seats together. Since Sam wasn't about to sit with my mom for two and a half hours and I wasn't comfortable with Sam sitting alone for some reason, my mother reluctantly agreed to take the single seat towards the back of the plane.

She grunted again. We didn't talk as the song continued and the loudspeaker came alive again.

"Now seating Group Two."

"_I know someday I will return…"_

* * *

SAM POV

"Window seat?" I heard him offer.

I don't know _what_ came over me. I must have hallucinated or something.

I saw myself in the window seat: the passenger seat. Alive. Breathing. I saw Carly in the aisle seat: the driver's side. Dead. Quiescent.

I shook my head repeatedly. "No. _No_. You take the window seat."

He gave me an odd look and put his hands up as if to say "Okay, chill…". I let him slide in first, sunk into the aisle seat, and nudged my backpack under the chair in front of me. Many minutes passed and I saw Mrs. Benson lugging her carry-on medical kit behind her, hitting people and banging against the aisle seats, leaving annoyed travelers in her wake. When she reached our row, she gave me a look of what looked like disgust and continued on her path to the back.

I heard Freddie scowl and turned to look at him. "What?"

"Ignore her." His knuckles were white from gripping the armrest so hard.

I raised my eyebrows. "You seem to be more upset by her than I am."

His arm relaxed a bit. "Good."

So then I suffered through long minutes of more boarding, safety instructions, and lift-off. When the plane had safely soared into the sky, I loosened my rigid hold on the arm rests and voiced what was on my mind.

"I don't get it." My teeth grinded against each other.

"Get what?"

"Why you want me to come back."

He was silent for a while. "Why wouldn't I?"

I tried my best to keep my tone indifferent when I was anything but. "You're basically leaving as soon as I get back."

"What makes you think th-"

His ignorance made me want to scream and random tears threatened to break free. I raised my voice a ton before I could stop myself. "College, you moron!" I immediately chomped on my lip and leaned back against the seat. I felt so depressed. I ruined every relationship that I had with everyone. And now basically the only one I had left probably hated me even more.

"I'm sor-"

"Don't be," he interrupted. As simple as that. Not saying what he really thought. Wasn't that what caused this whole mess? I didn't think I could take it if he said things like what he did to me again.

But before I could try to fix anything, he spoke again. "Would you prefer that I didn't go?"

"Don't be ridiculous," I immediately snapped back and bit my lip again.

But his tone remained even and patient. "Because if you don't want me to, then-"

"What, so I can ruin your future too?" Uh-oh. I snapped my mouth shut and looked away.

He was quiet for a little again. "Sam, I didn't want to go to college anyway. Say the word and I'll stay."

My defense mode instantly went on red-alert. "You don't think I can make it on my own? I'm not some weak dandelion or something! I don't _need_ you!"

I immediately realized what I said and buried my face in my hands. He came all this way to get me back, and _this_ is how I treat him? No matter what I did, I always made things worse. I'd probably never change.

I heard him sigh heavily and a tear escaped my eye. I was becoming soft and vulnerable and I hated it. I was _Sam_, for ham's sake. There was no _time_ to be weak. What were the benefits of _that_?

I felt an arm around my shoulder and I hiccupped, hating myself for crying in front of him. "Sam, stop it," his soft murmur soothed. A hand was trying to remove mine from my face and I resisted at first because I felt another tear melt into my fingers. "Stop crying." His hand was gentle but surprisingly strong and I was losing the battle. "I hate it when you cry."

So I gave in and my hands were peeled away to reveal my ugly and sticky face. I couldn't rub the tears away, which made me feel even uglier. I'm only beautiful when I'm strong.

But when I finally forced myself to suck it up and look at him, I only saw a simple smile. No words.

And suddenly I felt a whole lot prettier.

* * *

FREDDIE POV

"You don't think I can make it on my own? I'm not some weak dandelion or something! I don't _need_ you!"

I didn't know it was possible, but my heart shattered in an instant. Because I sure as chiz needed her. I mean, look what happened to me after I got her suicide letter.

Maybe now I somewhat knew how she felt when I screamed those idiot things to her. Except what I said was a million times worse.

But when she hid her face in her hands, I knew she didn't mean it. And now I had a chance to start making up for my mistakes.

The bottom of her jaw twisted at a weird angle, making me aware of the fact that she was crying. And that I couldn't take. I promptly moved to my left and slipped an arm around her shoulders. "Stop it," I whispered, moving my face closer to her ear and my hand onto hers. "Stop crying." She sniffled and my heart broke even more. I did my best at removing her hands from her face. "I hate it when you cry."

And when she surrendered, I wouldn't let her wipe her tears away. I needed her to understand that there shouldn't be and wouldn't be any more boundaries between us again.

So when she looked at me and I felt her relax, I was confident that the road to repair got a whole lot shorter.

* * *

NORMAL POV

Sue Chamber opened the wood chest at the foot of her bed as she watched the sun set behind the horizon and took out the newspaper she'd kept for so long. She turned to the third page and reread the title.

_Drunk Driver Kills Teenage Web Sensation_

She knew her husband had a business trip to Seattle that weekend. She also knew his tendency to drink the night before an important board meeting. Anxiety, probably. What she didn't know was that he had the stupidity to get in the rental SUV and drive right afterwards.

She shook her head, looked away, and forced herself to actually read the article for the first time and look at the black and white picture of the wreck.

So she read the article. And her hands wouldn't stop shaking.

…_Carlotta Shay and Samantha Puckett from the popular web show iCarly…_

Hadn't that young man called her Sam at first?

…_say that Carlotta was killed instantly from the impact of the SUV. Samantha is currently in a coma and being treated at Seattle City Hospital…_

Seattle? Her heart pounded in her ears as she shot up from her seat, turned her computer on, and typed in the iCarly web address. When it popped up, she immediately recognized the boy half-pumping his fist in the air as the teenager who called her Sam. The black and white picture of the dead brunette from the paper matched the girl to his right. It took her a few seconds, but she gasped when she replaced the second girl's blonde hair with auburn. It was her.

Carly. Otherwise known as Samantha Puckett.

* * *

**This is my favorite chapter so far. (1) It's long. And (2) because of the Sam&Freddie-ness and all. Squeee! Oh, and the little plot twist at the end. **

**Okay, in chapter two I wrote Carly's full name as Carlotta Yvette Shay…that's what it said on her iCarly wiki page! But now it doesn't! I'm mad b/c I wanted to keep this story as real as possible. GRR. **

**And of course how could I forget the most awesomest people in da world? : 'Kressxblack', 'seddieforever16', 'SeddierFTW', 'TotallyAwesomeSuperFan', 'alwayssmiling11', 'Anon075', 'Kpfan72491', 'Kaitley' (x3), 'Elle', 'Geekquality', 'Allybooklover6677', 'ccchat8', 'SeddieFTW', 'Seddie4TW', 'Gina', 'follow you into the night', 'luktheduke', 'TitanicNerd3', and an anonymous reviewer. Special thanks to 'follow you into the night' and 'Kaitley' for all of your support. =]**

'**Elle' - it reminded me of "Raise Your Voice" at first also. even though I'm sad, I totally understand your decision, especially if it reminds you of loss in your past or anything like that. have a nice day and thank you for the compliments!**

'**SeddieFTW' - thanks! **

'**Seddie4TW' - (I'm assuming the same person, maybe…?) haha, thanks for your dedication! :D**

'**Gina' - thanks so much! I definitely will see this through til the end ;]**

**To the anonymous reviewer - THANKSFORREVIEWING! lol**


	16. Chapter 16: Cement

**PLEASE READ! Some didn't get the significance of the last section of the previous chap. Sue (the owner of the bakery Sam worked at in Cali) read the newspaper that covered her husband's death. AND the crash that killed Carly and injured Sam. Her husband was drunk and in Seattle driving an SUV. An SUV is what crashed into Carly and Sam. **

**Get it?**

**I don't own iCarly. Still working on that.**

**Listen to "Who Needs Air" and "R&R" by The Classic Crime- -an AMAZING band I just discovered. And don't forget to R&R! XD**

* * *

SAM POV

It's been two hours in the air. Half hour to go.

I ended up ignoring the movie "Source Code" they put on the screens scattered around the plane and staring off into space the times Freddie didn't talk to me. So far it had been a decent flight. No weather issues. No engine failures. No terrorist attacks or plane crashes that resulted in resonant and fiery explosions.

After I was done counting the 238 blue circles on the seat in front of me, I glanced to my left at the row in front of me. A girl who was sitting there had dark brown hair and a narrow frame. I let my lips curl into a soft but sad smile. I couldn't see her face, but she sorta reminded me of-

And then her head swiveled around to look at me.

I bit back a scream as Carly's black glass made contact with my blue irises, not letting me blink and break the spell she had me under. She was _here…?_ But…that's…i m p o s s i b l e…!

I tried to breathe but it was like her glassy eyes had some supernatural force that was sucking my oxygen away. She was stealing the life out of me. I felt my brain pressing against the sides of my skull as my head shrunk; I knew it would explode in a matter of seconds. I lost feeling in my hands and feet. My throat closed up and my chest brutally protested, shrieking for air. My lungs collapsed. My heart was out of control, trying to escape via my throat, but it was already gone. I became light-headed and tiny bright stars invaded my vision. Every second felt like a millennium and I started blacking out. _Air…AIR…!_

_Carly…!_ I desperately tried to move my feeble fingers to get Freddie's attention and help, but they wouldn't budge. I couldn't move _anything_ for that matter. _W h y…?_

_Does it really have to end this way?_

* * *

FREDDIE POV

We hadn't talked in a while and I felt guilty for not having anything to say. This was about as physically close as we would ever be and I had two and a half hours to reach out to her. And so far all I did was make her feel better after she insulted me. My head couldn't wrap around that twisted logic.

"So…" I awkwardly started. "You excited to see anyone when we get back?" _What kind of question was that?_ I silently chastised myself.

She didn't answer me. I risked a glance and saw she was looking off to the side, her auburn curls hiding her face. I sighed. "Look, I know I said some things a while ago, but can we put the past in the past?" No response. I immediately felt stupid since that was a really dumb thing to ask of her. "I know that's kinda hard to do, but…can we at least try?"

No response.

"Sam, come on. Say _something_." Nothing. "Sam?" I waved a hand in front of her face and nudged her shoulder when she didn't move a muscle. Her hair still covered her face, so I moved it back.

"Look, I know that-" I stopped cold.

Holy cheese. She was _blue_.

I obviously panicked. "Sam? Sam!" It was like physically impossible for her to blink. Tugging on her arm, I desperately pleaded, "What's wrong? Sam, look at me!" I actually tried moving her head, but it was like attempting to make cement on a sidewalk change its shape.

I don't know what possessed me after that, but I ended up slapping her face. _Hard_.

* * *

SAM POV

I was losing consciousness. I could feel her soul take mine, and with every more of me she took, the bigger her smile got. But it wasn't one of those happy smiles. It was an 'I'm evil and I'm going to kill you' smile. Like any of you have seen one of those before.

And the moment I lost all hope of surviving, a blunt force exploded against my cheek and for a brief instant, my eyelids shuddered. But that brief instant was all it took to make her disappear.

I desperately gasped for the air that was suddenly available to me, sputtering and coughing like a trout left out in the sun, abandoned on a dry deck. Poetic, aren't I?

"Are you _trying_ to get yourself killed?" I heard to my right. After I stabilized my breathing, I turned to see a totally bugged-out Fredwart. One look at my face and his demeanor changed immediately.

"Did you have a panic attack or something? Do you need medical attention? 'Cause my mom has that medicine kit thing in the back with her and-"

"Chill!" I hissed, just to shut him up, and took a few more deep breaths, suddenly grateful for the simple privilege of air.

"What _happened_?"

I thought that people around us would be staring or something, but they all had the awkward airplane headphones on and were glued to the movie screens. I shook my head. "Nothing." I risked a glance back at the seat she was in and saw no one but an old grandpa snoring away in it. My heart thrashed about in my rib cage.

I wasn't crazy. I _wasn't_.

And I didn't feel like talking to Freddie about it. So before he could deny my obvious lie, I punched his arm. Hard.

"Ahh!" He shrunk away from me and gripped his left shoulder with his right hand as his face twisted with pain. "Dude!"

"That's for slapping me."

* * *

FREDDIE POV

She was hiding something from me. I knew that. I wasn't _that _stupid.

So to keep her talking, I repeated my unanswered question from earlier. "You looking forward to seeing anyone when we get back?"

She shrugged. "Not really." I figured that the thought of facing the ones she left behind was terrifying for her, but she would never admit that of course. A small smile raced across her face, but as soon as it had appeared, it vanished. "Spencer, I guess."

I nodded, not really knowing what else to say. But she solved that dilemma.

"Never mind. No one." The finality and harshness of her tone made me eye her with surprise.

"Why the sudden change of heart?"

She gave me an incredulous look. "Who would _want_ to see me?"

My jaw almost fell open. "You're kidding, right?" Her arms crossed over her chest.

"No, I'm not. I know I wouldn't want someone who pretended to commit suicide randomly show up at my house and declare, 'I'm alive! You miss me?'" She shifted in her seat. "I'd probably punch their face in," she added as an afterthought.

"We've all made mistakes…"

She snorted. "Yeah. I'm sure."

"Well…" I paused, wondering if I should go that far. "I _am_ the one that started this whole mess."

She immediately glared at me. "Don't you _dare_!" I thought she would stop there, but man was I wrong. "You aren't the one who forced her into the car that night! You're not the selfish brat who _had_ to have whatever she wanted on her eighteenth birthday. And _you_ aren't the one that-"

Her voice choked off, but I waited patiently for a few seconds. "…killed her," she finished in a hoarse whisper.

I tried holding her hand, but she instantly wrenched it from my grasp. "Sam, look…"

"You're the one that saved her life from the taco truck," she continued. I could barely hear her so I leaned in a little. "And I'm the one that destroyed it."

"Sam," I tried, but she ignored me, placing her hands on both sides of her head and resting her elbows on her knees.

"She died the day I was born."

I wasn't sure if I heard her that time; her voice was so faint. I put an arm around her anyway and attempted to hug her to my chest, but she was as rigid as cement and did nothing to reciprocate. I put both of my hands in my lap and waited a few more minutes in silence. And then…

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are beginning our descent to Seattle…"

* * *

**Have you guys checked out my one-shot that I FINALLY posted, "To The Wolves"? R&R and I'll love you forever. =] And I'm getting unhealthily excited for my next S&F Multi-Chap. I came up with a name: 24 Hours. :D:D:D x287485**

**I already wrote the prologue, I'm THAT enthusiastic. I'm debating if I should wait until after I finish Exit Wounds or just post it now and not work on it more until EW is over. Thoughts?**

*****I'm taking a short break from FF after today for personal reasons, so next chap = August. But my email buddies can always PM me. *****

**By the way, "Source Code"? THAT MOVIE IS THE BOMB. hehe, pun intended.**

**Thanks! 'ccchat8', 'Kpfan72491', 'luktheduke', 'Purple xx', 'TitanicNerd3', 'TotallyAwesomeSuperFan', 'SeddierFTW', 'Geekquality', 'TheRockAngel', 'PurpleJerk', 'Gerren', 'Kaitley', 'alwayssmiling11', 'Gina', 'icecoffee18', 'Alybooklover6677', 'freindliy', and 'Danielle' are totally wicked. In the good way.**

'**Gina' - thanks, I'm glad you thought so!**

'**Danielle' - thank you very very much! **


	17. Chapter 17: Baby Steps

**Hola amigos, I have returned! Thanks so much for bearing with me, that time off really helped me out with…life, I guess. I love you love you love you! I cannot stress that enough.  
**

**I actually watched the Phineas&Ferb movie last night and IT WAS ADORABLE. I was "aw-ing" throughout the entire thing. Watch it, peeps.**

**So here's Chap 17. I still don't own iCarly, but what can I do? Listen to "Blame It On the Changes" by Dashboard Confessional and "Before It's Too Late" by the Goo Goo Dolls.**

* * *

SAM POV

I finished reading the notice taped onto the inside of the taxi for the thirty second time. Yeah, I actually counted.

Crazy's five billion suitcases were jammed in the trunk, stuffed in the area on and around the front passenger seat, and stacked on all of our laps. She sat on the passenger side of the back seat, I on the opposite side, and Freddie was crammed between us. It was hot and stuffy and the windows didn't seem to be working; so yeah, it was an uncomfortable, silent ride back to my home away from home. Back to a little place I like to call Bushwell Plaza.

The taxi jerked to a stop and Freddie's mom got out to pay the driver. Freddie heaved a pink and brown checkered suitcase off of his lap and slid out the door. I'm not sure if it was the overwhelming weight of the suitcase on top of me or the absolute terror of facing the ones I had betrayed, but I did _not_ want to get out of that taxi. Maybe it was both.

My door opened and the pink and brown sack of bricks was hoisted off of my now numb thighs. "Sam."

I looked up in surprise. The nub could actually lift that?

"You coming?"

I swallowed. Nope.

"Hey," I heard him whisper. We made eye contact and I felt naked and readable. "I know," he finished. A small smile played on his lips. His right hand was outstretched, fingers wiggling in my direction, teasing my wall of pride. I gave him a look and got out of the taxi on my own, that wall still erect.

Crazy was done paying and the poor taxi driver was grunting as he struggled with the multitude of luggage. "You guys go do whatever you young adults do," she began, eyeing the way he was handling her precious suitcases. "I'm staying to make sure this imbecile doesn't _break_ anything." I hid a smirk as the guy glared at her when she wasn't looking.

Freddie pressed '8' after a short walk and the elevator doors closed. We were alone.

Of course.

I got lost in my thoughts as I predicted Spencer's reaction to my return. _"You were FAKING it? Is life a GAME to you?"_ I shook my head, erasing the image. Take Two. _"How could you do that? Get out of my apartment!"_ I closed my eyes for multiple seconds. Take Three…

"Trust."

My trance was shattered and I looked at him. "Huh?"

"Trust." He licked his lips and swallowed. "I need you to trust me."

I nervously glanced at the top of the front wall of the elevator. We were approaching the sixth floor.

"I don't know if I can do that," I responded shakily after a few seconds. _Ding!_

The walls slid open, proclaiming my freedom from the tiny box. I darted out only to have my upper arm grabbed. My eyes traveled from the white fingers, up the arm and chest, and landed on his face. His expression pleaded with me but I wouldn't give in.

His grip loosened after many timeless seconds, realizing that this wasn't the time or place, and I slid out of his grip. As I approached Apartment 8-C, my breath caught in my throat when I remembered the last time I knocked on this door.

It was to lead my best friend to her death.

I immediately whirled around, my face colliding into Freddie's shirt and the muscular chest it concealed. I hated how much taller he was than me now and the fact that I had to look up to make eye contact. I tried escaping to the side, but he moved in front of me. I tried the other side and he was one step ahead of me again.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "I'm not ready to do this right now." I sounded like some flower girl and was disgusted with myself.

"Will you ever be?" His way of saying_ Suck it up, Puckett._

He reached over my shoulder and knocked on the door four times. I caught a whiff of peppermint and smoke, but not cigarette smoke or that burning leaves smell. This was just…smoke.

I inhaled his scent and closed my eyes. My nerves relaxed a little more and I let my shoulders drop a tiny bit. I exhaled, opening my eyes. He was staring at me with something that looked like concern or worry, but I couldn't read him. It wasn't fair. He understood what every movement I made meant but I didn't get him at all. When I emerged from my thoughts, I realized that we were just staring at each other. But it wasn't awkward at all. It was…assuaging.

I heard the handle turn behind me.

* * *

NORMAL POV

Tears flooded his eyes for the eighty third time after eighty two times of telling himself that he wouldn't cry. He yanked another Kleenex from the box, wiped his face, tossed it in the direction of the garbage can, missed, and continued sorting through his little sister's room.

It had been over three months and he'd finally brought himself to enter that room. He took another look at the picture frame in his hands. The inside of the Groovy Smoothie. The brunette male's arm draped lazily over his dark-haired friend's shoulder. The white of their teeth contrasted the terrible quality of his camera. The blonde of the trio stood behind the sitting duo with eyebrows raised and a playful smirk on her face. In her raised hand she grasped a smoothie, dangling it over the boy's head. Moments after Spencer Shay had taken that picture, Freddie Benson was an angry, pink smoothie-infested mess.

Swallowing, he gently placed the picture in a cardboard box with the blue remote once used on the teenagers' webshow. His little sister's room was cluttered with many of these boxes, full and Scotch-taped shut. He massaged his forehead, reminiscing about the times when life was easy. When he was ignorant of what the world was really like outside of his sheltered habitat. When he could be as immature as sanity allowed. When the three people in this picture were all alive.

Spencer heard the four faint knocks and wiped his eyes and sniffed, hopefully clearing up any blockage in his nose. He wearily stumbled down the stairs, nearly falling in the process, and swung open the front door. Freddie was there with a girl. They seemed to be shamelessly staring at each other, unspoken conversations traveling back and forth between them.

And then the girl turned around.

* * *

SAM POV

He blinked. That's all he did at first; blinked. I saw a glimmer of disbelief and hope in his eyes, and I allowed my heart to soar. I also allowed it to crash back down again when Spencer shook his head a little, blinked again, and walked back into his apartment.

"Hey guys, come on in."

Even Freddie was caught off guard by his reaction. "Um, hi…"

Spencer motioned for us to have a seat on the couch as he strolled over to the fridge. "Pepi cola?"

"No thanks…" Freddie replied as Spencer got a can for himself. The two of us were still standing near the doorway as he came back into the living room. "It's nice to see you again, Melanie. I, uh, like what you did with your hair." He took a sip of the soda and placed it on the coffee table. "Sit down," he offered. I felt Freddie shift uncomfortably beside me.

I finally found my voice. "Spencer," I whispered. It was barely audible. But that was all it took.

His eyes widened in that same expression of hope and disbelief and I bit my lip. Hard. His mouth opened a little in wonder and I couldn't take it anymore.

With a soft cry, I ran towards him. It took three steps to reach him and to be swept up in his arms. Three steps for my feet to be lifted off the ground, arms thrown around his shoulders and desperately pressing into his upper back. Three steps for his face to bury itself in my shoulder, my shirt soaked from his tears.

Three steps to feel loved again.

* * *

NORMAL POV

Another long day of babysitting the Gupster while his mother did who knows what. Another meal of just smoothies at the Groovy Smoothie. Another time that Gibby Gibson had finished his large smoothie within two minutes, multiple brain-freezes along the way, and Guppy wasn't even halfway done with his small smoothie after a half hour.

"C'mon, Gup," the haggard teen urged. "Slurp faster."

"Happy birfday!" came the response. Gibby expected as much.

"You know, I _still_ can't believe the show's over." Gibby's attention was instantly captured, even without knowing what the teenage couple sitting at the table behind him were talking about.

"Forget about the show, what about Carly _dying_?"

Yup, he knew now.

"Yeah, I feel so awful for her." The girl's annoying high-pitched voice made Gibby want to scream. "Stupid drunk driver."

"Stupid Sam Puckett." He couldn't believe his ears. "I heard that it's her fault she was even in the car in the first place." His hands curled into fists. "I hope she feels terrible about killing her."

And that was the last straw.

The chubby teenager yanked off his shirt, chucked it at the male teenager's face, and overturned their table as the female observed with wide and shocked eyes. The sound that arose from his throat didn't even sound human. The Gibson Beast roared his fury, tears threatening to break free as he shoved the guy off of his chair and chucked the piece of furniture across the room.

"DON'T YOU _DARE_!" he shrieked. When the news of Sam's death had reached him, he had felt all strength and will leave his body. But when his dead best friend's name was slandered, that power was instantly reborn. The mortified guy recognized the identity of the shirtless hurricane and no words could escape from his mouth.

"Go Gibby!" The younger Gibson had risen from his chair and pumped a fist in the air. The rest of the restaurant was dead silent. The girl's mouth was still wide open and the guy was still on the floor, afraid to move a muscle. And he should have been.

Gibby vaguely noticed a tingling sensation in his front right pants pocket and shakily tugged out his cell phone. A text from Freddie.

He read the contents of the message, grabbed Guppy's pudgy hand, and raced for the car.

* * *

SAM POV

I was back in his arms, the lower half of my body sprawled on the couch and the upper half enveloped in his hold. I felt him continuously threading his fingers through my hair, as if he couldn't believe that I was actually alive.

"Newport Beach."

Spencer blinked, taken aback. "California?"

I nodded.

His arms tightened their hold. "How'd you end up _there_?"

I shrugged. "Plane. I had money." My tone took on a sour note. "I'm not completely incapable, you know. I save money."

"I never said you were," he simply responded. And somehow, it was enough.

The front door suddenly exploded open. Gibby dragged his brother inside and basically had a heart attack when he recognized my face. "Sam?"

I sort of smiled. The kind that doesn't reach your ears. "Sam I am."

I reluctantly abandoned my position on the couch with Spencer and let the shirtless boy hug me briefly. _Briefly_. I wasn't about to get all soft yet.

"Uh, Gibby? Where's your shirt?"

"Aw, cheese sticks!" He lamely stomped his foot. "I forgot it at the Groovy Smoothie."

I nodded, pretending I understood.

"Sammy!" And then I had a giddy Gupster hanging on my leg.

"Hey Gup! What goes on?" It was weird being nice. Like I was faking my way through life.

"Gibby said we wasn't gonna see you 'gain, but I knowed he was wrong." Gibby froze, as did I. "Happy birfday!" the young Gibson added for more effect.

I swallowed but no more words came out.

Freddie rose from his chair and spoke up for the first time in a while. I'd almost forgotten he was in the room.

"I better take Sam home. We haven't been there yet."

And so the dork saved me from a situation that I wasn't ready to be in yet.

* * *

FREDDIE POV

As I turned into the familiar neighborhood, Sam finally said something. "I didn't think you were actually going to take me here."

"I said that I was…"

"I thought it was just a cover! I don't want to see her!"

"Sam, she's your mother," I softly scolded.

"Doesn't mean I want to see her and vice versa."

"Sam," I began as I parked in her driveway.

"No."

"Sam, you-"

"No!"

"Sam-"

"No!"

"SAM!" I finally just gave in to my building anger and yelled.

She was silent. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and exhaled.

"Sorry."

A minute passed. "You don't get it."

I was about to respond but decided not to. Because maybe I didn't.

"She's…her. She's…"

"Your mom?" I interrupted.

She growled in frustration. "Would you shut up?"

I have no idea why, but I did. Because I was hurt. No wait, not hurt. Disappointed? Nah, that's not it. Maybe…offended? No, that _definitely_ wasn't it.

What was it then?

"Hello…? Earth to Fredward."

I blinked. "What?"

She rolled her eyes. "Welcome back. Thought I lost you at the seven-second mark."

I resisted the urge to roll mine also and jerked my head towards her front door. "Go on."

She folded her arms across her chest. "Bite me."

"Sam, I promise everything'll be fine."

"This _is_ my mom we're talking about."

I sighed. I was going to regret this. "If it doesn't go well, I give you permission to beat me up to your heart's content. Now go."

I saw something flicker in her eyes that wasn't there before. Fear.

Sam Puckett was scared of her own mother.

I touched her arm and nodded in what I hoped was a comforting manner. "Go." My voice came out as a whisper.

I watched as Sam realized she was revealing her weak side to me, cover it up with a mask of annoyance and a scowl, and get out of the car, dragging her backpack with her. She slammed the car door behind her, rocking the vehicle.

Typical Sam. I smiled a little.

She walked up to the front door and glanced back at me, still in the car. She gave me her famous glare.

In turn, I wiggled my eyebrows, grinned, and waved a little. I saw her give me the evil eye and chuckled.

She knocked on the door and a full minute passed before it opened. A disgruntled-looking Pam Puckett stood in the doorway.

And she did not look happy to see her visitor.

* * *

**Hey, author's note time. PLEASE check out 'Kaitley''s story called "Running" and 'alwayssmiling11''s story "Sing Out Loud". Both deserve more attention/'publicity' than they're getting.**

**And sorry that this chap was sorta filler and unbelievably long…I got a little carried away.**

**SO thankful for all my patient readers and reviewers: 'TotallyAwesomeSuperFan', 'mamaluvsangst', 'Purple xx', 'Kpfan7241', 'TheRockAngel', 'alwayssmiling11', 'luktheduke', 'rainbows-and-fries', 'SeDdIeLuVeR13', 'UltraMegaStar', 'SeddierFTW', 'ccchat8', 'sparksflyx13', 'White Firebird', 'PurpleJerk', 'Geekquality', 'Daniel112', 'TnxDan', 'Cassie', 'icecoffee18', and 'TeenageVampyre' (x3).**

'**Daniel112' - in good time, my friend. thanks for reviewing!**

'**Cassie' - wow, thank you so much! your review made my return to FanFiction all the more special :)**


	18. Chapter 18: Rebound

**iLMM tonight at 8/7c!**

**Here's Chapter 18; please R&R and lemme know how it was. Listen to "9 Crimes" by Damien Rice and "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World.**

* * *

FREDDIE POV

First, the hesitant introductory words and the digging of the toe of her shoe in the ground. Then, the forced eye contact and the rambling of words. Next, the hands wringing themselves together as her mouth can't stop the overflow of speech. Lastly, a breath. And another. One more as she awaits the response of her mother.

It was like watching one of those silent films. Sam's mouth moved, but I couldn't hear a sound. And then she waited for a reaction.

It took a few seconds. The reply was hardly a fraction of the length of Sam's rant.

Her mother might have said three words. Maybe four. But I'm being really generous there.

Then I watched as she slammed the door in her daughter's face.

I leapt out of the car and started towards Sam, who was still just standing there. I'd almost reached her when she turned around and stumbled in my direction.

"What did she say?"

She wouldn't look at me. "Nothing. Let's go."

Now just wait a second. Wasn't this the part where she said "Told you so" and tackled me to the ground, punching my brains out?

"Sam, wha-"

"LET'S GO!" she yelled in a choked voice. She pushed past me and rushed into the car, smashing the door closed behind her. Mixed emotions of shock and concern swarmed around my brain as I winced at the sound. I was surprised the door didn't fall off.

I glanced at the Pucketts' front door, considering the option of banging it down myself and screaming at her mother. But I had another priority that held a much higher position.

I got back in my car. Her face was turned towards the window.

We were both silent for a moment.

"I'm sorry." I didn't know what else to say.

I let a minute pass. "Sam?"

She didn't respond. Figures.

I grabbed her left shoulder and spun her body around to face me. Tears were streaming down her cheeks.

Woah.

"She's here," she whimpered.

I didn't get it. "Your mom? Well, yeah, she's in your house…"

"No. _Her_. She's here."

"Sam, what are y-"

"She says I've been trying to kill her all along."

I was hopelessly confused. "What? Who's saying that?"

She sniffled. "The window washer's platform…"

Huh?

"Freddie," she whispered. "I'm evil."

"What are you talking about?" I reached for her hand.

"No! Don't touch me!" she shrieked, shrinking against the side of the car.

I immediately backed off. "Who's saying that?"

She mumbled something inaudible. "What did you say?"

"CARLY!" she screamed, another tear slipping down her face. "She won't leave me alone…"

I was getting creeped out. "She's not here, Sam. It's just…a bad dream."

"You don't believe me," she said softly.

"I…"

"I'm not crazy."

"I…I know…"

"I'm NOT!" She yanked open the door, leapt outside, and took off.

There was no way I'd catch her on foot, so I quickly turned the key in the ignition and the engine roared to life. But she sprinted off the road, in between houses, and out of sight.

I lost her again.

* * *

SAM POV

"_Get outta here."_

My head throbbed with her three words. My own mother didn't want me to be a part of her life.

"_You tried to end my life before…" _a different voice repeated. _"…you and your trash talk…you wanted Shelby Marx to kill me…"_

I started seeing stars. I cut across the field in my neighbor's backyard. Tall grass scratched wet skin off my cheeks until they were raw.

"…_you pushed the button on the window washer platform…you wanted me to die when your first attempt failed…"_

Her black glass eyes shattered in front of me, exploding into my face. Then the rest of her body materialized off to my right. I screamed and ran faster.

"…_then you saw that taco truck coming and didn't stop me…and Freddie was hurt instead of me…"_

No matter how fast I ran, she kept up. She had the ability to glide while I stumbled over loose rocks and mounds of dirt in the ground.

"…_you wanted Nora Dirshlitt to kill me…but she almost got Gibby instead…"_

She made a grab for my shirt. I narrowly dodged her and kept running.

"…_you probably rewired that Gummy Bear lamp Spencer gave me to explode…when the room caught on fire you wanted me to be in there…so I would perish…"_

How long had I been running for? An eternity? Time didn't seem to exist.

"…_you are a murderer…"_

The slithering serpents of the wind hissed in my ears, anticipating the kill. The tips of the tall grass were the long stingers of grotesque yellow jackets, piercing my skin and drawing blood. My hands were the claws of a beast, making the cuts in my skin wider and deeper as they grabbed aimlessly at the creatures.

"…_you are evil…"_

I couldn't see a thing. I didn't go blind; everything was just a blur, a haze. I could've been running across a highway for all I knew. The tall grass could just be a hallucination like everything else in my life. Maybe I was running on concrete. Or mud. Or grass.

"…_EVIL…"_

Three, four, maybe five knives suddenly plunged into my abdomen, stealing my breath as Carly cackled beside me. I clutched my stomach, gasping. I was confused when blood wasn't seeping through my fingers. The haze eventually cleared to reveal what had attacked me.

A black iron fence. Not knives.

Multiple intricately-shaped rocks jutted out of the ground. Some poked an inch above the grass, others were five feet high. Some shaped like crosses, others just rectangles. All with various inscriptions.

"…_MURDERER…"_

Carly's talons lurched toward me. I didn't hesitate to scale the fence as her wings unfolded and her beak curved into place. Her eyes reappeared, but they were a sickly yellow with distinct red veins.

A vulture that preys on the dead.

I dodged the stones as I ran deeper and deeper into the cemetery. I was too scared to scream. I was too scared to cry, or breathe, or do anything that a normal person would. Half of me knew I was hallucinating and running away from a creation that my delusional mind had concocted, but my other half felt Carly's presence and her burning desire to avenge her death.

I tripped. Just like in those horror movies, where the protagonist can't get up so she shrinks away from the beast, cowering on the ground. Except I shrunk away right into a tombstone.

The morbid vulture grinned, revealing yellow and black teeth, and perched on another grave a few feet away. I clumsily turned around on the ground, ignoring the mud now caked onto my palms.

CARLOTTA YVETTE SHAY

Whatever breath was left in my lungs disintegrated into nothing.

JULY 24, 1994 - APRIL 18, 2012

I could feel Carly's evil smile as I continued to read her grave.

WE LOVE YOU. FOREVER.

That was it? After more than seventeen years of life, all that was left of her was a rock with four words that meant nothing?

Wait.

WAIT.

April _18th_?

I slapped my hand onto the stone and ran my fingers over the numbers and in its grooves, tracing its outline and making sure my eyes weren't still deceiving me. The eighteenth.

The vulture's grin faltered.

The day _after_ the seventeenth.

I burst into tears and actually hugged Carly's tombstone. But these weren't tears of pain or grief. Not tears of exhaustion. Not of despair either.

These were tears of sheer happiness.

When I was done, I looked to my right.

The vulture was gone.

* * *

FREDDIE POV

I was one button away from calling Spencer when I stopped myself.

_Sam crashed into his arms and was catapulted off the ground, secured by his hold. As the tears streamed down Spencer's face, he looked at me and mouthed the words "Thank you."_

I couldn't let him know I allowed myself to lose her again. He would do everything but kill me. I had to find her.

Easier said than done.

_She's here…Carly…she's here…_

Was Sam going completely nuts? Or was I just not getting the whole picture?

The sun was setting quickly, making room for the night, so I drove to the Groovy Smoothie, Galini's pie shop, and all her favorite places in the world, but she wasn't there.

_Carly…she's here…_

I decided to try one last place.

* * *

FREDDIE POV; TEN MINUTES LATER

And there she was.

I hesitated at first to approach her, but she noticed my presence and gave me a smile. Which took me completely by surprise.

"Freddie, she didn't die…!"

I almost pulled out my cell phone and called the mental ward, but she wasn't done yet.

"She didn't die…on my birthday…!" She wasn't crying, but remnants of past tears shined on her cheeks.

I walked over and knelt beside her, examining Carly's tombstone. April 18th.

Hallelujah.

"Yeah…" I replied slowly. I mean, what else was I supposed to say?

I got up, helped her up, and led her to the car. Dropping her off at Spencer's place for the night, I returned to my own apartment, weighing my options and making my decision.

* * *

FREDDIE POV; THE NEXT DAY

_BANG BANG BANG._ My fist throbbed from its impact with the front door. A little part of me was terrified, but everything else felt strong, determined, and buff…so to speak.

The door swung open to reveal the fiery blonde.

"And you are?" she snapped.

"Your worst nightmare," I snarled back.

She squinted. "I remember you. You're the idiot that made my bad child drop off the face of the planet."

"And you're the idiot who's driving her away."

I saw flames. "How _dare_-"

"You know what? Save it," I interjected. "Sam might be bitter and standoffish, but believe it or not, she's human. She has feelings. And she has a mother."

She opened her mouth again, but I cut her off with, "Bah bah bah-p! Freddie's talking now."

Needless to say, she seethed in silence. I was half-expecting her to grow a tail and start breathing fire.

"A mother who should welcome her back home. Yeah, I made her leave. I hurt her. What I did was stupid and wrong. I'm learning the consequences of my actions. I'd do anything to take back what I said. And now that she's taking a shot in the dark and coming back home, to a place where she thinks everyone _despises_ her, what do you do?"

I held up a finger to silence her next retort. When her jaw snapped shut again, I felt even more empowered.

"You flat-out reject her. She was _terrified_ to face you. She tries to start over and make up for what she did, and her own mother doesn't want her to be a part of her life. I don't know if that therapist Carly made you guys see taught you _anything_, but suck it up. If you won't do it for me, do it for Sam. You know, your daughter? Or as you like to call her, your 'bad child'?"

I saw guilt flash across her features and knew that my presence was accomplishing _something_.

"And if you're too stubborn or stupid or both to do it for her, do it for Carly." I swallowed. "You know, Sam's best friend that died? The sister that she never had in Melanie? The best friend that Sam watched die _in front of her_?" I fought to keep the tears in. "That Carly. Do it for her. She didn't like seeing you two fight either."

I took a breath after what seemed like hours. "And I don't like seeing Sam suffer."

Then I left.

* * *

****I want to dedicate this story to my friend who just died recently. The songs I chose for this chapter are in honor of her. I miss her so much and will miss her for the rest of my life. ****

**Thank you 'Kaitley', 'alwayssmiling11', 'PurpleJerk', 'SeddierFTW', 'Loveyou', 'TeenageVampyre', 'SeDdIeLuVeR13', 'jhuikmn08', 'Kpfan72491', 'MayRaah', 'Purple xx', 'Ms. GleeHPObsessed214', 'Geekquality', 'mortalimortality', 'LyshaLuvsSeddie', 'ccchat8', 'Cassie', and 'Gina'.**

'**Loveyou' - thank you!**

'**Cassie' - once again, thanks so much! I know; I'm so excited, but I can't watch it tonight :(**

**'Gina' - wow, that means so much to me! I will, and thanks!**


	19. Chapter 19: Square One

**SEDDAYY! GILBERT, DINNERTIME! SPAGHETTAYY!**

**Yeah, I don't own those lines though. Or the show. Listen to "Skinny Love" by Bon Iver and "The Alarming Sound of a Still Small Voice" by Saosin and R&R!**

**Oh, and sorry about the late update. Senior year, college applications, personal and family issues, the whole deal. Not to mention swim team or being constantly sick for the past two weeks, dear LORD. I'm dying. It took a lot of effort just to post this chap…I'm really sorry. SO much going on for me right now.**

****This chap takes place the day after Freddie totally disses Sam's mom ****

* * *

FREDDIE POV

I was starting to notice things. The little things. Like every time the bell of the door to the Groovy Smoothies rang, she looked to see who it was. Or when T-Bo gave us our smoothies, she bit her lower lip before taking a sip. How her auburn hair clashed with her eyes. How much I missed her blonde hair. How much I missed the Sam from four months ago. How I could see some of the old Sam hiding behind those cerulean irises.

The way she cradled the smoothie cup as if it would disintegrate in her hands. The way her face didn't have a constant tough exterior. How much different she was when compared to the normal Sam Puckett.

It took me a while before I realized that I hadn't touched my smoothie and was just blankly staring at her.

"You know what day it is, right?"

I was hoping she wouldn't bring it up. I hated the fact that she continued to torture herself day after day. I hated the fact that it was my fault that it turned out this way.

It was July 24th. You know, _that _day?

Carly's eighteenth birthday.

But I didn't want to tell her to stop mentioning Carly or to stop dwelling in the past. Because everyone copes with loss in different ways.

"Yeah."

She frowned. "That's all you have to say?"

"What do you mean?"

"Shouldn't we do something to…you know, commemorate it?"

I chose my words carefully. "If you want to, sure."

She bit her lip and took another sip in silence and I did the same. I saw T-Bo come toward us with what looked like bumbleberry gelato on a stick. I was _not_ in the mood so I made eye contact, raised an eyebrow, and shook my head slightly. He made a weird face and went to another table. Mission accomplished.

_Bah-dah-dum!_

She slid her phone out from her pocket and read the text. Her face was an emotionless mask.

Then she glared at me.

"What?"

She slapped her phone on the table and crossed her arms. "Why would my mom text me?"

Wasn't that a good thing? "Uh…"

"What did you do?"

"Is it _bad_ that she texted you?"

She grinded her teeth together. "Answer the question, Benson."

"I…uh…talked to her."

She threw her arms up in the air. "Unbelievable!"

"What?"

"I'm not five! I don't need you protecting me or something lame like that. I can handle my own life! I don't need you butting in!"

And after everything I did for her?

"Well excuse me for trying to help," I snapped back.

"I. Don't. Need. Your. Help! I would've done just fine without her."

"Sam, she's your _mom_!"

"So what? People have survived off less." She took an angry sip of her smoothie.

I scowled. "You're impossible."

"If you would stop prodding into my life then this wouldn't be an issue." Her phone beeped again. She turned it off.

"So suddenly it's a crime to help a friend?"

"You're not my friend."

Well, that stung. But for some reason I felt compelled to fire back a witty comeback. We'd done this so many times before…everything...happened. Maybe a little part of me wanted things to go back to normal by us being mean to each other. It didn't make any sense, but how often does life make sense?

"Oh, so if we're in another state I'm your friend and if we're in Seattle I'm not?"

She kept up with the retaliation. I neglected to see the signs, though. The signs of her reaching the breaking point.

"We were never friends."

"Yeah, I'm so sure."

She leaned forward and glared. "You're saying I'm wrong."

"Duh."

The fire in her eyes flickered. The rage I'd seen in her before was back, but it was a different kind of rage.

"How so?" she challenged.

"You seem to care a whole lot about me when you think you're about to lose me."

She snorted. I should've noticed the way she set her jaw to keep it from trembling. "Yeah, sure."

I folded my arms and leaned forward more, closer to her face. We made eye contact and had a staredown while I made my argument.

"I saw the way you reacted when you found out I was still going to college. You were _scared_."

Calling Sam scared. _Not_ something you should make a habit of doing. I should have realized that she didn't tackle me to the ground and strangle me to the point of unconsciousness. She just sat there, not moving or blinking. I should have noticed.

"And the way you got all defensive when I asked you if you wanted me to stay." My eyes were starting to sting but there was no way I was going to blink. "I'm not stupid, Sam. I can read you like a book. Something you have no practice doing."

That desire for the past to mold into the present dominated my emotional state to the point where I didn't even realize how savage my last comment really was. I should have seen her eyes start to shine.

"And when I was injured after saving Carly's life, you weren't all Ms. Tough now, were you?" My hot breath collided into her face. "That taco truck almost killed me, and you knew it. It would've been _Carly_ if I didn't-"

_SMACK!_

My cheek stung with the slap of her trembling hand. She was shaking, her hand still reared back, ready for another strike. Then I saw how hard she was trying to hold it all in. I saw her eyes shimmer, her cheeks turn scarlet, her teeth bite her lower lip to the point of drawing blood.

I swallowed.

We remained in that position for a little while. Until…

"Freddie?"

It was hard to tear my gaze away. Her expression was full of masked hurt and disbelief.

My eyes landed on a familiar face. Our potential intern of the past. "Brad?"

"Yeah!" He turned to the auburn-haired girl across from me and started to introduce himself when he abruptly stopped. "Woah, _Sam_?"

She seemed to force a smile, but I could tell that she was genuinely relieved to see a friendly face. "In the flesh."

"Man, it's so nice to see you again! I love your hair!"

An instant dislike for the guy formed in my gut.

"How are you?"

Sam shrugged. "I've been better." But I saw her hide a real smile. Someone who had a legitimate interest in her…it must have felt nice after what had just happened between the two of us. "And you?"

I tried to wrap my head around the fact that Sam had asked someone how they were doing. That just doesn't happen.

"Awesome! I spent this morning…"

Brad basically ignored me and I drowned out their conversation as I observed Sam's hurt gradually transform into honest amiability. I saw how she stopped biting her lip. How her teeth showed when she smiled. How her eyes shone with animation instead of tears.

The next thing I knew, Sam had gotten out of her seat and was following Brad toward the exit of the Groovy Smoothie. "See ya, Freddie!" Brad's voice called.

Woah, woah, wait a minute. How long had I been lost in my own little world?

I shot out of my chair and grabbed Sam's arm as Brad disappeared out the door. "Where are you going?"

She glared at me. "Out. With Brad."

My skin crawled. "Why?"

"What are you, my mother? Let go of me!"

She shook me off but I continued. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"It's called a couple friends at a movie, Benson," she snarled. "Not a romantic dinner for two."

_Yet…_

"I just don't think that now's the best time to be-"

"Save your fake concern for someone who actually cares." Her back suddenly stiffened and her head snapped to the side, as if she was listening to someone.

I watched carefully. "Sam?"

* * *

SAM POV

"_Go on, Sam. It's my birthday…let it be a new beginning for you."_

I whipped my head to the right, but Carly wasn't there. "She wants me to go," I said, more to myself than to anyone else.

"Who?"

Chiz. "None of your business." I turned around to go out the door when he grabbed me again.

"_WHAT_?" I shrieked, giving him the fiercest look I could manage.

"I really don't think you should go." I could now clearly see the crimson imprint that my hand had left on his face.

"And you think I care? What I do is my business and what you do is yours. And that's how it's always gonna be."

And with that I left.

* * *

**I'M FINALLY SEVENTEEN! Since, like, a couple weeks ago. Ah, sorry; just had to get that out of my system.**

**Oh, and by the way, I decided to include Brad in the story WAY before the promo for iOMG came out. So yeah, I didn't copy that idea or anything. A few people know that already. And remember that iOMG never happened…so Brad was never an intern for the webshow.**

'**Kaitley', 'alwayssmiling11', 'mamaluvsangst', 'LyshaLuvsSeddie', 'Kpfan72491', 'SeddierFTW', 'SeDdIeLuVeR13', 'PurpleJerk', '214', 'Gina', 'Cassie', 'ArashiKage Naruto', 'pjsandwitch', 'Emelly', 'Geekquality', 'TeenageVampyre', 'Anon075', 'Kagome51', 'xxTeamAlicexx', and an anonymous reviewer are all my heroes. Besides Spongebob and Goopy Gilbert, of course =] THANK YOU. I don't think you know how much your reviews and condolences mean to me.**

**anonymous reviewer - thanks!**

'**Gina' - thank you so much!**

'**Cassie' - thank you! yeah, I just saw it and practically passed out from the awesomeness =]**

'**Emelly' - wow, thanks so much! glad you think so!**


	20. Chapter 20: Birth of a Mirage

**So it's been over two months. Please. Don't. Kill. Me. My life's been a wreck. I can't say that I'm sorry or that I don't own iCarly enough.**

"**All the Same" by Sick Puppies and "Any Other Name" by Thomas Newman. These songs are CRUCIAL. R&R!**

* * *

FREDDIE POV

What I do is my business.

I thought that to myself. Multiple times. The stupid paper cut on my middle finger throbbed as I delicately grazed the keys and watched the words appear on the screen.

Since what I did was my business, she didn't need to know. And since her life was in her hands, I wasn't doing this for her.

Right?

* * *

SAM POV

"So, did you like it?"

I gave him a sly grin. "The movie or the fudge?"

"I think I know your answer to the second one," he replied, folding his arms across his chest. "At least, it better be what I think it is."

I laughed, indicating that he was right; his fudge was fan_tas_tic. "So…did you?"

I bit my lip, trying to keep a smile from forming. But it didn't work, and when we looked at each other, we just busted up.

"It's okay, just say it," he continued, grinning, as my face heated up.

I shrugged. "Alright, well, it was a chick flick for one thing. Every scene had either a make-out, a make-up, or a break-up. And that's all I have to say."

"Yeah…sorry about that."

I shrugged again and wondered why I was shrugging so much. And why my face had turned red a moment ago. And why Brad's fudge seemed a whole lot better now than it did all those months ago.

The elevator door finally opened and we strolled onto the eighth floor of Bushwell Plaza. "You know, Carly sometimes liked watching those movies."

I immediately felt him stiffen beside me.

"It was cliché and all, but it was pretty entertaining making fun of them."

He stopped walking, so I did the same and turned toward him. "What?"

His brow furrowed and formed an expression that I thought was both amusing and disconcerting at the same time. "Why do you do that?"

I realized that I was examining the features of his face and stopped, forcing myself to look him in the eye. "Do what?"

"I dunno, torture yourself I guess. You keep bringing her up."

"Who, Car-?"

"Yeah."

I was silent for a moment, reflecting back on the various times that night that he'd acted weird every time that I talked about Carly. "I…uh, I didn't mean…I wasn't really tortu-"

"I just don't like seeing you like that." He brought a hand to my shoulder and my skin instantly burst into flames. "Promise you'll stop?"

_Stop what?_ I wanted to ask, but for some reason couldn't form the words. I simply nodded.

Brad gave me a small smile and started walking again. I followed him like a lost puppy. Lame simile, I know, but it was true.

"Why am I dropping you off at Spencer's again?"

I shrugged and then inwardly cursed at myself for doing it again. "I hate my mom."

"Ah." We stopped in front of the door. "Well if you ever need a place to crash, you know who to call."

I let half of my mouth curve into a grin. "And if you need someone to eat your fudge…"

"I'll put you on speed-dial," he responded, chuckling. "Night, Sam. See you later."

And before I could reply, his arms were around me. And before I could process the fact that he was hugging me, they had let me go.

We laughed awkwardly and he walked away as I fumbled with my speech, trying to come up with some sort of goodbye. But I couldn't, really. _Man, I'm such a flake._

I opened the door to Carly's…well…Spencer's apartment and immediately saw him looking dazed with a fire extinguisher in hand, white smoke swirling around him and a black mess sizzling on the kitchen table. I stopped in my tracks, gave him a look, and raised an eyebrow.

"It…it was supposed to be a Baked Alaska…" His eyes opened wider, as if that would prove his point.

"Right. I'm going to change and crash for the night." I made my way to the stairs, but Spencer's voice stopped me.

"How'd it go?"

"How'd what go?"

He set the fire extinguisher down and rocked from side to side like a little kid. "Ya know…your thing…with Brad…"

My arms folded across my chest. "How did you hear about it?"

"Freddie."

"He's impossible," I grumbled, my hands curling into tight fists. That kid just couldn't keep his face out of my business, could he.

"So…"

"It was fine, alright? It wasn't a date or anything! Just two friends… going out." I continued to make my way up the stairs, huffing and puffing like a hormonal teenage idiot. "Why does everything have to be _such_ a big deal? It's late, I'm tired, and all people care about is butting into other people's personal lives and it's just stupid and annoying and…"

I stopped mid-step and risked a glance at Spencer, who was pretty much just standing there and staring at me. Relieved to feel the pangs of my conscience again, I went back down the stairs and into Spencer's warm body, wrapping my arms around his back. "Sorry, Spence."

He snorted. "Moody, much?" We let go of each other and all of those pathetic feelings of admiration and gratitude for his support after…everything…came back full-force. My big brother.

"Eh, you know. Night."

"Night."

So I went back up the stairs _again_, this time making it all the way up and to the bathroom where I changed clothes, slopped some toothpaste on my toothbrush, and began scrubbing.

I became fascinated with my reflection in the mirror. I noticed how my auburn hair fell around the somewhat low-cut shirt I was wearing and cradled the area around the small dark mole on the skin over my left collarbone. My face seemed narrower than usual. My skin was a little paler than normal too, but maybe that was just because of the contrast between it and the darker shade of my hair.

Then I realized something. I felt…oddly happy. And it wasn't just because of Brad's fudge, which was a lot better than a ton of stuff I've shoved in my mouth. For one night, I was with someone who didn't constantly bring back memories of Carly. He was a nice relief from my usual environment, like a random gust of cold air, to attempt another pitiful smile. It was different. Comfortable. It was like I could relax and just breathe again. He told me to stop thinking about the past, and maybe that would be better for me in the long run.

A life without Carly. That I would have to, and could, deal with.

* * *

FREDDIE POV; THE NEXT DAY

I hid the envelope from my mother's view when I slipped out the front door, crossed the hallway in one stride, and knocked on Spencer's door. That's when I realized…

Since when do I knock?

The door was unlocked, so I simply turned the handle and walked right in. "Spen-"

Hmm. Not who I expected to see.

I stopped when I saw Sam and Brad on the couch laughing their chizz off at something on a laptop on Brad's lap. His right arm cradled the back of the couch behind Sam, and as she laughed, she unconsciously leaned toward Brad's midsection. I had a sudden nauseating feeling.

"Yo…Is Spencer around?" I found my voice after a moment or so.

Brad's laptop emitted a staticky sound of what seemed like laughter and applause. It took Brad a shorter amount of time to stop laughing, so he acknowledged my presence first. "Oh, hey man!"

Sam took a break from her hysterics to see who he was talking to. She saw me and her smile instantly faltered and vanished. But it wasn't long before whatever was on the computer screen made her bust up all over again.

I approached the couch cautiously. "What're you guys doing?"

"Watching 'Whose Line Is It Anyway'," Brad responded after another round of chuckles. "Have you heard of it?"

It didn't ring a bell. "Sure." Brad paused the video and Sam tore her gaze away from the screen long enough to glance at me and what was in my hand. I immediately shoved the envelope in my back pocket out of her view.

"So is Spencer around?" I repeated.

"Nah, he's getting some stuff for his next sculpture," Brad, yet again, replied. Sam avoided my gaze throughout the whole exchange. It was strange; I couldn't read her this time. I couldn't tell if she was angry or felt guilty or just intimidated by my presence. That made the tips of my fingers itch. I could always read her before. Man, this was frustrating. Something was different about her, though; I knew that much.

"Uh, Freddie?"

I blinked and stopped staring at the strange girl with the auburn hair. And then I randomly saw the similarity between the color of her hair and Brad's. Funny how the brain links things together.

"Freddie?" Brad said again for the umpteenth time.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"You want me to tell Spencer you were looking for him when he gets back?"

I might sound cynical when I say this, but the helpful tone in his voice made me sick. I glanced at Sam again, who was looking everywhere but in my direction, and something inside me clicked. No, no I don't want you to, Brad.

"Nah, I'll catch him later. See you." I gave him a tight grin and walked briskly out before he could reply.

I pushed the door closed behind me somewhat forcefully and walked purposefully down the hallway toward the elevator and punched the down button. I retrieved the sealed envelope from my pocket and fingered the already bent corners.

No, I didn't need Spencer's permission or approval for this.

* * *

**Hmm…what could Freddie be up to? :) **

**NEXT UPDATE WILL BE SOON! The end of the chaos in my life is finally in sight after sending in 3 of my 5 college apps. Maybe if you motivate me by reviewing (cough, cough, AHEM…excuse me) I'll get the next chap up next Saturday. Purdy pwease?**

'**LyshaLuvsSeddie', 'mortalimortality', 'DevotedReader07', 'Geekquality', 'SarahBear22', 'PurpleJerk', 'Kpfan72491', 'vleroy728', 'alwayssmiling11', 'Mushiii', 'ShadowFlame157', 'SeddierFTW', 'SeDdIeLuVeR13', 'Luna188' (x6), 'Gina', 'seddieluver822', and 'TeenageVampyre'. Thanks for not giving up on me and encouraging me and all that cliché stuff by reviewing. But I mean it and all of that other cliché stuff too.**

'**Mushiii' - thanks so much! I tried my best! **

'**ShadowFlame157' - wow, I'm so glad! well, not that I made you cry, but that you liked it and…yeah, you know what I mean :) thank you!**

'**Gina' - Thanks so much! Well, I kinda failed at the quick update part, but, yeah… :)**


	21. Chapter 21: Spark

**Ahh, sent in my fourth college app and in the middle of a five-day weekend. Life is gooooood. Except for the fact that I'm VERY sick. Of course.**

**I noticed a typo in the last chap near the end of SAM POV. It should be: "…to attempt another pitiful **_**simile**_**." I'm embarrassed.**

**Chapter Twenty-One, hope you like! R&R! The songs are "Center of Attention" by Jackson Waters and "Down" by Jason Walker. The version of "C.O.A." that you should listen to has the 'oooo-oooh's in them. :) Beeyootiful song.**

* * *

ONE WEEK LATER; FREDDIE POV

It's like everywhere I looked, Sam was there. And wherever she was, Brad was.

And it was driving me _nuts_.

Why and how had they suddenly become so close? I didn't think Brad's fudge had _that_ much of an effect on her. But apparently, it had.

It seemed like every day they were doing something together, whether it was a movie, a brief snack at the Groovy Smoothie, or just doing whatever in Spencer's apartment. I pretty much did nothing that entire week; I didn't really have any other friends, and I avoided going over to Spencer's place since _they_ were probably there, having a good old time. My mother almost called a shrink again when she noticed my anti-socialness, but you know. That's just her.

So one day, I just decided to go on a date with myself at the Groovy Smoothie. But when I pushed in the door and was greeted by a refreshing burst of air conditioning, an obvious paradise compared to the sweltering August heat outside, I was greeted by another rather unpleasant sight.

I turned on my heel and was about to walk back outside, but I heard his voice call, "Yo, Freddie! Over here, man!"

Chiz.

Forcing a smile, I whirled back around. "Hey Brad, how's it going?"

"Great, how are you?"

How do you _think_ I'm doing?

"Fine, fine." I plopped down on the seat farthest away from him at the table. "Are you here with Sam or something?"

"No…why?"

I snorted. "You guys have been hanging out all the time recently, that's all."

He shrugged and took another sip of his smoothie. "She's a cool girl. It's nice getting to know her more."

Why did he have to be such a nice guy? I wasn't sure if that made it harder or easier to hate his guts for no apparent reason.

"So are you two going out or something?" I oh-so-inconspicuously asked. That's me. Smoooooth Freddie.

He practically choked on his drink. "Huh?" I almost laughed at the expression on his face.

My shoulders rose up and crashed back down. "I don't know, just thought I'd ask." A little relief crept in my chest when I saw that his intentions weren't to- -

"Now that you mention it, I was going to ask her out. You know, in that way."

If I had a drink, I'd probably have sprayed it all over his face out of shock.

"Do you think she'll say yes?" he continued, as if his first statement wasn't enough.

Now observe as the Freddie-master talks his way out of this one.

"Um, ah…well- -I'm gonna get a smoothie; I'll be right back." I bolted out my seat and dashed toward T-Bo, who was preparing some eggplant parmesan on a stick. "Large blueberry blitz, T-Bo."

"You wanna buy some-"

"NO."

He put his hands up in surrender and rushed to get my smoothie ready.

What should I say? _Yeah, go for it Brad. She'd be ecstatic._ Or how about the complete opposite, like _Are you kidding? You want her to spit cheeseballs in your face?_

I liked the second option a whole lot better.

But after I paid for my drink and made my way back to the table, I re-thought my response.

Why was I getting so bothered by this? Was it because I was assuming a brotherly role or something? Maybe I was becoming over-protective of Sam. But wasn't that Spencer's job? Or her mother's?

Well, probably not her mother's, but you should know what I'm getting at.

So I felt a little tug in my chest when I sat down and replied, "Yeah, sure. She'll say yes."

He looked up from his smoothie and said, "What?"

Really? I have to say that again?

"Go ahead and ask Sam out. I think she'd be happy." Happy. Hmm. I guess it was for the best, then.

"Sweet, thanks man." He took a final slurp and stood up. "Well, wish me luck!"

He tossed his cup away and left the Groovy Smoothie. I just sat at the table by myself, swirling the contents of my smoothie around with my straw, and wondered what the heck just happened.

* * *

SAM POV

_sam, wld u just answr me? come home, we need 2 tlk._

I deleted another one of my mother's texts and tossed my phone on the couch, observing as it fell in between the couch cushions and disappeared out of view. Take that, "Mom".

There was nothing to do around here. I mean sure, Spencer was around, but after a while it was hard to find anything new to talk about. I was desperate for something to do; preferably something that involved eating and not a lot of moving.

So when I heard the knock on Spencer's front door, I practically tripped over the coffee table to answer it. I felt an automatic twinge in my chest at the sight of Brad standing in the doorway. "Hey! I'm kinda glad you're here."

I saw him grin sheepishly as he walked in. "And why's that?"

I groaned. "I'm so BORED!"

He chuckled and looked down, fiddling with his hands. What was up with him?

"Hey, um, since you're bored, do you wanna…I don't know, go out tonight?"

Finally, something to do! "Sounds cool. Where?"

He finally made eye contact. "I mean, like, uh…somewhere nice…maybe…uh…"

And then I got it. And I couldn't stop smiling.

I nudged him teasingly. "You mean like…a date?" Wow, that word sounded so cliché coming out of my mouth, but I sure as chiz didn't mind that at all.

He laughed. "Yeah."

"I could go for Italian."

He laughed again, probably relieved that the asking-me-out-on-a-date stage was over. "Petrozini's it is!"

"Woo!" I snatched my coat off the floor, ignoring my vibrating phone somewhere in the couch. "Let's go!" I turned my head and shouted into the apartment, "Spencer, Brad and I are leaving!" I heard an unintelligible yell-like response coming from the depths of his room.

Brad glanced at his watch. "It's only four."

I shrugged. "Every time's meal time, my good sir. Now our lack of reservations shouldn't be a problem."

He just smiled at me, and that made my world a shade brighter. "You're awesome, you know that?"

I cheesily linked an arm through his and shut the door behind us. "Duh."

* * *

TWO WEEKS LATER; FREDDIE POV

"FREDWARD BENSON!"

I turned off the TV in the living room, groaned, and slapped a hand to my forehead. "Yeah, Mom?" I really wasn't in the mood to deal with whatever she was flipping out about at the moment.

She stampeded into the room, furiously waving around a now crumpled sheet of paper in her fist. Her face was such a deep shade of scarlet that at first I thought that she was having a stroke or something. "What is _THIS_?"

I squinted, trying to see the piece of paper she was brandishing. A typed letter…some fancy signature at the bottom…UC Irvine's insignia at the top…

My heart stopped. Uh-oh.

* * *

NORMAL POV

The auburn-haired girl had a permanent smile plastered on her face as she approached the front door after her date. She loved the fact that she'd lost count on how many she'd been on with him. She loved the fact that she was happy and wasn't thinking about…the past.

She had her hand on the handle and was about to turn it when she heard voices from the other apartment. Angry voices. She recognized both immediately.

"Fredward! How could you?"

"It's my life! I make my _own_ decisions!"

She pressed her ear to the door when the voices started to get more muffled.

"Not on something like _THIS!_ Did you honestly think you would get away with it?_"_

"I'm just asking for a year off! It's not like I'm never going to college!"

The girl's mouth dropped. He did _not._

"You never _ASKED!_ You sent the Admissions Office a letter telling them you weren't going without even consulting me! I'm not getting the tuition money back! I'm not getting room and board or meal-plan money back! How inconsiderate and irresponsible _are_ you?"

He _DID._ She didn't know what to think or feel.

She heard his voice again. "You know what? I don't need this! I'm eighteen! I should be moving out, getting my _own_ place, and running my _own_ life!"

"Freddie-bear- -"

"No! I'm done!"

She leapt back when she felt the loud steps approaching and just stared at the dark-haired boy as the door exploded open and slammed behind him.

When he saw her standing there, he froze. After a long, silent moment, her mouth opened to speak.

* * *

**Yeah, I've obviously let up on the Sam&Freddie scenes in the story recently, but as you can tell, there's a whole lot of that to come next chapter. So review to motivate me to get it up next Saturday! (hint, hint)**

**Who do you guys ship on One Tree Hill? I've just started watching it…all I know is that I LOVE Brooke and I HATE Peyton. I LOVE Brooke&Julian and I DESPISE Peyton&Lucas. Sophia Bush is SUCH an amazing actress…she makes me cry! And I do NOT cry!**

**A huge thanks to 'Bazynga', 'SeddierFTW', 'SeDdIeLuVeR13', 'iBlowDandelions', 'Geekquality', 'seddieluver822', 'DevotedReader07', 'SarahBear22', 'Kpfan72491', 'TeenageVampyre', 'Anon075', 'Nashia23', 'Julefor', 'vleroy728', and 'seddiesmyfav' for reviewing, as always. You make this story possible. Really.**


	22. Chapter 22: Martyr

**GAHHH! I'M SORRY! I deviated from my Saturday schedule! Please forgive me…life getting in the way as usual, with work, school, and college stuff. Anyway, I hope you enjoy and R&R! The songs this time are "Bedshaped" by Keane and "Heartlines" by Florence and the Machine. [As if any of you guys actually listen to them, haha] These two are so haunting and beautiful though…please give them a shot.**

* * *

FREDDIE POV

"You did _not_."

"What?"

"I'm not _deaf_, Freddie." Her arms folded across her chest. "Or stupid."

"I never said you were."

She threw her arms up in the air this time. "There you go again! I can read between the lines, you idiot. I might not actually read, but I'm pretty good at knowing stuff when it counts."

I hated it when she talked like that. She didn't say it outright; she expected people to just get what she meant, to read her mind. It turned out that I was a little out of practice doing that.

"You know what? I want to know why." I felt my voice rise and brought it back down.

"Why _what_?"

"Why do you care so much?" I let out a dry laugh. "Better yet, why do you even care at all?"

"Care about what, dorkwad?"

I shook my head and looked down the hall. "You obviously haven't outgrown the nicknames."

"Your point?"

And that's when I realized what she was wearing.

"Why are you dressed so nice?"

She scowled. "One insulting question at a time, please."

This was all moving too fast. I took a breath. Slow it down. Slow…

"Sam," I began, just by saying her name. I saw something in her jaw twitch. Another breath. "Why do you care if I- -"

"I think your original question was why I care."

I was confused. "Uh, yeah…"

"At all."

And _then_ I got it.

"Oh come _on_, you _know_ that's not what I meant."

She laughed, but it was one of _those_ laughs. "Give me a break. You've thought that since the day you met me!"

I gestured like mad, as if my hands could convey what I obviously wasn't getting through to her. "Okay, I'm not even going to respond to that."

She rolled her eyes. "Alright, let's move on to insulting question number two, shall we?"

"No. Why do you care that I'm not going to college?"

"We've been through this!" she bursted out. "I don't need you giving up your life just because you think I'd be happier if you did! I told you I'd do just fine if you were gone!"

"Have you ever thought for a second that maybe I didn't do this for you?" I interrupted, outraged at the fact that I was stung.

Her open mouth slammed shut. I guess not.

"You know, the world doesn't revolve around Sam Puckett! Not everything is about you! You take everything so literally and offensively that it's impossible to even have a decent conversation with you!" I felt like such an Italian as my hands went berserk in the air. "I ask you why you care that I'm staying and you accuse me of implying that you're some heartless witch who doesn't care about anything or anyone!"

She was strangely calm. I decided to switch the focus and tone of my rant.

"It's like you enjoy pain. You want to be the martyr of something that I just don't get." I took a step towards her. "Help me understand. What do you _want_ from me?"

Sam was silent for a moment. "Nothing," she half-whispered. She looked me dead in the eye. "Nothing at all." She turned around to go into Spencer's apartment, but I wasn't about to let that happen.

I grabbed the handle and pulled the opening door back shut. She withdrew her hand from under mine as if it was ice.

"Stop it, Sam; you're doing it again." Her face was a mere foot away from mine, so I kept my voice low. "You're pushing me away. Tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it."

She didn't hesitate at all. "I want you to leave."

I couldn't get through to her. "That's not happening and you know it."

She gave me an incredulous look. "What do _I_ want from _you_?" Her right hand rose and she jabbed her finger in my chest. "What about what _you_ want from _me_? I gave you an answer. You said you'd do what I asked."

"You want me to leave right now? Fine. But it's too late for me to leave for college; that's not going to change."

We both looked at each other in silence for a moment, letting my last sentence sink in. Then I spoke up again. "Can I just ask you something?"

She waited a second. "Fine."

"Do you still…see her?" I held my breath.

"Stop talking in riddles, Freddie. See who?"

Just rip it off like a Band-Aid, Fredward. "Carly."

She looked genuinely confused. "Carly?"

I almost fell over. She didn't know who I was talking about?

"Yes, Carly," I repeated firmly. "Our Carly."

She looked at me as if _I_ was the crazy one. "No…"

What was going _on _with her?

"Night," she curtly blurted and turned to open the door to Spencer's apartment again. I knew nothing I would say would change anything just then, so I started walking down the hallway towards the elevator.

I heard her voice, so soft but so loud. "Where are you going?"

I stopped. "I don't know, obviously not back in there," I said, jerking my head in the direction of my old home.

"Where are you gonna sleep?"

I shrugged. "Wherever." Maybe I'd go to the park, sleep on a bench, and pray not to get mugged or something.

I saw her chew on her lower lip. Holding open Spencer's door, she ordered, "Get in here."

I obeyed, but was confused when she walked out and started in the same direction that I was going down the hallway. "Wait, where are _you_ going?"

Sam briefly turned her head around to look at me. "Brad's."

She didn't even want to be near me.

Before I closed the door, I saw her shake her head as she disappeared down the hall and mutter, "Yeah, and _I'm _the martyr."

* * *

"_It's always darkest before the dawn…"_

* * *

SAM POV

He opened the front door, and I never felt more relieved in my life to see my boyfriend in his T-shirt and plaid pajama pants. I smiled wanly. "Remember the time you said if I needed a place to crash…?"

Brad grinned and I let his arm hang around my shoulder. "Come on in."

Closing the door behind us, he asked, "What's wrong?"

I scowled. "It's stupid."

I felt his lips touch my forehead. "Tell me anyway."

So I caved. "Freddie. He's being a hobknocker."

He tried but failed to hold in his laughter. "Sorry, sorry…" he said when I gave him a look. "You wanna talk about it?"

I shrugged and leaned my cheek against his chest as he walked me up the stairs and into his room. "Something about college, and caring, and being self-centered, and Carly-"

"Hey," he interrupted. My heart leapt into my throat. I'd promised to stop doing that.

"Sorry."

His jade-shaded irises barreled into mine, and I felt his hand cup my left cheek. What he said next broke whatever internal strength I had left that night.

"I love you."

Shock. Fear. I was falling. I couldn't feel the floor underneath my feet, and I couldn't breathe.

"I-" I managed after a while, my voice cracking awfully. I saw him smile and vaguely felt his hand leave my cheek to tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear. "You don't have to say anything, you know," he began. "I'd never expect you to say it back. I just wanted you to know."

I swallowed and nodded. "Okay."

I felt numb everywhere. I still felt that irrational terror racing through my veins, my heart pounding in my ears. I couldn't understand why I was so scared. My boyfriend just told me he loved me.

So what?

I didn't know if I could say it back. And that made me feel guiltier than all the times I'd blamed myself for Carly's death.

And that scared me even more.

* * *

SAM POV; THE NEXT MORNING

The light coming in through the windows pried my eyes open, and my sight immediately presented the clock on Brad's nightstand. 10:37 AM.

I slid my legs out from under the covers of his bed and let my toes graze the cold carpet. I saw a wisp of hair on the ground near the foot of the bed and smiled.

Tiptoeing a few steps, I crouched down and watched Brad as he slept so peacefully on the floor. A flashback of the night before instantly attacked me.

_I love you._

I could function normally now, heart beating regularly and breathing like an average person. I didn't feel like I was falling off a cliff. I wasn't numb to every sensation that came into my contact.

I felt loved. And that was what I wanted.

I lifted the blanket that hung over his body and slipped under it next to him, lightly bumping against his chest as I lied on the carpet. His eyes fluttered open, and he grinned when he saw me. "Hey, you."

"Yup, me," I responded.

"Hey, about last night…" he began. "I didn't mean to-"

"Brad?" I interrupted. He shut up.

"Thank you."

I wasn't sure if he understood, but I didn't care all that much when I felt him sigh against my shoulder and his warm hands pull me closer.

* * *

**Man, this took me **_**forever**_** to write. Major writer's block. And if you felt depressed while reading this, don't worry; I felt depressed just writing all the angry S&F scenes and lovey dovey S&B scenes…but trust me; it's necessary! A lotta good stuff to come.**

**Thank youuuuu 'LyshaLuvsSeddie', 'DevotedReader07', 'seddieluver822', 'Kpfan72491', 'seddiesmyfav', 'SarahBear22', 'SeddierFTW', 'vleroy728', 'Geekquality', 'belloftheballinbluejeans', 'alwayssmiling11' (x2), 'TeenageVampyre', 'Th3 R3aD3r', 'Bazynga', 'SeDdIeLuVeR13', and two anonymous reviewers. You make my dreams come true, well, well you, you make my dreams come true…hehe that song is awesome; anyone know it? Yeah, I'm weird. Sorry.**

**Anonymous Reviewer - aw, thank you so much! and thanks for sharing your OTH opinion :)**

**Anonymous Reviewer #2 - I'm so sorry! yesterday I had to work overtime at my job, spend hours with a tutor on some essays of mine, help out my folks…I feel so guilty. but I appreciate your interest in my story, believe me :)**


	23. Chapter 23: End of a Beginning

**Sorry I didn't update last week; I found out that I got rejected from Stanford and was/am beyond devastated. **

**The songs are "Art of War" by Anberlin and "Heavy In Your Arms" by Florence and the Machine. I don't own iCarly. Please R&R.**

* * *

NORMAL POV

It was perfect. She was perfect.

The more he thought about it, the more he realized that all of the pieces fell into place after the whole "living in the past" conflict was resolved. Now he was dating an amazing girl who made him feel…well, amazing. He told her he loved her, didn't he?

But as he thought more, doubts emerged with renewed strength. What if that changed? What if her slip-ups became more frequent? Could he handle those accidents? Or would the infrequent mistakes remind him of the pain of losing Carly too much?

He was devastated by her death. Granted, he'd only met her for ten minutes or so at the interview to be iCarly's intern, but he'd been following the webshow for years. While he loved Sam, he couldn't handle her reminding him of Carly all the time. Something had to go.

So if those mistakes became regular…would he still love her?

* * *

SAM POV; TWO WEEKS LATER

Summer was ending and the leaves were starting to change as August molded into September. Although the days were getting a little shorter, I was happy. I was still living at Spencer's, still had an awesome boyfriend, and still happily ignored my mother. Freddie and I were…well, distant. I think he acknowledged the fact that I was happy for the first time in a while and left it at that. He actually moved out of Crazy's apartment and got one of his own in the city. I was still surprised that he had the guts to actually do it. That argument with his mom must have been something. But anyway.

Spencer was doing something with Socko, and I'd gotten ready for another date with Brad and was watching Girly Cow in the living room waiting for him to pick me up. We practically spent every moment together, but I had nothing better to do, and he sure didn't mind having me for company. He'd recently started college at the University of Washington in Seattle, so he didn't have a completely empty schedule like he used to. So yeah, I'll admit I was anxious for him to get to Spencer's apartment to take me out for dinner or something.

I heard the knock on the door, instantly shot up from the couch, punched the 'Off' button on the TV remote, and stumbed to the door all in one second.

"I said you didn't have to knock-"

I froze. It wasn't Brad.

"Hi…" the woman began hesitantly. "It's been a while, but I figured out your real name…and I needed to tell you something…"

Eyes. Glass eyes. Black glass eyes. They were coming back.

"The night of the accident…" the woman continued. "That man in the SUV was my husband."

The white shards of teeth revealed by that malicious smile. The animal-like claws. The glossy body of a vulture.

"And…you're Sam. Sam Puckett, right?"

Carly was back.

She hovered behind the woman standing in the doorway, giving me that evil smile, letting the black glass seep into my eyes, into my chest, into my soul. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move, think, speak. The woman continued emitting words, but I couldn't hear her.

But when Carly began floating through the woman to get to me, the beak of a vulture already forming, I reacted. I slammed the door in Sue Chamber's face and stumbled blindly away from the door as Carly passed through it and approached me.

Stairs. To my left.

Tears began to stream down my face. She was the vulture with red demon eyes again, following me, teasing me by not catching me when she could. As I crawled up the stairs, she was above me, cackling and mocking my panic.

I struggled to open the door to the room suddenly made available to me, the vulture's hot breath disintegrating on the back of my neck. I almost had a heart attack when I realized I'd found my way to the old studio where iCarly used to happen._ She led me here. She's back._

And when I crawled my way to the wall, pushing myself up against a corner trying to shield myself in any way humanly possible, Carly loomed closer, her eyes glowing scarlet, beak sharp, claws even sharper.

That's when the pain really started.

* * *

NORMAL POV

Sam had told him not to knock anymore, so at the last second he pulled his hand away from the door and just walked right in. He was confused when she wasn't in the living room waiting for him.

Brad was about to call out her name when he heard the first scream. And then another. Upstairs.

He was terrified, tripping over a step as he tried to get up the stairs as quickly as he could. Did someone get into the apartment? Was he hurting Sam?

Brad's ears led him to the studio, and there she was, cowering in a corner, gouges all over her arms and face. No one else in the room. Not a soul.

"Sam!" Her head snapped up to look at him when he approached her. "What happened to you? What's wrong?"

She continued to sob, and Brad wanted to cry himself. "What happened?"

"Carly…"

His hand froze, in the middle of rubbing her back in a pathetic attempt to comfort her.

Heart breaking, his worst fears were realized. He couldn't do it anymore.

* * *

SAM POV

It probably took Brad ten minutes to get me to stop crying. Carly had disappeared, and once a feeling of safety returned, I let myself relax into his hold, sobs subsiding into sighs and shudders. Once he'd shushed me to silence, he began to speak.

"Sam, what happened to your face? And your arms! Did you do this?"

I leaned against him, violently shaking my head. "No…Carly came…a-and…"

"Sssh, stop." I thought they were words of comfort, but I was wrong.

"Carly's dead, Sam. I told you to let go of the past." His eyes searched mine. "Look at what it's doing to you. Look at what it's doing to us."

_What are you talking about?_ I wanted so desperately to ask him, but I couldn't form the words.

"I don't think this is going to work out."

My heart stopped. He couldn't be…

"What?" my voice cracked out.

"I think we should stop seeing each other."

_What does you not believing me have to do with us? Why can't I talk to you about the one thing that still haunts me? Why are you doing this to me? Why _now_?_

"Brad-"

"I'm sorry," he interrupted. I was broken, and he didn't seem to care. "I love you, but I just can't do this."

_You love me? You LOVE me? Then why are you doing this?_

"I love you …" he repeated over and over as he buried his face in my hair and wrapped me in his arms. "I love you…" _No, you don't._ "I love you…"_ Stop._ "I love you…" _STOP._ "I lo-"

"STOP!" I suddenly exploded, the sound of my voice surprising even myself. Brad jerked away from me, like he'd been burned. He looked at my pathetic figure, curled up in the corner, shattered, destroyed, empty of all matter.

And he just left.

* * *

"_There are songs I'll never write, because of you walking out of my life…"_

* * *

FREDDIE POV

I hadn't seen Sam since I'd moved into my new apartment. And we were still on bad terms, so I wanted to somehow make them right again.

I let myself in Spencer's apartment and looked around the kitchen. Hmm. It was dinnertime. Sam would be halfway inside the fridge, stuffing her face with frozen pizzas and ham, wouldn't she?

Then I heard a noise. A soft noise. A whimper, almost.

I walked back into the living room, cocking my head towards the sound. Then there was another muffled sob. Upstairs.

And up I went, more confused than ever. The door to the old studio was open, and now I clearly heard someone crying. I cautiously approached the doorway, not seeing anyone at first. But when I took a few steps inside the room and looked to the left, there she was. Curled up into a ball, face hidden in her knees, arms folded against her middle, body shuddering against the corner.

Sam.

"Sam?" I practically whispered.

She froze mid-sob, head surfacing out from between her legs, eyes wide. My heart stopped when I saw the open scratches on her face, and her crying stopped almost instantly when she saw that it was me. Almost as if she couldn't cry in front of me. As if that made her stronger.

I took a step forward, and her voice was raspy and sharp. "Get away from me."

Not this time.

"Sam…" Another step.

"Stop, I'm warning you."

A few more.

"I swear I'll kill you."

I noticed that she was trying so hard to keep it all in. I knew what I had to do.

I'd reached her by then and knelt down, lowering myself to her level. She went berserk; scratching me, punching me, clawing at me, pounding on my chest, tearing at my shirt, doing anything to get me away from her. I saw more gouges all over her arms. I felt sick. And it had nothing to do with her socking me in the gut multiple times.

I remained as solid as a rock, taking her blows one by one, each weakening as time dragged on. I stayed there, letting her beat the chiz out of me.

It took me completely by surprise. All at once, she cracked and burst into full-out sobs, crashing into my chest and throwing her arms around me so tightly that I couldn't breathe. It was like she was trying to bury herself inside of me, trying to crawl inside my body, trying to make herself smaller. I adjusted my position so that I was sitting down, my legs crossed in a loose Indian-style, and she crawled into my lap and cried her heart out, letting whatever she'd been holding back go. I held onto her, and she desperately clung onto me.

And she fit perfectly.

* * *

"_She thought that love was always watching…she thought that love was gonna save her…but love just never showed."_

* * *

**If I update next Saturday (the 24****th****) and the Saturday after that (the 31****st****), will you guys read? I know they're holidays and all…just wondering.**

**Thanks to those that reviewed last time: 'Nashia23', 'SarahBear22', 'seddiesmyfav', 'mortalimortality', 'Geekquality', 'SeddierFTW', 'alwayssmiling11', 'butterflylovesicarly', 'Kpfan72491', 'Th3 R3aD3r', 'SeDdIeLuVeR13', and 'Bazynga'. I REALLY appreciate the time and effort you take to review what I create.**


	24. Chapter 24: Elixir

**OVER 400 REVIEWS! And 23 reviews on the last chap! THANK YOU! Everyone's support and compliments make life a whole lot easier and happier. And, of course, it encourages me to keep this story going.**

**One song this time b/c it's so beautiful: "Colorblind" by Counting Crows. I stayed up until 4:30 this morning writing this, so make me smile…R&R!**

* * *

FREDDIE POV

Since Carly died in April, I've seen entirely different sides of Samantha Puckett.

One side was the whole physical thing, with the auburn hair, the thin scar on her cheek, and that sort of thing.

Now the new emotional and mental side of her was blasting me with full-force. Dependent. Vulnerable. Heartbroken. Destroyed.

In a way, I was prepared for it. But in many other ways, I wasn't.

So maybe I didn't hold her as tightly as I should have out of pure shock. Maybe I didn't soothingly rub her back like I should have. But she sure made up for that by clinging onto me like tomorrow wasn't coming.

The seconds ticked by, melting into minutes. I don't know how many; I don't even have an approximation. I don't really think it matters.

But when Sam finally stopped crying, we just sat there in silence for a few more seconds, or minutes…didn't matter. Time passed by.

I waited for her to begin talking, if that was what she wanted to do. And eventually, it was.

"Brad dumped me."

A tightness formed in my chest. I wondered if Sam felt it, since her left cheek was pressed against it.

A flash of horror and rage suddenly raced through me. "Did he…do this?" I asked hesitantly, lightly running my thumb across her bloody arms.

She shook her head against me. "No."

I breathed a little easier, but not by much. "Then…who did?"

I felt her mouth open, then close again. Her head shifted so she could finally look at me, and I tilted mine down to meet her halfway. Her eyes shimmered.

"I…I-I don't know, Freddie."

* * *

SAM POV

I closed my eyes when I felt a rough and calloused but gentle hand stroke my cheek. I let out a shaky breath and tried to relax, but I was so confused.

"You don't know?" his low voice dissolved into my eardrums.

I sighed. Maybe he would believe me. "Carly…I guess…"

I waited for him to tense up. When he didn't, something in me clicked. I fit my forehead against the crook of his neck and waited.

"You guess?" His voice was so soft that I wanted to just fall asleep right then and there. Or maybe my tears were just gluing my eyes shut.

"She came back…and I think she…but I don't know if it was her…maybe I…I…"

Just the thought made fear race in my veins. I think Freddie sensed it because I felt his arms tighten around me.

I opened my eyes and looked at my hands. I inspected my fingernails and drew a sharp breath when I realized what was under them. Dried blood and skin.

"What's wrong?"

A lone tear fell down my cheek, making my face sting. When I reached up to wipe it away, I felt the gouges on my skin. I whimpered.

"Sam?"

Had I completely _lost_ it? Was I just seeing things? Had I been seeing things this entire time? Which parts of my life were real and what had I just imagined?

"Am I crazy, Freddie?"

His chest rose and sunk back down when he let out a long breath. "You want an honest answer?"

I bit back a sarcastic retort when I realized that he had a point. "Yeah."

I felt his thumb make small circles on my lower back. "I think you've been through a lot."

In other words… yes? "Freddie, I don't want to be locked up in some mental ward."

"I won't let that happen," his soft whisper said, soothing my nerves. "Trust me."

* * *

FREDDIE POV; ONE HOUR LATER

I wanted her out of Spencer's apartment. I couldn't imagine how living in Carly's old home could be beneficial to Sam's…visions. So after cleaning up her wounds and helping her pack up her stuff, I was attempting again to take her back to where I thought she belonged.

"I don't know about this."

I expected as much. "I do. For real this time." She gave me a weak grin.

I put my car in park and turned off the ignition. "Ready?"

"No."

She got out anyway, and this time I went with her to the front door. I could tell she was pretty bugged out as she rang the doorbell, so I put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed lightly in an attempt to comfort her. She gave me another tired smile.

She looked at me for a while, and then opened her mouth to say something when her front door swung open. My hand dropped back to my side.

Sam tore her gaze away to look at her mother. "Hi, Mom. Can I…come in?"

It was strange seeing Pam smile. "Welcome home, Puckett."

* * *

SAM POV; THE NEXT MORNING

I knocked on the white door, slightly smiling at how weird it was that he had his own apartment now.

The door opened, and a frizzy-haired Freddie in pajamas with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth appeared. His eyebrows rose in slight surprise. "Oh, hey! Come in."

I did and took a seat on his couch when he returned to the bathroom to finish brushing his teeth. "So what happened to your Galaxy Wars PJs?"

"Hardy-har-har," he called through the open door. "Too small, got rid of 'em." I heard him spit in the sink and water run.

"That's a shame." I traced the scratches on my arms with my pointer finger.

"Yeah, I bet you're all broken up about it."

I didn't speak for a few moments, waiting for him to finish getting ready. I took the time to look around his new apartment. There were still a few unpacked boxes here and there, but the place looked pretty lived-in and comfortable.

"I'll be there in a sec," he called out, walking to his room.

"Yuh-huh." I heard some shuffling around. "So how's your mom taking all of this?"

His chuckle echoed in the apartment. "Some days are better than others."

"Fredward Benson: the rebel."

"Exactly." He walked in with dark jeans on and a black shirt in hand, fiddling around with it so he could put it on. I couldn't help but stare a little.

He finally found the neck hole, glanced up at me, paused, and grinned. "Like what you see?"

I snorted. "Just expected a nerdier set of abs, that's all."

Freddie's annoying smirk got wider. "So my abs are what, jock-like?"

I rolled my eyes. "Would you put the stupid shirt on?"

"You sure?"

I gave him a look, and he tugged it on over his head and sat down next to me. "So what's up?"

"I wanted to say, uh, thanks."

His eyebrows rose again. "For?"

"What a modest lad," I commented. "For taking me back to my own house. My mom and I are…okay now, I guess."

"Well that's good."

"Yeah. Now you just need to reconcile with Crazy."

He shrugged. "I doubt she'd be in any mood to do that any time soon."

I looked away. "You didn't need to do that, you know. Quit college. Move out."

I could feel his eyes studying me. "Yeah. Yeah, I did."

We were quiet for a moment until he spoke up again. "Can I ask you something?"

I made eye contact again. "Shoot."

"Why did Carly…come back yesterday?"

"Are you turning into my therapist or something?"

He half-smiled and shrugged.

I thought. "Well, it was right after my boss from California randomly showed up at the door."

"Susan?"

"Sue."

"Oh, right." He looked deep in thought.

"Why?"

"Just wondering."

I wasn't buying it, but I let it slide. "Do you ever think what could've been? Like, if you'd gone to college."

He shifted his position on the couch. "You're still on that, huh?"

I shrugged.

"What do you think would've happened?"

I shrugged again. "I dunno. Besides the school stuff, I mean. Like how the cliché people talk about finding your future spouse at college."

He smirked at me at my face flushed. "Like you said: it's just cliché talk. As if anyone would fall for a nub like me, right?"

"You got a point there."

He laughed. "What about you? Do you ever think about that kind of stuff?"

"You're kidding, right?"

"Why would I be?"

I snorted. "First of all, I would never get into college with my grades. Second of all…yeah, that's pretty much it."

"Well, do you ever think about meeting that 'special someone'?" His voice-change when he said the last two words made me laugh a little.

"Why are we even having this conversation?"

He put his hands up and chuckled. "Hey, you brought it up."

"Touché."

He elbowed me teasingly. "Answer the question, Puckett."

I shrugged again and made a mental note to quit doing that. "I dunno. It seems so far away, you know? But we're already eighteen, so it's not _that_ far off."

We grew silent after that. It didn't feel awkward to me, but maybe it was for him, so I stood up and made my way to the door.

"Good talk, Benson."

"You're leaving?"

Now it was my turn to give him a smirk. "Why, you want me to stay?"

"Nah. I just thought you would've wanted to be near my jock abs for a little longer."

His grin bugged me, so I punched his arm and walked out. "See ya."

"Later."

* * *

NORMAL POV; TWO HOURS LATER

She waits for the last minute to pass by, staring at herself in the mirror, towel wrapped around her head. She was both anxious and nervous to see the return to her old self.

With the quiet time, she allowed herself to daydream about the day before.

She saw his face, intent and focused and inches away from hers as he dressed the wounds on her cheeks. She relived the sensation of his soft fingers tracing the scratches, followed by a stinging from the alcohol swabs that made her wince and him apologize. She felt his hand on her arm, lightly dabbing with that stupid alcohol wipe. It took everything she had not to make a sound or a face, but he noticed. And he apologized.

He apologized.

The timer shrieked its end, causing her to jump and slam the stupid thing on the ground so that it broke and silenced. She fingered the towel.

And then she yanked it off.

* * *

**EHMAHGAWSH! SOMEONE TWEETED ABOUT MY STORY! This is huge for me, haha. Except I don't know who did or what they said…an anonymous reviewer just told me so. So if you know who did…or if **_**you**_** did…lemme know. B/c I love you. =D**

**REALLY big hugs go out to 'hartful13', 'SarahBear22', 'Geekquality', 'clarksonfan', 'LizzieLove Inc', 'BetterThanGold', 'seddieluver822', 'SeDdIeLuVeR13', 'TheWrtrInMe', 'LyshaLuvsSeddie', 'Kpfan72491', 'SeddierFTW', 'PurpleJerk', 'Bazynga', 'Julefor', 'seddiesmyfav', 'Danielle', 'GoingNuts', 'DevotedReader07', 'mortalimortality', 'Kayla13', and an anonymous reviewer.**

'**Danielle' - WHO! Who tweeted about it? haha, and thank you so much!**

**Anonymous Reviewer - thanks!**


	25. Chapter 25: Catapult

**Eeep! All your reviews mean the world to me. Thank youuu! **

**It's just that this week has been…difficult. The highlight of it was going to the ER because of my stupid stomach. I'm good now, though. So good that I wrote another chap! I'm posting so early in the morning b/c I have to work, then a doctor's appointment, then a tutor…bleh.**

**The songs are "Ordinary World" by Red and "Cactus in the Valley" by LIGHTS. Please listen to them! The lyrics are VERRRRY important. A huge shout-out to Pandora. And to Nerdy4mccurdy for tweeting about my story! woooop!**

* * *

SAM POV

Cloudy and brisk. My kinda Seattle.

As I stumbled out the front door and tugged the hood of my sweatshirt over my head, the back of my jeans vibrated. It took like ten seconds just to pull out my cell phone from the tiny pocket, so I was a little out of breath and ticked off when I got around to answering it.

"_What_?"

"Uh, Sam?"

"Spencer!" Oops. "Sorry, my phone was just being a butthead."

"Right…"

"Sorry I just bailed on you, by the way." A sudden gust of wind blew my hood off, so I yanked it back on. "I hope you aren't mad."

"Mad? Why would I be mad?" Good ol' Spencer.

"I dunno; I just randomly left your apartment without warning."

"Nah." His voice sounded so warm over the phone, which is not something many people can accomplish. "I think it's nice that you and your mom are cool again."

"Yeah. Well, not to be rude or anything, but did you call for anything specific?" I jaywalked across Fourth Avenue, almost tripped over the curb, and pathetically kicked it.

"Just to see how you were, what you've been up to, that sort of thing."

Something was off.

"Really?"

"Yeah…"

I was silent for a moment. "I'm fine."

"That's good."

"Uh-huh." I tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and scowled. Stupid ground.

"So Freddie tells me you guys are hanging out today."

I stopped walking. "Yeah…"

"That sounds fun."

"Yeah..." Why was he talking to me like I-

Oh.

OH.

"Spencer, I gotta go. Bye." I cut off his reply by punching the end button and turning my phone off entirely. I started to put it back in my pocket, remembered the dilemma I had a couple minutes before, and decided to put it in my sweatshirt. I continued walking.

"_Sam…"_

I almost stopped in my tracks again, but at the last second, I didn't. Because she wasn't real.

"_Sam, wait up!"_

Over my dead body.

I heard her laugh and bit my lip so hard that I almost cried out. _"I know you're hungry, but I'm paying. You have to wait for me!"_ She sounded so carefree, so…happy.

Her figure suddenly skipped its way into my view from behind. She turned around and walked backwards, still talking. _"Well someone's in a hurry."_ She smiled.

She wasn't real.

"_I don't think a smoothie is going to satisfy you this time, am I right?" _She giggled and tossed a lock of dark hair out of her face. _"Maybe T-Bo will have something on a stick for you."_

I couldn't help it. I smiled a little.

"_I was thinking about the next iCarly,"_ she went on. _"How about we do another 'Hey, What Am I Sitting On?' segment, but this time with yams?"_

I smiled again. "Or how about Freddie's face? And our contestant will be the world's fattest priest."

Her hands landed on her hips, but she was grinning. _"Of course,"_ she replied sarcastically.

Carly then looked off to her left. I looked to my right. Freddie's apartment complex. When I turned my head back, she had disappeared.

And the funny thing is, I missed her.

* * *

FREDDIE POV

I heard the knock and went to answer the door. Enter Sam, swallowed by a sweatshirt.

"Hey."

She didn't return the greeting. "I want to know what you told Spencer."

I paused, in the middle of grabbing my coat off the hook. "Uh, that we were hanging out today?"

"No." She folded her arms and sat on the arm of the couch. "About _me_."

"I'm not sure I know what you mean."

She sighed. "About my…condition."

Oh.

"I didn't say anything."

"Then why is he treating me like I'm mentally challenged or something?" she exclaimed, leaping back up. "Is that why my mom's being nice to me all of a sudden? This is why I will _not_ go to a mental ward. I won't do it! I won't!"

I could tell she was getting all worked up, and that needed to be put to an end. So I put a hand on her arm and talked in a low tone. "I know. You're not going anywhere, alright?"

Her shoulders sagged, the fight appearing to seep out of her bit by bit. "Okay."

I was quiet for a few seconds, then tossed my coat back onto the counter. "You wanna just hang out here today?"

"Okay."

I gave her a small smile and fingered the hood of her sweatshirt. When I slipped it off, I almost jumped back in surprise.

Her hair.

"Oh, yeah…" she mumbled, sheepishly digging the toe of her high-top into the carpet. "I changed it back. Does it look _that_ bad?"

I laughed and talked at the same time. "Are you kidding?" I fingered a lock of it and let it fall back on her shoulder. "I love it. Well done."

She snorted and plopped down on the couch. "Glad I have your approval, Sir Benson."

"Mhmm." I sat next to her. "So what do you wanna do?"

I sensed a hesitation, like she wanted to say something but decided against it. But when I was about to prompt it out of her, she blurted, "He said he loved me."

It got so quiet that you could hear a cotton ball drop, let alone a pin. After many seconds, I found my voice again. "Who did?"

"Brad."

And once more, that inexplicable feeling in my chest took hold, and it felt like my lungs were getting smaller and smaller by the second. _Inhale, exhale_.

"Maybe that's why I got so crazy when he left."

I took another deep breath but still regretted the subsequent words as they left my mouth. "Well, maybe you loved him back."

I glanced at her, and her eyebrows were knitted together, as if she were in deep thought. She slowly shook her head. "No, I don't think so."

My lungs got a little bigger. "Why not?"

She thought some more. "I think I was just so desperate to replace Carly, you know?" I nodded. "She was such a big part of my life…" She quickly glanced at me. "Our lives…" She shifted her position on the couch. "I guess it just felt nice to have someone care about me in…_that_ way."

"Do you miss him?" I suddenly asked, my voice cracking a little. I cleared my throat.

Sam seemed a little surprised and looked at me. A grin crept onto her face. "You really are turning into my therapist, aren't you?"

I smiled. "All that's missing is one of those lounge chairs for you to lie down on."

She shrugged, slid away from me on the couch, pivoted her body, rested her head on my thighs, and closed her eyes. "Better?"

Her blonde waves of hair were everywhere, falling over my knees and extending across the couch. "Much."

"I dunno, Dr. Benson. I don't think I miss him." She took a breath. "I miss Carly. He'd never let me talk about her."

I was confused. "Brad?"

"Yeah."

"Why not?"

She slowly opened her eyes. "I don't know, actually. It was hard, though. It's like I need to keep bringing her up to…uh…"

"Keep her alive?" I finished.

She gave me a sheepish grin. "Stupid, right?"

I shook my head. "No. A lot of people do that."

She must have noticed my disconcerted expression. "Please don't do anything."

"What do you mean?"

"Like, become all macho and beat…well at least try to…beat Brad up."

I cracked my knuckles and teased, "Aw, come on. I could take him. I was getting all excited."

Her face was serious, though. "Don't. Not even a-" she used air quotes, "-'little chat'. Got it?"

I hesitated. "Okay."

"Promise?"

I squeezed her shoulder. "You have my word."

She didn't respond, closing her eyes once again.

"Session's over, Ms. Puckett," I said after a while of silence.

Her eyes opened and she sat up. "Ooh, yay! Do I get a lollipop?"

"Better," I replied, walking over to my pantry in the kitchen. I got out the package. She came running.

"Fat cakes!" she shrieked, tearing open the wrapping and stuffing the food in her mouth. "Thank you thank you thank you! You have these here?"

I couldn't help but laugh as she wolfed down another bite. "Well, I knew you were coming over, so…yeah."

She was done with the fat cake by then, of course. Swallowing, she licked her fingers and said, "Maybe I should come over more often then."

When I snorted and started laughing, she gave me a questioning look. "What? Why's that funny?"

"You have powder all over your face," I managed after a few seconds.

"Oh." I reached over to the counter, ripped a paper towel off the roll, and started wiping her mouth.

"I can do it myself, Mother." She took the sheet from me and furiously rubbed her mouth. I put my hands up in surrender. "Alright, alright." When she was done, she rolled it up in a ball and tossed it in the trash can a few feet away.

That's when it hit me. The old Sam. I could see her again.

The blonde hair. The fat cake obsession. The independence and strong-willed personality. And yet there was something else there, too.

Her eyes were like crystal balls; once you have a look, you can't turn away. Instead, they draw you closer and closer until you are, in effect, hypnotized.

Or at least less than a foot away from them.

And even when I realized I was sort of staring her down, I didn't stop. I was crossing into dangerous territory, but maybe I wasn't necessarily trespassing. Because she hadn't called me out on it yet.

I didn't know what I was doing. It was just becoming hazily aware to me that my face was getting closer to hers by the second. It was only an awareness, no meaning or analysis behind it.

But when I saw a flicker of something race across her eyes, I started to attach the meaning.

And I leaned a little closer.

* * *

"_Your breath's like wine…"_

* * *

**Oooh, cliffhanger, right? I promise chapter 26 will come next year. hehe, see what I did there? Farewell, 2011. I WILL NOT MISS YOU.**

**Besides Pandora and the girl who tweeted my story, awesome shout-outs go to 'BetterThanGold', 'LyshaLuvsSeddie', 'jess', 'SeDdIeLuVeR13', 'Julefor', 'Loveyou', 'Geekquality', 'mamaluvsangst', 'LizzieLove Inc', 'Seddier FTW', 'seddiesmyfav', 'Kpfan72491', 'hartful13', 'iMustacheYou', 'SarahBear22', 'DevotedReader07', 'mortalimortality', 'Danielle', 'renzooboi', 'Crizi', and an anonymous reviewer for, obviously, reviewing.**

'**jess' - woo! thanks so much! sorry if I scared you a bit with my over-excitement =] I'm so happy that you like it!**

'**Loveyou' - aww, I'm so glad, thank you!**

'**Danielle' - haha yup! it's just that I'll take any publicity I can get :) thanks so much! no, I don't. I'm one of those non-online-social-networking teenagers. my friends think I'm crazy. I don't have Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, or any of that sorta thing. But I do have FanFiction! and email! (take that, friends!) anyway, this reply is getting long…my bad :/**

'**Crizi' - wow, thank you so much! it means a lot, and I will =]**

**Anonymous Reviewer - thank youuu!**


	26. Chapter 26: Justified

**I owe all of you infinite apologies for not updating in a loooong time. I guess you deserve an honest explanation, so here goes. I have Compulsive Overeating Disorder, probably caused by depression, stress, and anxiety. Often after an "episode," I'm so uncomfortably full that I need to go the next couple of days without eating anything, and after that period I'm still not physically hungry. I hit one of many "rock bottoms" a couple weeks ago, and I'm finding it really hard to deal with…life I guess. **

**Don't get me wrong. I'm not overweight or suicidal, as many commonly associate with COD. I have lost things that I'm never getting back, but somehow I need to find a way to deal with it other than constantly putting my health in danger. **

**Remember last chapter when I mentioned that I had to go to the ER for my stomach? Well, that was because of this. So if I care at all about my health, and I DO, I need to quit. Easier said than done, obviously, but I hope to post more often and not leave you guys in the air about when I'm going to update the next chapter. I'm sorry about everything.**

"**Breathe Again" by Sara Bareilles. Please R&R!**

* * *

FREDDIE POV

BRRRRRINGGGG!

It was as if a firecracker exploded between us. She went reeling backward, and I clumsily stumbled into the trash can behind me, tipping it over and spilling its contents.

"Holy cheese on a chizzle!" Sam yelled, holding a hand to her chest. My heart felt like it would burst out of mine.

BRRRRRRRIIINNNNNGGGGGG!

We both jumped a little again, but definitely not as much as the first time. I struggled to get my cell phone out of my pocket while she just paced the apartment, still trying to calm down.

I punched the screen. "What? Hello?"

"_Fredward? I need to speak with you."_

I sighed. "Now's not a good time, Mom."

I saw Sam's face scrunch up slightly at the mention of the caller and grinned a little.

"_Look, you living alone is ridiculous."_

I sighed into the phone. "Mom, I'm not having this conversation over the phone."

"_Okay, I'll be over in ten minutes."_

"No, wait! I didn't mean-"

_Click._

Of course.

I slapped the phone on the counter and eyed Sam, who was still pacing like mad. "Uh, you're kinda making me nervous."

She stopped, looked at me, started to say something, then paused. "I, um, I'm gonna go."

To be honest, I was disappointed. "Yeah, my mom's coming over, so that's probably a good idea."

She was still just standing there, as if she was waiting for me to say something else. But I didn't have anything else to say. Not out loud, anyway.

So after a few seconds of looking at the floor, lips scrunched up in silence, she pulled the hood of her sweatshirt over her head and walked out the door.

* * *

SAM POV

What on earth was _that_?

Was he…? No…_no._ That's _Freddie_, for fat cakes' sake. He wouldn't…we wouldn't…

But the look on his face was so…so…what was the word for it?

"Thoughtful?"

No…that wasn't it…

"Thoughtful, much?" the voice repeated.

I blinked and suddenly Carly was walking beside me. The sight of her only depressed the chiz out of me. I didn't find comfort in her presence anymore. Just looking at her smile, the lively skip in her step, her shining, dark eyes…

I wanted it to all go away. Maybe the weight of my heart would go with it.

"Leave me alone."

"What are you talking about, silly?"

My eyes stung. "I'm not in the mood."

"Let's go get a fatshake; that'll put you in the mood!" she exclaimed, grinning widely.

A tear slipped down my cheek as I opened my mouth to reply, and then I realized: I was talking to a hallucination.

"I'll take your silence as a yes?" Another tear fell down my face, and then another. My heart sunk like a rock at the sight of her smile.

Then she laughed.

The echo of it rung in my ears, pulsing through my head, causing salty tears to overflow my eyelids, stinging the scratches on my face. I stumbled into an alley, found a wall, and sunk down to the ground, leaning against it. I tucked my head down in between my knees, curled up into a ball, and cried. I cried for a long time.

I missed Carly.

* * *

FREDDIE POV

My front door flew open. "Fredward! So good to see you! Now I bet we can get most of the furniture to fit inside the apartment, but this coffee table is hideous, so that's going to have to stay-"

"Uh, mom? What are you talking about?"

"Well when you move back in I th-"

I almost screamed in frustration. "Mom! I'm not moving back in!"

She looked heartbroken. "But Freddie-bear, you're-"

"Eighteen years old and perfectly capable of supporting myself," I interrupted.

Then she responded, "Age doesn't make a man."

I was about to make a retort when I hesitated.

Because she was right.

* * *

SAM POV

My eyes were heavy again from the tears. I hated crying. It didn't solve anything. The only things that came with it were weakness, superficial sympathy from others, and headaches.

_Massive_ headaches.

I sat against the brick wall in silence for around five minutes before I decided to get up. But I never got that far.

"_I guess I don't tell you enough how amazing you are."_

No. _Please_. Not this. _Not_ now.

"_Aw, I'm so touched!"_

"_Shut up."_

I know what comes next; I don't need to keep reliving this. I _can't_ keep reliving this.

"_So what are-"_

"_CARLY!"_

Snippets of that night. In the car. In that intersection. All racing before my eyes.

The glass. The spinning sky. The crushed metal. The blood.

So much blood.

"_Daddy…!"_

_My eyes open. My head's pounding. I'm upside down. My seatbelt digs into the soft skin of my neck. I struggle to breathe._

"_Daddy…"_

_My head turns to the left. She's there. She's hanging upside down too. Her eyes are open. She's…moving?_

_She's_ alive.

_And she's speaking…speaking so softly, but it's echoing in my ears, shattering the deafening silence that encompasses the aftermath of the collision. One word._

"_Daddy…!"_

_Her dark eyes blankly stare off into the distance. Her lips tremble. _

_And then the light in her eyes goes out._

My God.

I remember.

* * *

FREDDIE POV

"_I'll prove to you the man I've become."_

I must have said it with such conviction and resolve because that's all it took for my mother to leave my apartment. I was currently on my way to the first step of proving it.

But my trip was cut short.

Another alley. Crying, wrapped up in a ball, broken.

It broke me too.

"Sam…"

The sounds of her sobbing halted, and she rubbed her face on her sweatshirt before looking up at me. I sat down next to her. Before I could say anything else, her voice sliced the air.

"Look, I know you're trying hard and I appreciate it, I really do, but…" she looked guilty. "You're not Carly."

I was silent.

She ran her fingers through her messy curls and sniffed. "I can't deal with her being gone anymore."

No words came to mind.

"God, I miss her so much."

I was no Carly. My mouth opened.

"I'm sorry."

And that was all I could come up with.

She finally looked at me, and the moment she did, she winced and her face crumpled. "Freddie, I'm…remembering things. About the accident."

My eyebrows came together. "What do you mean?"

I saw a tear slip down her face. "She didn't die right away."

A tightness formed in my chest. "What?"

"She was alive for a few more seconds." Sam furiously rubbed her wet cheek. "It was like watching her be led into the light. Like watching her accept death, inviting it in."

Good Lord. No wonder she was so screwed up. I would be too.

"She kept saying 'Daddy.'" Sam was crying now. "Like she could see her father. Like he was telling her to go to the light or whatever happens when you die." Her hands covered her face. "She was in pain before she died…and I'd thought she died instantly…"

And that was her breaking point.

Even though I was no Carly, I wrapped my arms around Sam and held her close, knowing words weren't going to do anything. Maybe my presence would be enough. And if it wasn't, I would make it worth everything.

_I'll prove to you the man I've become._

* * *

**100 Faves, you guys? THANK YOU. I can't believe how popular this story has gotten. A huge shout-out to anyone who's favorite/alerted me or any of my stories.**

**Because next weekend I have four days off school, I'll update. Your reviews mean the world to me. Thanks to 'hartful13', 'mortalimortality', 'renzooboi', LyshaLuvsSeddie', 'BetterThanGold', 'Geekquality', 'Kpfan72491', 'seddieluver822', 'mamaluvsangst', 'SeddierFTW', 'jess', 'iMustacheYou', 'SeDdIeLuVeR13', 'seddiesmyfav', 'SarahBear22', 'sincerely-sweet', 'SEDDIEATOR98', 'alwayssmiling11' (x3), 'iamandy', and an anonymous reviewer.**

'**jess' - my own mini fanclub! I'm honored =]**

**Anonymous Reviewer - thanks so much! if you're not normal, then I don't know what I am…b/c I'm seventeen and still write about iCarly…haha. I check up on Dan and Jennette's twitter from time to time, but I don't think I'll get one…just not my sorta thing. I love long reviews, so thanks!**


	27. Chapter 27: The Pinnacle of Need

**Three things.**

**(1) I am aware that you all probably hate me, (2) I'm letting you know right now this story WILL get finished, and (3) life's been…rough. To put it lightly.**

**I'm not going to get into a whole lot of detail, but I'll give you the gist. I'm struggling with my COD. Bad news from certain colleges I've applied to and having to make that huge decision. My friend killed himself two weeks ago.**

**I'd like to dedicate this story to him. **

"**Bloodstream" by Stateless and "All This Time" by One Republic.**

* * *

SAM POV; ONE WEEK LATER

I turned the handle to Spencer's apartment and stepped into the living room. No one was there, and it was eerily quiet. "Spencer? You home?" I called out. No answer. "You texted me to come over!"

My phone beeped, so I pulled it out. It was from Freddie.

_Look up._

Before I had a chance to react, there was a loud _smack_ to my right. I flinched in the opposite direction and looked. Something dark brown with white gooey stuff was splattered on the wall, and some of it had dropped to the floor.

What on _Earth_?

I swiped my finger across the mess and sniffed. Smelled like sugar.

"Dude, you _missed_!" My head snapped up toward the sound. Spencer and Freddie's heads were peeking up from behind the counter bordering the kitchen and the living room.

"Well it's not like I _practiced_ or anything!" Spencer retorted in self defense.

Then I realized what the white gooey stuff was.

Frosting.

My eyes widened. Freddie saw and grinned evilly. "GET HER!"

I dove behind the couch as Spencer let out a bizarre battle cry and chucked two more cupcakes in my direction. One missed, the other exploded on the center of my forehead. "Aaaaaargh!" I cried out, wiping the gunk off and sticking my sugary fingers in my mouth.

"THIS MEANS CUPCAKE _WAR_!" Spencer shrieked, leaping out from behind the counter. Freddie did the same and made some freakish sound. "Eeeiiiiyeeiiiyeeiiiii!" A pink cupcake with blue frosting flew from his hand and smacked me on the shoulder.

I crawled army style in a desperate attempt to escape the delicious bullets, but to no avail. I had no ammunition while Freddie and Spencer were loaded and moving fast.

I laughed as I was pelted with countless more cupcakes. They were still yelling like deranged cavemen and dancing like monkeys around my curled up body on the floor. Although it was pointless, I held up my hands, trying to block the flying desserts.

A minute later, the cupcakes stopped coming. I blinked a couple times and glanced at them. They were looking at each other with panicked expressions. I smiled. They'd run out of ammo.

I got the most cupcake mess off of me and into my hands as possible, and screamed, "Now it's time for the Puckett vengeance!" I leaped toward them and smeared the cake and frosting all over their shirts. They shouted in protest and fell on the floor when I tackled them. Then we all cracked up like idiots for the next couple minutes.

When we'd all settled down, I sighed deeply. "That was fun."

Freddie shifted beside me. "It's not over _yet_…"

I turned my head in surprise and was greeted with a huge cupcake right in the face.

"Ooooouuuuuuuhhhhh!" I heard Spencer and Freddie bust up all over again.

"You guys are _so _gonna pay for this," I mumbled through the frosting, using my hands to scrape the mess off my face.

Then Spencer stopped laughing. "Wait, that was the last cupcake, swear! And it wasn't my idea; this was all Freddie! I was bribed into this! Get him! I'm innocent!"

I chuckled and licked my hand. "Don't worry. These taste so good that maybe I'll take pity on you. Where'd you buy these?"

"Actually, Freddie made them," Spencer replied, sitting up and wiping off his shirt.

"Dude!" Freddie exclaimed, obviously embarrassed. I snickered. "Aww, Fredwad the gourmet chef! Next time you should use your Easy Bake oven to bake some heart-shaped cookies!"

He rolled his eyes but smiled. "Alright, alright."

I ate a part of a cupcake that was stuck on my arm. "A very good idea, though. A tasty one, too."

Spencer was still furiously rubbing his shirt. "Gahh, I need a bath!" he shouted, stumbling up and out of the room in two seconds flat. We heard a door slam not a second later.

Freddie and I lied on the ground for a few seconds in silence before I spoke up.

"Freddie?"

"Huh?"

I swallowed. "Uh, thanks."

He just smiled. We lied still for another couple seconds.

This time, he was the first to talk. "You know what the best part of a cupcake war is?"

I turned my head. "What?"

He grinned. "The cleanup." Then he opened his mouth and ate a smashed cupcake off the floor between us. I laughed. "The only work I'd love to do."

So then we ate gunk off the floor, walls, and furniture of Spencer's apartment for the next hour and a half.

* * *

FREDDIE POV; TWO DAYS LATER

2:23 AM and someone was pounding on my door. Loudly. So it wasn't as if I could just ignore it.

I rubbed my tired eyes and shuffled to the door in my thin, white shirt and flannel pants. I opened the door and stepped back in surprise. "Sam?"

She looked down. "Hi."

"What are you doing here?" Then I saw what she was wearing. A tank top and shorts. "You walked all the way here in _that?_ In October? Are you _trying_ to get pneumonia?"

When she didn't answer, I felt a pang of guilt. "Come on," I softly said. "Get inside."

I shut the door behind her. "Is something wrong?"

Her back was to me. She folded her arms and replied, "I don't want to be home right now."

I walked around her so that we were facing each other. "Is it your mom?"

She didn't respond.

"Wanna crash here?"

She nodded. "If that's okay." Her voice was hushed. My mouth almost fell open in surprise. She'd never really asked permission for anything before.

"Always." I started to lead her to my room. "I got the couch, and you can-"

"Don't be an idiot," she interrupted. "I'm on the couch."

"Sam, you're not sleeping on the couch."

Her arms crossed over her chest again. "Then we'll share." She turned around, entered my room, and slid under the covers of my bed.

I hesitated. She wanted to share the bed?

I cautiously approached the bed and slowly sat on it in case I interpreted her sentence wrong. After a few seconds, she turned over and sarcastically asked, "You sleep sitting or what?"

When I pulled the sheets over my body and rested my head on a pillow, she turned back over. I found myself staring at the goosebumps on her arms and memorizing the line that ran from her ribs to her hips. The moon's light that leaked into the room through my window bathed her in an almost ghostly glow. Since the covers were only up to her hips and the bumps on her arms weren't going away, I reached over and pulled the blanket up to her shoulder. I brought my arm back to my side.

A short period of time passed. When I was about to close my eyes, Sam turned over to face me. We held eye contact for a few long seconds. I couldn't read her expression. She then tucked her head and slid the remaining inches toward me, burying her face in my shirt. Her arms were sandwiched between my chest and hers.

I was still for a moment. Then I draped an arm around her back. Her hot breaths warmed my chest.

A minute later, I looked at her arms. The bumps were gone.

Only when I heard her breaths become soft and even did I allow myself to succumb to sleep's supremacy.

* * *

FREDDIE POV; ONE WEEK LATER

"Freddie, where are we going?"

"For the billionth time, stop asking," I replied, my hand placed over her eyes. I guided her across the dock and hoped the singing birds overhead weren't giving away our location. "We're almost there."

"It's about _time_."

I led her in front of our destination and stopped. "Okay, you can look now." I removed my hand. She laughed in disbelief and wonder. "How…?" she began.

"I just thought we'd do something different today."

She laughed again, and her smile made the sun look like a dull ball of yellow yarn. In front of us was a small speed boat with a basket on the driver's seat. I'd rented the boat for the day at Smith Cove.

She jumped on the boat, gained her balance, and tore through the basket. "No way!"

I got on the boat too. "Yup. Galini's Coconut Crème Pie."

She tore off the cover and stabbed a fork into the middle of the pie. "Mhmm…" her eyes rolled back and closed as the fork entered her mouth.

I laughed. "Try to make it last, Puckett."

"Fat chance," she managed before shoveling down another forkful.

I started the boat and took it out on the water. The sky was clear, it wasn't cold, and the sun made the surface of the water shimmer. In other words, it was perfect.

In two minutes flat, Sam had finished the pie and now made her way to the front of the boat as I ever so slightly increased speed. Her laugh was stolen by the wind that ripped through her hair and made her shirt beat violently against her. She held her arms out and lifted her face to the sky.

My chest caved in on me; I felt this tightness so severe that I couldn't breathe. It was inexplicable. My heart thrashed around and my hands started shaking. I couldn't just sit there. I needed to do something…_anything_…I needed to…

She laughed again.

I shut off the boat and struggled to maintain my balance as I stood up. The boat started slowing down and Sam turned around in confusion. "Why'd you-"

I took a couple steps toward her, but I immediately fell flat on my face when a wave caused the boat to lurch to the side. Sam doubled over in laughter. The feeling in my chest grew, and I desperately fought to get up. "Smooth, Benson," she snickered as I finally was able to stand up.

I completed the distance between us with two long strides. Then, I grabbed her face and captured her lips with mine. My chest exploded.

I felt her first response: shock. And then, just a little, she responded. But a little was all I needed.

That feeling in my chest protesting violently, I pulled away. Her eyes had that same look of disbelief and wonder, but this time it was different.

_Completely_ different.

"Very smooth…" she whispered. I slid my hands around her back and kissed her again.

* * *

**Was it worth the wait? I know a lot of you are probably going "Well it's about TIME!" Review and let me know! :)**

**Listen to "Lullaby" by Nickelback. If any of you are considering suicide, please don't. **_**Please**_**. There is ALWAYS a reason to keep living. And there is ALWAYS someone that cares about you.**

**Thanks 'Kpfan72491', 'BetterThanGold', 'hartful13', 'SeddierFTW', 'seddieluver822', 'SeDdIeLuVeR13', 'Geekquality', 'mortalimortality', 'alwayssmiling11', and 'anon' for reviewing, even though I've been terrible about updating. **

'**anon' - thank you SO MUCH. it means so much more than you could imagine.**


	28. Chapter 28: Locus

**I'M SORRY.**

**My teachers were evil and school/AP testing was pretty much my life for the past two months. But I'm done with high school! I'll be a graduate as of Saturday!**

**So I'm happy about that. But I'm not that satisfied with last update's chapter…I reread it and it seemed a little cliché/random. So sorry if you felt that too.**

**So…ages later…here's the next chapter! Please review and lemme know if it was worth the wait. The songs are "A Lifetime" by Better Than Ezra and "You and I Tonight" by Faber Drive.**

* * *

"_We're like naughts and crosses in that opposites always attract."_

* * *

SAM POV

Raw hunger.

God, it emanated from him. His hands raced back and forth from pressing into my back to threading their fingers in my hair. It was like he couldn't decide where he needed them to be.

His kisses were rough and untamed. I found myself trying to keep up with him, not able to reciprocate as much as he was giving. I guess breathing had been long forgotten because all of a sudden my lungs were screaming and my head was spinning.

Freddie pressed his mouth onto mine even harder, but I broke away after a brief struggle. My chest heaved up and down as our foreheads separated, and his eyes fluttered open. Seeing me breathing hard, they widened. "I'm sorry…I…u-uh…"

I laughed through my gasps. "It's okay. I…just forgot to breathe…that's all."

His features relaxed as he smiled, and the expression on his face drove me crazy. As bad as I wanted him to kiss me again, I knew that I would have trouble breathing and ruin the entire thing another time. So I put a hand on his neck, leaned over, and let my lips touch his cheek. When I pulled away, I saw that the grin was still on his face and his eyes were closed. When he opened them, he placed his hand on my waist.

My heart thumped around and the swelling in my chest made me nervous. And when I get nervous, I tend to say really stupid stuff.

"Let's go swimming," I blurted.

He laughed and played with a lock of my hair. "We didn't bring suits."

It felt like my hair was on fire, even though I'm pretty sure that's impossible. That made me say more stupid stuff. "So? All swimsuits are just colorful underpants anyway."

Freddie blinked. "U-uh…"

So being on the stupid high that I was, I lifted my shirt above my head and tossed it on the floor of the boat beside us. He, of course, was a polite nub and looked everywhere but down. "B-but it's October!"

The frigid chill in the air reminded me of that, but I refused to shiver. "It's warm enough." I undid the button on my jeans and slid them off. "Live a little." And with that, I dove over the side of the boat in my (I cringe when I say this) panties and bra.

The water hit me with a cold shock, and opening my eyes was a mistake. They stung and everything was black around me anyway. I guessed which way was the surface and kicked out my legs.

I heard Freddie yelling before I even reached the top of the water. When my head popped up, I could distinguish what he was saying.

"Sam! SAM!"

He was looking in a direction other than where I was, so I figured that I had swum horizontally a little ways. "What?"

His head whipped toward me. "Are you crazy?"

I shrugged while treading water. "Probably."

I thought that he'd starting freaking out on me about how dangerous this was and how I was going to catch pneumonia or something, but after a second or two of looking at me like I was a deranged person, he gave me a smile, shaking his head. "I'm _so_ gonna regret this."

My mouth dropped open when he tore off his shirt and tugged off his jeans, leaving his boxers on. Before he jumped in, my eyes grazed over him. When had he become…an actual man with an actual…body?

Then the water beside me exploded, and after a second his head surfaced. Freddie shook his head, whipping his hair out of his face. His eyes opened and met my wide ones. He grinned. "Something…intriguing you?"

My face acquired a hot blush even in the freezing water. I scoffed. "No. Just can't believe you actually did it."

"Mmhmm, sure." His right hand found my waist under the water, and his touch made me shiver. I couldn't fight away the jolt that raced through my body this time, and he laughed, his hot breath landing on my cheek. "You like that, huh?" After his left hand cradled the back of my head, his lips landed on my neck. Pleasure ripped across my body, numbing the cold sensation of the water. He kissed the skin under my jaw and then crashed his mouth onto mine.

It was hard treading water because our legs kept banging against each other's, and I felt Freddie's kisses get harder and hungrier again. I never wanted him to stop, but passing out just wasn't an option when surrounded by a body of water. Before I could muster up the strength to stop him, something smacked against the back of my head, causing my forehead to clank against Freddie's. If I felt dizzy before, now was…inexplicable.

It was a wave, and I went under.

I guess I needed to do more than stop kissing Freddie in order to breathe.

I felt strong hands grope around, finally finding my arms and tugging me up to the surface. I coughed and sputtered like an idiot, and my eyes blinked a few times before I could focus on Freddie's concerned expression.

"Are you okay?"

This feeling…beyond indescribable…it dominated my chest. It was like happiness, but…but so much more. I couldn't breathe, but what else was new?

I couldn't tear my eyes off of him or help but grin stupidly.

"Yeah. I'm definitely okay."

* * *

"_She's a freak and she's a liar, but you're in love with the girl she's concealed."_

* * *

FREDDIE POV; THREE DAYS LATER

"Oh, you have _got_ to be kidding me."

"What?"

"Stargazing? _Really_?"

I shrugged. "What's wrong with that?" I was expecting this reaction.

"It's so cheesy. It's like one of the top cliché dates of all time."

I smiled. It worked.

"So this is a date, huh?"

She slid out from under my arm that had been wrapped around her shoulders. Her eyes were wide. "I…uh..."

"Would that make you my girlfriend?"

She squinted at me. "You're enjoying this."

"Yes. Yes I am."

She plopped down on the blanket I had laid on the grass. I sat beside her.

"Whatever tickles your peach."

Holy chiz. That was a yes.

I held the back of her head and kissed the top of it. "Good."

"Nub," she responded. She let her back fall on the blanket and I did the same. "Do you _have_ to copy everything I do?"

"Yes. Yes I do." I kissed her cheek, and she laid it on my chest. I closed my eyes while she looked at the white dots flickering above us. I never wanted this to end. Everything was perfect; I was with the girl I loved.

My eyes shot open. I _did_ love her.

And I wanted to tell her that. But something stopped me.

Brad.

Of all things. _Brad_.

I knew Sam had totally flipped out when Brad told her that he loved her, and I didn't want to freak her out. I wanted my words to mean something to her.

My arms wrapped around her tightly. I opened my mouth, took a breath, and held it. After a while, I heard Sam say, "You gonna exhale or what?"

So I did. "I guess you're not the only one who has trouble breathing."

I chuckled when she groaned and responded, "And the cheesiness continues."

I placed a hand on her upper arm near her shoulder. "You're amazing."

I felt her stiffen. After a long moment of silence, she whispered, "I know."

A few seconds passed. She turned her head over to look at me. "That's not really what I-"

I shushed her and smiled. "Shut up a little." She buried her face in my neck and let out a large breath. I allowed my eyes to close again.

Yeah, I never wanted this to end.

* * *

"_All good things must come to an end."_

* * *

**I'm planning on finishing this story THIS SUMMER before I go to college (ahhhh!). Maybe I'll even post a one-shot or two also. I have an idea that I'd really like to explore. It'd be beneficial for me and (hopefully) for all of you too. And maybe…just maybe…I'll start my new S&F multi-chap while I'm at college. You haven't seen the last of me! =D**

**Thanks to 'BetterThanGold', 'seddieluver822', 'Kaitley', 'Geekquality', 'Kira', 'Danielle', 'mortalimortality', 'Kpfan72491', 'hartful13', 'Berkwood Court' (x2), 'SeDdIeLuVeR13', 'shtoobs', 'iMustacheYou', and 'LyshaLuvsSeddie' for reviewing. Maybe we can break 500 reviews with this chapter! Purdy PLEASEEE!**

'**BetterThanGold' - thanks!**

'**Kaitley' - I know! I miss you. are you on a swim team?**

'**Kira' - Germany? wow, this made me so happy. thank youuu!**

'**Danielle' - aw, shucks. thanks so much!**


	29. Chapter 29: Metastasis

**Alright, so here's the thing.**

**I'm going to treatment for my eating disorder, depression, and anxiety Monday through Friday. I work on Saturday, and on Sunday I have religious commitments. So yeah, that's why I'm MIA.**

**I WILL FINISH THIS STORY THIS SUMMER AND START '24 HOURS' LATE THIS SUMMER. I have the prologue finished for '24 Hours', my new Sam&Freddie Multi-Chap. Do you want me to post the prologue before or after 'Exit Wounds' is finished? POLL TIME! Leave your answer in a review or something *COUGH COUGH* oh how subtle of me.**

"**She Is Love" by Parachute [not the full band version] and "Get Up" by Barcelona.**

* * *

FREDDIE POV; ONE MONTH LATER

Lounging on the couch, arm around the back cushion, her head leaning against the crook of my shoulder. Watching reruns of Girly Cow in her living room.

The animated cow on the screen stepped on its tail and fell face-first. I chuckled despite having seen it a million times before. I glanced at Sam. Her eyebrows were furrowed together, and her mouth was curved into a frown that formed an expression that I found freakishly adorable. I kissed her head, but Sam didn't seem to notice. It was like she was literally lost in thought.

I used the remote to mute the TV and nudged her. "Watcha thinkin' 'bout?"

She chewed on her lower lip. "I just don't get it."

"Get what?" I randomly began to get nervous. Her expression was dead serious.

"The jacket…" she muttered to herself. "…and the buttons..."

"Huh?"

She blinked and looked at me. "When guys wear suits and ties, you know? Their jackets have two buttons, but they only button one button. What's the point of having a second button if they never use it? It just doesn't make any sense!"

I couldn't help it. I just burst out laughing.

"What?" she asked when I was done.

"I don't know, you were so serious and everything and it was all about…buttons."

"I'm serious!" She shifted on the couch and plopped her feet on my thighs. "What a waste of materials!"

I just shook my head and grinned.

"You want serious? Okay fine." Her arms folded across her chest. "When people say they'll love you forever, they're pretty stupid."

I felt a twinge in my gut. "How so?"

"Well, people die. You can't love someone if you're dead."

I wrapped my arms around her bent knees and thought for a moment. I thought really hard.

"Death is supposedly permanent, right?"

"Sure, I guess."

I gnawed on the inside of my cheek. "So if someone dies while loving someone, if their death is permanent and unchanging, what about that love? Does it change?"

She fiddled with her hands and shrugged. "The way I see it is the love comes with life. When life doesn't exist anymore, neither does the love."

A block of lead started settling in my chest, and I traced circles on her kneecap with my thumb. "Well, for me it's like if I die loving someone, whether I'm dead or alive I'd still love them. So if I'm dead for the rest of eternity, I love them for the rest of eternity."

Sam grunted. After a moment she replied, "Do you always have to be right?"

I pulled her figure closer and hugged her. "Yes. Yes I do."

* * *

FREDDIE POV; ONE WEEK LATER

I rang the bell and anxiously paced back and forth on Sam's front porch. Why was I even nervous? We were just going out for another day in downtown Seattle, walking around and getting on a few people's nerves. A normal day with Sam.

Ahh. The 'with Sam' part. The way she made me feel.

The door opened, revealing Sam shrugging a jacket on, stomping her left shoe on, and raking a brush through her hair all at once. She was out of breath. "Sorry…I'm late again." She tossed the brush aside, closed the door, and got her shoe and jacket on. "Do I look okay?"

I grinned and started singing.

"When I see your faaaaaace…!"

She put a hand to her forehead and groaned. "Oh please no."

"There's not a thing that I would chaaaaange…!"

"Freddie-"

"'Cuz you're amazingggg…!"

She started laughing. My heart jumped.

"Just the way you aaaaare!"

I paused and she looked at me, arms crossed, mouth in a smirk. "You done?"

"And when you smiiiiile…!"

She chuckled and slapped a hand over my mouth. "Oh shut up, cheesy pants."

I removed her hand and held it in mine. "You gonna make me?"

In response, she kissed me. She did it so softly, as if I could break if she pushed too hard.

She pulled away after a moment and looked down. "It…it scares me how much I care."

I brushed a strand of hair away from her face. "Care about what?"

"About y- -nothing. Never mind." She cleared her throat and gave me a nervous smile. "Let's go."

I stared after her when she walked away, a strange feeling of anxiety rising in my throat. I jogged a few steps to catch up, and we strolled along for a while in complete silence.

* * *

SAM POV; THE NEXT DAY

"You wanted to talk to me?" I closed the door to Spencer's apartment behind me and plopped on the couch. "Wait, you have any frozen pizzas?"

He smiled a little. "Sure." He went to the fridge and tossed me, not one, but two boxes.

He knows me so well.

Spencer collapsed on the couch next to me as I tore into the first box. "So…"

I glanced at him. "What?"

He awkwardly cleared his throat. "So…um, uh…you have this thing…with Freddie."

I paused mid-swallow and raised my eyebrows. I grunted my agreement and finished swallowing. "And…?"

He took a loud breath. "I'm…I'm just not sure…"

"For this frozen pizza's sake, Spencer. Just say it."

"I'm not a huge fan of it."

I blinked, stunned, and set the pizza aside for a moment. "What?"

He wouldn't make eye contact. "I'm just…concerned."

"About…?"

"You. I mean, these past months have been really…like a roller coaster, I guess. We've…you've had some pretty rough lows." My mind instantly went back.

_You _KILLED_ her!_

_I hate you!_

_This is _YOUR _fault!_

_I wish _YOU _were dead!_

_I HATE YOU!_

I breathed in shakily and blinked away the sudden wetness.

"I just don't want to see you get hurt again. He…he really messed you up, Sam."

I couldn't really believe what I was hearing. "But it's different now."

"Exactly." He crossed and uncrossed his legs. "It's…romantically, uh, different. It just…opens the door for something bad to happen, you know?"

I squinted. "Not really."

"Letting someone in that close. It can be dangerous. Especially since he…he did it before."

I was getting angry. "It's not like he'd do it again."

"I'm not saying he _will_; it's just that you never really know. And I couldn't bear it if-"

"So I shouldn't trust anyone? _Ever_?" I shot up from the couch, folding my arms across my chest.

He leapt up too. "No! You'll always have me. And Gibby and…people." I scowled. He obviously ran out of choices, because the one girl that had always been there for me-

No. Don't go there.

"I think I should leave." I was so mad that I left the frozen pizzas on his couch as I stomped toward the door.

Spencer practically sprinted after me and slammed the door shut when I tried to open it. "Stop, Sam! I didn't mean it like _that_…I just…I'm worried. And-I…I love you. _So_ much."

I gave him a look of disbelief, shook my head, and smashed the door shut behind me. When I was safely inside the elevator, I started to cry. Heaving sobs shook my body and I slid to the floor, because my worst fears had been brought to the surface.

* * *

NORMAL POV

It was all true. It was all so true.

Those feelings that had stirred up inside of her. So strong that they scared her very being. They were too strong. His grip on her heart was so tight that it was absolutely terrifying.

She couldn't feel that way. It _was_ dangerous. Because if it all fell apart again, there would be no recovery. _Ever._

She knew that. And now it was time to act on it.

* * *

FREDDIE POV; THE NEXT DAY

I woke up with a start to the shrill ring of my Pear Phone on the nightstand. I rubbed my tired eyes, grabbed the annoying device, and checked the caller ID.

I was fully awake now, because it was Sam. My heart gave a kick and I grinned. I pressed the 'Answer' button.

"Hey, Sam." I was about to use a stupid nickname but decided against it at the last second. "You're up early."

Silence. I was about to say something else when I heard a little static on the line and a small voice say, "I can't do this anymore."

"Do what? You don't sound okay, what's wrong?"

"Us."

Just one word. That earth-shattering word. The word that answered both, one, and neither of my questions at the same time. The word that made the tornadoes spiral, the volcanoes explode, the hurricanes roar, the earthquakes rumble, the tsunamis destroy…

"What?" I choked out.

"I can't do us anymore. We're done."

It had to be a joke. "Wha…_why_? What did I _do_?"

She didn't answer either of my questions. "If you care about me, you'll leave me alone from now on."

"Now wait a second-"

"Goodbye, Freddie."

_Click_.

The engagement ring on my dresser now looked like a dull rock on a loop of brittle ribbon.

* * *

"_Right where it starts it ends, oh and we start again…visible illusion…love like a sunset."_

* * *

**If I didn't reply to your review, PLEASE let me know. I can't remember if I replied this chapter or not.**

**THANK YOU to 'nerdy4mccurdy', 'LyshaLuvsSeddie', ' I Am', 'Kpfan72491', 'butterflylovesicarly', 'hartful13', 'BetterThanGold', 'NickeyRox4Ever', 'TnxDan', 'PrincessPurplee', 'Danielle', 'hejk12345', and 'Kaitley'. Your reviews mean the universe and beyond to me.**

'** I Am' - OH. MY. AWW. Thanks so much! I really appreciate it!**

'**BetterThanGold' - thanks so much! yeah, this update was kinda late, but work and other commitments keep getting in the way :/**

'**PrincessPurplee' - yesss I love you me at six! aww, thanks a lot! mmm, maybe something scented? I love scented soap and candles :)**

'**Danielle' - yeah, I regret the time wait and the lack of plot…but I guess the point of it was just to show how their relationship would be in "full force". I hope this chap was different! thanks for the review, it helped!**

'**Kaitley' - hey again! yeah, I remember swim team and dryland and stuff…intense, girl! I really want to see Anberlin too! where's their home state? I NEED to find out when they're coming near me. I'm so glad this story introduced us to each other, and thanks for reviewing! I hope your summer is awesome despite the swim team yuckiness :( how are your teammates?**


	30. Chapter 30: Midnight  The Start and End

**Sorry I didn't update quickly; I had a major family crisis revolving around my eating disorder and depression…a few Sundays ago was easily one of the worst days of my life. My mom almost had an ambulance come to take me to the treatment center…so yeah. I feel a lot better now though.**

"**Staring At It" by SafetySuit and "No Light, No Light" by Florence and the Machine. LISTEN TO THEM!**

* * *

SAM POV; ONE DAY LATER

WE LOVE YOU. FOREVER.

I kept waiting for her to show up. I kept waiting for her dark hair and glass eyes to float over me, telling me I made the right choice. Telling me I was justified in my decision to throw away my one shot at happiness. Shoving away the things that threatened to destroy my walls of safety. Blocking out the only man I've loved.

"Carly," I tried. "Carly, I'm here."

A crow cawed and the trees rustled, but other than that I was all alone. "Carly, _please_."

Tell me I'm right. Tell me I'll be okay.

"Carly?"

Something landed on the ground ten feet to my left. I eagerly turned, expecting her vulture. I didn't care what form she came to me in; I just wanted her.

But no, it was just a bird.

"CARLY!" I shrieked, smacking her headstone with the soft palm of my hand. "Come on! This isn't fair! You can't just leave me! How _dare _you!"

I screamed, and I sobbed, and I tore at the brown grass by her tombstone in the cemetery, but two hours later, I was still alone.

* * *

FREDDIE POV; THE SAME DAY

"So what's up, Freddie-o?" Spencer took the seat opposite me at a table at the Groovy Smoothie. He looked anxious. "What'd you want to talk to me about?"

"Sam broke up with me." My voice was a pathetic monotone.

He froze. "What?"

"I've tried calling her, but her phone's turned off. Spencer, I-" my throat caught as tears sprung into my eyes, and I had to stop. I rubbed my forehead with my right hand. "Why would she do this?"

He shifted in his seat. "Um…I, uh…kinda talked to her."

I was confused. "When?"

Spencer looked at his lap. "A couple days ago."

My heart thumped. "Was she acting weird? Did she give you any hint that she was going to…do this?"

"I gave her the idea." He quickly shoved the straw of his smoothie into his mouth while I processed.

"What?"

The straw flew out of his mouth along with a few drops of smoothie. "I was worried! She seemed too close to you and I was scared that you would hurt her again and she would actually kill herself this time!" He had to take a breath and was about to keep going, but I interrupted him.

"You _what_?" What do you mean, 'this time'? There will _never_ be a next time! I _love_ her, Spencer! How could you do this?"

"I just-"

"NO! Stop!" I was screaming at this point, and the Groovy Smoothie had fallen silent as I shot out of my chair. "You ruined my life! Sam is _everything_ to me! How could you think I would do that to her again?"

"I-"

"Don't talk to me!"

And I stormed out.

* * *

SAM POV; THE SAME DAY

"Sam?"

I gave her a weak smile as the door to the diner shut behind me. "Tara, hey."

She ran over and hugged me. "What are you doing here? I haven't seen you in forever!"

So I pretty much forced her to take an hour-long break as I sat her at a table and told her everything. From California to Seattle and from Freddie to now.

* * *

FREDDIE POV; THE SAME DAY

I was _so_ mad when I left the Groovy Smoothie. But something positive came out of that anger: determination. I had to find her again. I _needed_ to find her.

So like I had several months ago, I was on my way to downtown Seattle. To that diner where it all began.

* * *

SAM POV; THE SAME DAY

"I can't believe it, Sam."

"Well, yeah. It's-"

And then it was déjà vu all over again. I scrambled out of my chair and dove for the kitchen door. "Get him to leave, Tara!"

She was confused until she looked out the window and saw him walking briskly toward the door.

* * *

FREDDIE POV

"Have you seen Sam?"

She tried to grin. "No 'hello'? I'm insulted. How are _you_ doing, Freddie?"

I gave her a look. "Please, just tell me."

Tara sighed. "What happened?"

I let out a shaky breath and ran both hands through my messy hair. "Long story short, Sam left, I found her, she came back, we healed a little, we started…seeing each other, she broke it off, and I need to find her so that I can…" My breath hitched and I paused.

Her voice was soft. "So you can what?"

I wiped my eyes, took the small box out of my jean pocket, and let her take it out of my hand. She opened it and caught her breath. "Oh. Oh wow."

She seemed to be torn between two decisions when she gave the box back to me. She took a deep breath. And then another. "If I see her, I'll talk to her."

A minute passed before I could control my emotions and speak again. "Thanks."

And then I left.

* * *

SAM POV

Tara burst through the swinging door to the kitchen, and my head snapped toward her. "Is he gone?"

"Get over yourself and talk to him!"

"Tara! Get him out of here!"

She folded her arms across her chest. "He's not here anymore, but you can't just keep hiding."

"Tara-"

"You can use the back door as you leave, but don't come back until you at least talk to him." She walked over and held open the diner's new back door.

I thought that at least _she_ would be on my side. Turns out I was wrong.

* * *

SAM POV; THAT NIGHT

I'd just finished brushing my teeth and changing into my T-shirt and flannel pants for an early bedtime. As I left the bathroom and entered my room, my phone was finishing vibrating. I walked over to my nightstand and picked it up. Missed call and new voicemail.

Alrighty then. I put the phone up to my ear.

The voicemail began with a few seconds of complete silence. Then someone cleared their throat.

"Sam…hi." I stopped breathing. Stupid me for turning my phone on. "It's me. I…I know that you don't want to talk to me, but please don't delete this. Just…just listen, okay?"

He sounded so heartbroken. I slowly sat on the edge of my bed.

"There are so many things I want to say…need to say…but I need to be with you to say them. I-I don't know if you'll even get this message tonight, but if you do and if you're listening, please come to the elementary school playground at eleven thirty . If you come, that would be…that would mean everything. If you don't, well, it's your choice. If you want to be left alone, then I understand. I…just…" I heard him sigh. "Bye."

I let the phone drop to the floor.

* * *

FREDDIE POV; 11:54 THAT NIGHT

She wasn't coming. I couldn't keep waiting.

Just one more minute.

I glanced at my watch for the millionth time and placed a hand on my pocket for the billionth time. The moon and light from a few streetlights illuminated the night. I stood facing the slide of the playground for another two minutes. A tear slid down my face. And then another. I turned to leave.

Her mouth fell open slightly as she drew in a breath. She was there, in those flannel pants I loved so much and the T-shirt of mine that I'd given to her to wear. A long jacket enveloped her arms and shoulders. Her eyes revealed that she'd recently been crying.

I found my breath again after a minute. "Hi."

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Hi." She bit her lip when I took the steps toward her. "You remember this place?" I asked.

She nodded a little. "All three of us would play here during recess." Her face contorted in pain at the mention of Carly.

"And it's where we first met." She refused to make eye contact with me.

"Sam," I began, taking a deep breath. Now or never. "I love you."

A cry hitched in her throat and she turned her head away, letting her hair fall in her face. I reached out and turned her cheek toward me. "Please look at me when I say this."

She swallowed and complied.

"I almost lost you twice. The first time was to death in April." I wiped away the tears that ran down her cheeks. "The second was to yourself when you ran away. I can't lose you to life now."

She said nothing.

"I know you're scared that I'll hurt you again. If you give me the chance, I'll show you that that's not even a possibility. I love you too much. You're my life."

She closed her eyes. I waited a minute before she opened them again.

"I'm not saying that life won't punch us in the gut sometimes. When that happens, we'll just punch it back. I'd put life in the hospital for you. Okay, that sounded weird, but-"

A short laugh escaped her lips. My heart soared.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's no one else but you. And I know only one way to prove to you that I'm the one for you."

The woodchips of the playground gouged my knee as I knelt down and pulled the box out of my pocket. Her eyes widened when I opened it.

"If you let me," I continued. "I'll be the one thing in your life that stays. I'll be by your side no matter what. And you'd make me the happiest person on earth if you became my wife."

After a moment, she knelt down in front of me, ran her fingers through my hair, and said, "God, Benson. You _are_ cheesy."

And then she kissed me.

When several seconds passed, I removed the ring from the box and slipped it on her finger. She laughed against my lips, and I knew I would hear that sound for a long, long time.

* * *

"_And if I was running, you'd be the one who I would be running to. And if I was crying, you would be lining the cloud that would pull me through."_

* * *

**Does anyone want an epilogue? If so I'd be happy to write one or two…but you have to give me plot ideas!**

**So yeah, I leave for college in an hour. It's a sad time. But I'll continue to be on FanFiction no matter how much work I have. Thanks so much for sticking with this story (and putting up with me, of course). Thanks to everyone who read, favorited, reviewed, and/or alerted (either me or my story).**

**MY LOVELY REVIEWERS: YOU HELPED ME BREAK 500! I LOVE YOU! 'BetterThanGold', 'Kaitley' (x2), 'Kiiraaax33', 'CarelessWhispers13', 'TnxDan', 'LyshaLuvsSeddie', 'hejk12345', 'seddieSUPERFAN101', 'Kpfan72491', 'reganliza', 'xXColorblindXx, 'fanatic-esined', 'Guest', and 'SeddieRulez13'.**

'**Kaitley' - I actually don't live in California, but I SOOOOO wish that I did! congrats on the swimming compliment! yeah I did swim team all 4 years of high school and water polo for 3 years. not yet, but I definitely will have to check out those bands! did you see the YouTube trailer for Anberlin's new album? :D:D:D**

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	31. Chapter 31: Epilogue - Never Gone

**Yeah, I know, it took me FOREVER. But I've been caught up with college and 24 Hours! PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEEASE check out my new Sam&Freddie Multi-Chap if you haven't already. **

"**Blue as Your Eyes" by Scouting for Girls and "I Don't Wanna Let You Go" by Ross Copperman.**

* * *

SAM POV; SIX MONTHS LATER

I didn't really want it to be white, but it couldn't just be brown or some other color I liked. It just…it wouldn't have been right.

So it was white after all.

There was absolutely _no_ way I was sticking something in my hair, though. Not in _my_ lifetime.

I fingered the material clinging to my waist. It was the only time I would allow myself to wear a dress. At least it wasn't suffocating; the strapless design gave my arms full mobility.

I let out a laugh as I stared at myself in the full-length mirror. _I can't believe this is finally happening_. My mother opened the door a little and poked her head in. "Ready?"

My heart was beating so fast that I couldn't breathe or respond. My head nodded a little.

She smiled a little bit. "Scared?"

I wanted to laugh, cry, scream, and dance all at the same time. My thoughts collected together and I shook my head. "Not even a little bit."

"Are you sure you don't want me to walk you down th—"

"Yeah," I interrupted. If my father didn't have the decency to show up, it wasn't my problem. I wouldn't let it be. This was my day. _Our_ day.

I had complete independence except when it came to Freddie. But I didn't mind that.

"You're, um…very beautiful, kid," my mother awkwardly said, escaping the room soon after that. I smiled at myself again in the mirror. A normal girl may have wondered if she looked pretty, but I didn't care. Because he already thought I was.

I left the room of mirrors and made my way to the closed double doors. I could hear the music. Not the slow violin crud, but an alternative rock version of the cheesy and cliché song that sealed fates every day.

Everyone else had already entered. It was my turn now.

It didn't really feel real. I was floating down the aisle. I could feel his eyes on me, and after a few seconds of avoiding everyone's stares, I connected with his. I almost stopped walking, my heart spazzed so much.

One moment it seemed like it was taking forever to get there, and the next moment I found myself already there. I climbed the two steps.

She was off to my left. Her black dress was stunning, and she made it look even more beautiful. I knew I was slipping out of reality a bit, but I didn't mind. Because she was there. Carly had made it to my wedding.

And then the man in the funny gown was saying things that I couldn't follow because Freddie was looking at me with that idiotically happy grin on his face. Which of course made me do the same.

So after his whole "we are gathered here today" speech, Freddie took a deep breath, looked me dead in the eye, and told me what he vowed to do for the rest of our lives.

"My mother always read me something about love that I never understood: 'Love is as strong as death is, insistence on exclusive devotion, is unyielding…its blazings are the blazings of a fire. Many waters themselves are not able to extinguish love, nor can rivers wash it away.'"

He let out a breath and a small laugh and continued.

"I would always hear how love is long-suffering and bears all things and isn't jealous and doesn't keep account of injuries…and I had absolutely _no_ idea what _anyone_ was talking about." I heard a few laughs from the people sitting in the long rows of benches to my right.

"And then…suddenly it all made sense. Suddenly I knew it and experienced it and knew I could teach everyone else what it meant. It all became clear when I got you back.

"And now growing old doesn't seem so bad, because I know that you'll always be there to call me a geezer and make fun of my graying hair and new wrinkles. And that's how it should be and how I want it to be.

"I promise you that I will spend whatever time I have left on this earth trying to make up for my mistakes and how many times I've screwed up trying to protect you. You are my life, and that's how I want it. So you're stuck with me, whether you like it or not." He grinned.

He took another breath and shrugged. "It's simple. I'll pay you back for what you've given me: myself."

I swallowed a few times because I knew that there was no _way_ I was going to cry like a baby at my own wedding. I just laughed and smiled and sniffled a little like an idiot.

And then it was my turn.

But how on _earth_ was I supposed to follow what Freddie said? Curse his way with words.

I took a breath and stopped, air completely filling my lungs, because everything that I had prepared flew out of my brain. I drew a complete blank.

I must have stayed like that for some time, because Freddie whispered with a smirk, "You gonna let it out?"

So I did.

And then I just exploded in a rant, saying how much he meant to me and how much I needed him to be in my life and actually _be_ my life, and then I remember saying that he saved me so many times and how I needed him to do that until the day I died, and then mentioning death made me blurt that I hoped that I went to that place first because life without him just wouldn't be possible and I couldn't imagine him not always being there, guiding me and protecting me and loving me and everything that a perfect man does.

I ran out of breath after a while and ended my embarrassing and disorganized monologue. Freddie was smiling and laughing and looking at me the whole time in a way that was completely mind blowing.

And then Spencer was giving Freddie a ring and I turned around to find Carly offering me the same.

She looked so proud, like the girl she raised into a woman was fulfilling everything that she hoped would happen. In a way, it was true. Carly did take me in as a child and helped me survive life no matter how bizarre or dangerous it got. And nothing would ever change that. She would always be there.

I felt the metal glide over my skin.

* * *

FREDDIE POV

I couldn't breathe as I slipped the ring on her finger. She's my bride. She's mine. All mine.

I vaguely heard the priest say those overly recited but overly meaningful phrases, and I vaguely was aware of saying those two typical but powerful words in return.

"I do."

And she said the same.

And then he was telling me to kiss her.

But I couldn't move. This seemed too perfect to be happening.

Sam raised an eyebrow, gave me that look that only she can master, and whispered, "Well?"

Well _that_ snapped me out of it.

I flew my arm around her lower back and my other hand cupped the back of her neck, pulling her close until her face was less than an inch away from mine.

"I love you so much, Samantha Puckett."

I felt her smile and her breath ghost over my cheeks. "Getting daring with the name calling, are we?"

My heart catapulted into my throat and I replied, "Shut up."

Then I kissed her like it was our last one. Which obviously it wasn't.

And then she was mine, and that is how it always will be.

* * *

SAM POV; TEN MONTHS LATER; PRESENT DAY

His lips caress mine on the living room couch in our apartment. I'm so happy that I wonder what I ever did to deserve this. To deserve _him_.

The bulge of my stomach inhibits some movement, but somehow he finds a way to make it better than anything in the past ever was. His hand softly lands on my cheek, gently drawing me deeper, making my doubts dissolve into nothing. I fiddle with the hair on the nape of his neck a little bit, and he laughs into my mouth. "God I love you, Sam."

In between kisses, I reply, "Shut up."

And then I hear and feel a pop.

I pull away for a second. "Did you hear that?"

He pauses for a second and listens. "No. What?"

"Like, a pop or something."

He shrugs and kisses my forehead. "You're crazy."

For some reason that makes me giggle like a five year-old. I kiss him again, and he moves his face in ways that make me dizzy with pleasure.

And then the Hoover Dam explodes out of me.

I let out a little yell and Freddie practically falls off the couch trying to get off me.

"What? What, did I hurt you?" He lays a concerned hand on my stomach.

I lay my hand over his and laugh. "No." I let myself cry a little as I say, "I think my water just broke."

Freddie looks at me with such wonder and admiration and disbelief that I cry some more. He laughs and cries too as he gives me a brief peck. "Okay, then I guess we gotta go!"

He helps me up and into the car, off to the hospital where we'll find out our child's gender that we've decided to keep a surprise until the very end, where the word 'family' will define us, where the start of a new journey begins as I attempt to teach my child all about love and what it means and how Freddie taught it to me.

Where my future as a mother takes off.

And I know that through all the groundings and bonding moments and tickle matches, Carly will be right beside me. Because I now know.

She's never gone.

* * *

**Thank you SO MUCH to anyone who's ever reviewed, favorited/followed me or my story, or even read a single word of this. It's been an amazing journey and I really hope you loved.**

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